Hello everyone, I know I'm not active, at all, in this group and I know most of you have no idea who I am, but I figured if there's any place this post should go, it's here. This is mainly just a trial post, as most of you will probably not be the major target of this little guide, however I would still like critique and observer opinions. Your input is incredibly valuable to me and without it I don't believe this could be given the full chance it deserves. The guide is about parenting, and what to do and what not to do.

Thank you for understanding, and please have a good read.

So you want to have children? That's wonderful, spectacular, and something every human being has heard at least one point in their life in some standing point in a conversation. If you want to tell all of your friends about it, go ahead, but they're pretty much the only ones that're going to care because parenting and governing over a child is probably one of the most difficult tasks you will encounter in your years, and for the average person it might as well be like hearing bad news in the middle of taking a shower, a relaxing part of almost everyone's day. However, using logic and reasoning, I believe I've complied a short guide on how to properly govern over your children and make a much healthier breed of human beings, so I implore you to read on if this pertains to you.

I would like to make it clear before we actually start that I want to dispel any thoughts you may have that this guide is somehow against you and your parenting technique. Nothing here is meant to be taken as 100% likely and if you feel like it's a good system but love your own maybe you should think about that before making a uninspiring and hateful comment. I will not be gentle with you, I'm going to give you the hard facts about the act of parenting, and no amount of "non-cursing" is going to remedy that and could have the opposite effect if not presented in a tone everybody can understand. All of us have Freedom of Speech, learn to respect it and mind your own damn business.

1. Children ARE Smarter Than You
One of my biggest problems between finding a job in a town that's not hiring and disease is parents getting upset that their children are smart. I see this everywhere and even more-so in poverty-stricken areas, to the point where it's become somewhat of a normal act of parenting, which it's not. Don't call your children "smart-asses" and follow up with hate, anger, aggression, or violence. The first thing wrong with the entire situation is the underlying concept; you're literally getting upset at them for outsmarting you, and if you fight back you're further proving your point, not to mention aiding in the possibility that your child may grow up to be one of those children that actually FEAR learning. I grew up around some of those people AND had to watch them fail as I succeeded in school. If you're going to call your child anything pertaining to their ability to outsmart you and develop a new way of doing something or thinking, reward them and learn from it yourself to strengthen bonds and become a better human being. The first thing we don't need in this world are people who are afraid of trying a new way of thinking or acting to make something easier in some way or better for all of humanity, which in turn can be seen as the entirety of human progress as a whole, which has also slowed down in the last 200 years because the very few humans that have advanced us were those that had the willpower or good parenting to do so.

2. Treat Your Humans Like Humans
Another thing that I don't see as often but get just as pissed off about is parents who treat their children like property and cattle. Let me paint a picture for you, this is NOT the way to treat another human being, especially one that is in a major developmental stage in their life which causes them to learn at a much more rapid pace than us adults could ever hope to reach in our mature. aged stages. This means that if you heard them along like they're cattle and punish them for even the slightest error you're teaching them to become followers, not leaders. Oh, yeah, and this fucking stunt also aids in the first one for possibly the WORST parenting combo I could imagine that could happen in any household no matter the income or stability of the relationships between family members. Children do not need you to heard them around, they need you to teach them how to be a goddamn human being. This means asking if they'd like to try new foods, making decisions with their desires on the table, and giving them responsibility early on to teach the importance of it. If you want to ruin your relationship with your kids and herd them like the Shepard you are or the one you want to be, don't be surprised when you're old and unable to do work, but your children herd you around because they see you ask weak and helpless. Don't be a fucking retard, set an example and allow them to learn from such information.

3. Do NOT Restrict Creativity and Expression
The first thing I see in shy, sad people is that they lack their creativity and fear expression in all forms. Not only that, but when I dig a little deeper, after already figuring someone out and their life story just by observing them for a single hour, most of the time it turns out they were denied creativity and expression as a child. This is another thing that stunts the learning process and hinders children in the long run no matter how you look at it. When a child wishes to express themselves, it's the reasoning and logical part of their brain convincing them to give interaction between others close to them a chance to see their more personal information; the more subjective part of their operations. When you deny or treat this expression with hostility it tells them that people close to them aren't wanting to interact so why should strangers want to interact? You want to make your kid unable to speak properly to others and hate creating new ideas and ways of operation, be my guest. You will be just as worthless as them when they find it hard to do simple tasks such as getting a job.

4. Do NOT Force
If you'd like to know one of my most-despised acts against humanity, it's the act of forcing a child to follow or believe what you believe just because you can. Let's get on even ground here and say that every religion and religious idea is complete bullshit. Sorry, that's just getting on the most even ground you can get. Does this mean you can't believe in what you want to? Certainly not, you can believe in whatever you want. So can children, and they deserve the ability to choose their beliefs and be treated like humans. When you force religion or any subjective form of knowledge down their throat, they will grow up to fold under peer pressure and will hardly ever think for themselves because they need to listen to someone else to do something, and if they follow your religion you so gingerly forced down into their brain, they could very well end up distorting it and sooner or later develop a hated society that not only causes problems but does so out of the kindness of their heart. Don't force it. Encourage free thinking and the ability to look at all options before making a decision.

