This story.

This story. Oh, my, this story was hard for me to review. I’m not an asshole when it comes to reviews, or at least I don’t try to be, but... this story irked me. It rubbed me the wrong way. It fluffed my Garfield too hard, if you will.

(Props to those who got that reference.)

I feel as though this story was written rather quickly, and with little time for error correction, judging from the comments naming such errors. Either that or the author’s computer does not have a spell-check/grammar feature. Either way, it feels sloppy, rushed, even: I myself have had plenty of experience doing this, and don’t belittle the author for it. Regardless of quality, it takes courage to put forth a story of your own to read before the internet, especially in so divisive and at times crazy a fandom as ours.

As for the story itself, I found it rather random, even though it had some actual progression and whatnot. Hoof and finger were interchanged, even though it is marked as an anthro story, which I found to be just fine. It can be hard to distinguish how to write anthro if you just think of ponies. I must also stress that these chapters were very short so short that I feel as though nothing was done (in the chapter, that is) that progressed the story much. Several of these chapters could have been combined to give the story better flow and such.

Perhaps stating in the description what narrative this is would be a good idea, ie first-person for this particular story. I honestly lost track of the plot after the first few chapters, and my interest kind of died sooner than I would have expected. I detect there are many hidden redeeming qualities in this story, but it is very, very rough around the edges and I have the feeling that if the time and energy were taken to rewrite and get this story proofread/beta’d, then this would likely be a decent fic.

As it stands, I personally did not find it engaging, but it was not entirely lacking in redeemable features. All it needs is some TLC from some proofreaders and the author themself. In time, it could be a pleasant short story, but for now, it is a rather hard story to read.

PS. Reading the author's little "bio" makes me really think they do not have a grammar-checking feature, so as a hint, the "resently" in their bio should be "recently".

After thanking you for going over the story, reading and reviewing it,
I'm curious, how and where you'd have me put it out as 'First Person'?
As to the Anthro, I felt it the only way to write this story, since you can't have both hooves, and hands, otherwise?
I was trying to explore a Possitive Changeling.
Puting the frame to take advantage of a loving mare I found lovable.

I use the chapter divides to separate scenes and naratie perspectives.
what feels natural to me, may not nesseserily be right for others.

To a Point, this entire story could be seen as a chapter in a longer story?
I hinted at a past, I'm explotring later, but ratherin a sequel.

Now I just need to find who is willing to point out exactly what needs fixing,
for the story to come out readable and enjoyable in thelight I had envissioned.

2731771 First person refers to the point of view, ie. "I, we, me", etc.

Yes, in anthro you can have hooves and hands, where the hooves are replacing the feet. However, you made it almost sound as though hooves were the hands, and then where the hands were actual hands. Especially the part about "rubbing" with her hoof, and then you saying doing the same with a finger.

Overall, the chapters themselves could have been combined into one singluar chapter, with the opposing viewpoint (theirs, not yours) being entirely italicized instead of just being an entirely different chapter. Still, if it makes more sense to you now, then by all means, continue writing as such. Only, please take this adive: try to flesh out the chapters a bit more. Length does not necessarily mean quality, but I've found that the longer a fic is, the more likely the author put time and effort into it, and so it is better as a whole.

2732964 if hands and hooves sounds confusing in the story, I'll have to go ver this aspect, there shouldn't be any confusion on this part.

I hope I managed to get the hooves for feet clear, as well as the reason behind this choice.

I may have expected the reader to know Ditzy closer then I should have, in part because she is Canon? On the matter of her friend, I'd have to make certain she is more fully worked out.

most of my stories tend to be short. on this in particular, it is as much due to the fact it is short, not just 'made short', if it made any sence?

when I go over it again, I may find details that could fill out the voids you mentioned too. if so, the story would become longer.