Their comes a time when a person realizes how truly alone they are.

It has come to my attention that if I am not talking, chatting, typing, conversing, anything of that nature, with another human being...I go bat shit insane. Of in the wonderful term we have so lovingly adopted, delightfully demented !

I stare at my wall/computer screen for hours on end at a time. Like if doing so will change that aspect that I am talking to myself and have probably zoned out more times than I have jacked off in my entire life time.

It doesn't help at all that I feel like my chest is on fire, and not even a cold shower can fix this. So? What do I conclude with this...

My mentality/my brain and body are shutting down on me, its hard to see reality with the constant changes of going in and out of my own world back into the real world...I am not even sure right now if this is the real world...maybe the only thing keeping me here right now is the ungodly amount of pain my chest is in right now.

Which brings me to my body, for some reason a nice 19 year old male that exercises regularly and eats correctly a good majority of the time, has been steadily declining in quality. My right shoulder can't so much move an inch without cracking all.the.time. and then their is my chest, standing up for to long hurts my feet and they feel like they will break in half. Constant migraines...My blood pressure keeps skyrocketing to near 190/100 ( Basically a very dangerous high level) ... constant family changes...family emergencies...death of my dog...I am slowing losing myself. both mentally and physically.

If I wake from a nice sleep induced coma, I see my imagination, literally. I don't see the world, I don't see the outlines of reality, I see my mind's eye, I see the definition of what/ where I would love to live. and then It all comes back.

Not sure why I am even posting this...just wanted something to take my mind of things while I try to figure out how to cool down. Literally, and metaphorically.

1680980

I think you should see a psychiatrist.

No offense.

1680980
I'll try to be avaiable for messaging more often! Don't go batshit insane! And you should see a doctor for some of that...

1680980
You ever need someone to talk to, then come to me.
I love talking, even if it's about nothing!
Really, I'm on at random times during the day, so there's a good chance I'll see your message.

1680980 You may want to see a physician regarding your physical problems.

Unfortunately, I have no insight to share about the rest.

1680991
*sigh* So they could shove more pills down my throat like they did when I was little? Causing me to go through puberty at a much earlier age and receive ridicule when I had a think beard by the age of 11...no thanks.

1680997
I'm afraid it is to late for me not to go batshit insane...I just ate toothpaste thinking it would help the burning in my chest...not my best idea. And talking with you and lilith certainly helps...a lot...I just hate take up people's time...even though I really want to.

1681032
I appreciate it...

1681108
I have gone to a physician allready...they told me to lay off fatty foods and eat lots of greens...which I have been doing...
as for the insaneness...I'm afraid no one can help me with that anymore..even now I just re zoned back in and realized people commented and I should probably comment back.

1681262 I wish I could do more for you.

I send you my best, if it helps.

1681262

Sorry... It's that this is sad, and I don't want something horrible to happen to you.

1681262
Chest pains? Yeah, that's a good sign of eating unhealthy.
I only ate pastries, and pastry derivatives last weekend, and I felt horrible for the last few days.

1681262
I don't mind you taking up my time!