My Little Pony: Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks

It’s been a long time, you guys. A long time since any pony, and fortunately for me a longer time since My Little Pony: Equestria Girls. The time has dulled the horror of the ponies in high school, and I’ve been able to heal a little. But Equestria Girls, very sadly, will never go away. It can never be undone. All that it can be is minimized.

Unfortunately for me, it will not be minimized, not as long as people keep buying Equestria Girls merchandise and DVD’s. The cycle keeps going, so now after two years (I think… two years? One year? It all blends. I hope it’s two years) we are graced with another movie perpetuating all of my bad vibes, one with a very long title. My Little Pony: Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks.

Being a good capitalist, and believing that by not giving money to support this movie maybe someday it’ll stop (combined with the fact that it isn’t being shown in my entire state) I ripped the movie off of a low quality stream on YouTube for the purposes of reviewing. Who knew, it might have been better than the other movie that I watched this weekend, but because that other movie was “Citizen Kane” I didn’t hold my breath.

And, well, I was glad that I didn’t, because MLP:EG:RR (lol) is no “Citizen Kane”, it is almost precisely what the last one was for me. It just kinda sucks. It looks weird, the production value is the same as the shows but it inexplicably (and simultaneously understandably) gets a theatrical run, occasionally it makes you chuckle, but at the end… hell, let’s just talk about the plot.

The movie starts with the end of MLP:EG, but from a different location. 3 singing goons who had been banished to the human world witness the fireworks from the last shows finale, and conclude that the magical shitstorm that just happened will be able to fuel them on the path to world domination. These 3 are sirens, and look like they don’t want to waste any time getting started, leading directly into my first issue with the movie.

Dates don’t add up in the slightest. At all. The sirens were banished by Starswirl the Bearded, who predates Celestia and Luna, who have already been kicking for about a thousand years. So they were banished over a thousand years ago, Right? Maybe not, maybe they were thrown thousands of years into the future, so you can give it a slide. It still doesn’t explain when this movie takes place in relation to the first Equestria Girls. The sirens reaction to seeing the magic indicates that they are ready to go immediately, but when Twilight comes it’s after she has her new tree palace. So did they wait for a few months, or did everything in the season between happen in a week? I don’t know, and can’t reconcile it.

Anyway, Sunset Shimmer, now reformed, shows the 3 villains around the school before they have a big musical showcase, and immediately smells a rat. The villains waste no time in convincing the student body to hold a battle of the bands, and proceeds to feed off of the negative waves this creates. Our heroes and Sunset Shimmer are on it though, and proceed to find a way to communicate with Twilight and get her back here so that they can kick the sirens butts to kingdom come.

And that’s basically it as far as the plot goes. Twilight learns a good lesson about nipping friendship issues in the bud before things get really shitty, and Sunset Shimmer gets her redemption. The story is simple, and it’s adequate, at least for a EQ movie. So what’s the problem?

Well, if you didn’t like the character design last time, you ain’t gonna like it now. It still just looks weird to me. But this isn’t the biggest problem with the movie.

Remember when I said the production value was low for a movie? There’s one field where it really hurts, and that’s in the music. The music that the movie so desperately depends on (I mean, it’s called Rainbow Rocks). It’s not much better produced than any of the songs on the show, and the songs on the show are usually pretty alright. Here however, this being a movie, I expect more, and don’t get it. There’s this one song, “Awesome as I Wanna Be”, that I really want to love but just can’t. It’s too tame. To quote the songwriter, “It needs to be about 20% cooler.” All the songs needed just a little bit more bite, but don’t have it.

Character moments are usually pretty good, but occasionally really F’n bad (Fuck you, Flash, stop acting like a bitch and freaking address the problem instead of whining like a girl you piece of shit.) oh wait, the good. Vinyl Scratch steals the show in her transformers car at the end of the day, and Derpys moment in the spotlight is excellent as well. The six are good as always for interaction and it’s here that this movie feels the most like a ‘my little pony movie’, as opposed to weird high school crap. But the problem is that’s what this feels like to me most of the time, weird high school crap.

I firmly believe that movies are supposed to make you think, or feel, and if they fail in this they fail as a film. MLP:EG:RR made me think, and feel, but not what it wanted me to. At the end of the day it made me feel sad, and think about how things might have been, or could be. You look at it, and you see glimpses of what you wanted to see, flickers here and there, but they go away just as soon as you focus on them. You wonder what sort of movie you’d be watching if it was just MLP, not MLP:EG:RR. I dunno. The first one pissed me off, but this one made me feel sad.

It gives me this horrible, dreadful feeling. Like I’m looking into the future of the show, and this is what it will become. I’d love to see a My Little Pony movie, and I totally believe that the staff can make it happen… but MLP:EG:RR makes me think that it never will.

You know, you can respond to this. If you don't agree with me i'd like to know why, and it be a lot better feedback than the little red thumb. besides, im a stickler for conversation.

3665160 Well, considering your rather harsh criticism of anyone who decides to support it, I think everyone is convinced your opinion isn't worth debating.

For the record, I'm getting the DVD of the movie when it comes out next month, and I'm at least expecting it to be as good as the first movie. A fine guilty pleasure, and nothing more. If it surprises me by being better then I'll gladly throw my support behind it.

3665412
I'd like to thank you for replying. if you hadn't I'd have never seen what I had written to upset people. It's gone now, rest assured, if we are referencing the same thing, and I'm sorry that I had ever written it. I don't enjoy belittling people, even accidentally, and after seeing what I had written I feel pretty horrid. All I can do is apologize to anyone that I may have offended and beg forgiveness.