Link: Sweetie Belle's search for immortality

This is my first ever fan fiction story. Only chapter 1 is finished so far. One major aspect of this story is a different interpretations of the character Sweetie Belle. She has her dark moments in the show. In this fic she has, due to extra pressure on her, even more of them.

I started writing this story because I thought I was onto something. But now I am starting to fear (due to low responses per view ratio) that the story has fallen in the 'meh' category. I don't want my story to be superficial. Anything but that. I want my stories to be entertaining, not dry. Where am I in this respect?

Also, I want my story to flow. I heard there was a sentence in the story that needed to be read twice. I won’t stand for such a sentence in my story. But I can’t find it. Can you tell me if you come across any awkward sentence please?

I want to know if this story has the potential to get on EQD. I would like to know what I can improve on.

If you see any grammatical mistake (there shouldn't be any despite English not being my first language (I fixed them all, I think)) you can just fix it while you read the story in my original Public Google Doc.

For all and everyone who read the story, please post your comments (good or bad) in this thread. If you have an opinion, I want to hear about it.