5. Spend the Time
In the early stages of life, children have very little social lives and are mostly concerned with who loves them and who doesn't. It's why there's so many people out there that say, "We acted so childish back then." It's because acting over petty problems was stupid and shouldn't create conflict. This is the same with your children and how you should act with them. You should always spend the time with your children to get an idea of what they enjoy and to strengthen your bond with them rather than have them develop a horrible relationship with you and despise the very ground you walk on. If you don't believe me, look at my relationship with my parents. They weren't their most of my developmental life and now I can't stand to even talk to them without wanting to fracture their skulls. Again, don't reject a child from spending time with you, a close loved one. This only makes them anti-social and could very well turn them into serial killers given the common parenting actions to serial killer reports in the 1900's. It's happened so many times before, and it can be prevented more than anything.

Now, this wasn't a complete list or guide, more of an excerpt. However, I would love feedback and opinions for it. I thank you for reading, as it was moderately long for such a bland-looking post so it's less appealing than most. I would like to make it known that I don't have children of my own, but I'm majoring in Psychology at a college-level schooling and I decided to tell you that at the end because most humans make judgments before looking at everything.

Edit: Oh, so no kids of your own. Which branch of Psychology are you majoring in? You say "college-level", does that mean you're in high school and taking advanced classes? Child development and psychology, or just psychology? Honestly curious :)

Rebuttals from a mother of a little boy:

1. Children aren't stupid, but nor are they smarter than adults. They're very intelligent in their own ways, and they tend to have a massive amount of empathy that adults have had burned out of them over time. But children make their decisions and mull over things with their extremely limited scope of the world and given that limited scope, they think they are correct because they cannot take all variables into consideration. It's our job as parents to guide them to be better people, smarter people, to make the world a better place. That includes curtailing unnecessary rude attitude, which is what "smart-ass" refers to. When my kid brings home 100 on a test and reads books four or five levels above his grade, I don't call him a smart-ass. I tell him he's doing a great job and encourage him to do more. When he mouths off to me because he thinks the world is simple and thinks he can get away with running his mouth in a rude manner? Oh yes, he's a smart-ass then, which refers to the attitude, not the intelligence.

The simple fact of the matter is that children's brains are not fully developed (here's one study showing the differences in white and gray matter from ages 4-20. Gray is the bit with synapes, and doesn't fully develop until 26 or so. There's more studies out there if you care to look, or if you have access to a college library). No matter how smart they are, their impulse control is not very good, and their brains are constantly growing and making new connections.

By all means, encourage your child to be intelligent and praise them when they are. But being intelligent is not a carte-blanche to be an asshole, no matter what age you are.

2. Uh, we kind of have to herd them around, given that poor impulse control I mentioned earlier. Childhood is not a time to learn that you can do whatever you want with no repercussions. Are you suggesting that we go to a water park at my child's behest, and then simply allow him to run rampant through the park? Of course not, because that would be insane. The child's safety comes first and foremost. I'm happy to take my son to a water park, and I'm happy to stay beside him, make sure he holds hands, and be sure he is polite to ticket-takers, food vendors, etc.

Also, are you suggesting I set a spreadsheet of a budget in front of my seven year old and tell him "hey, we're like, super poor. Can you make the budget work this month? Since you were off sick from school and I had to stay home with you, and since I was also ill one day and had to miss work, we're missing three days of pay. Since we live paycheck to paycheck, do you suggest we cut out food, or delay paying the water bill for a month? Get back to me on that."

Obviously not, because that would be insane.

If my kid says "hey mommy, I wanna try x food". As long as nobody is allergic, and as long as it's nutritious and healthy, I'll give it a whirl for dinner. But part of a parent's job is to set schedules. Because, you know? Life is schedules, once you're a grown-up. Better he learn to adhere to "we wake up at x time, we go to school at x time, we come home and do homework at x time, we have dinner at x time, playtime at x time, and bedtime at x time" than a carpet "lol do whatever you want". THAT would stunt him.

The thing that children have to come to learn is that while they're the most important people in the world to their parents, the rest of the world does not necessarily have to give a shit.

3. Sure, they can and should express themselves, at appropriate times. My son loves to write, just as I do. Fictional stories, and the like. He wrote a Dr. Who fanfic once a couple months ago. My point is that while his creative expression is important, it needs to not get in the way of things like school. He was daydreaming and writing in his notebook for the first three weeks of school. Guess what? He failed every test, because he wasn't paying attention when he should. The compromise is that he can write all he likes when he's home with me, or on recess, or at before and after school care, or as his "free minutes" in school (a little motivation tool they have to encourage good behavior there).

4. Kids can make their own choices, sure. But if religion (in an organized sense) is important to a parent, are you saying they should stop going to church because they'd have to bring their child? (Please don't drag out the "babysitter" shit. Babysitters are expensive, and not all religious folk have the money or the people around them like family or friends to help them out with watching the kiddo.) What your entire post seems to miss is that parents are also people, and also deserve respect. Children shouldn't be indoctrinated, no. If I were still a church-goer, I'd simply tell my kid, hey, this is just what I believe in, so I'm gonna go sit and listen to the sermons and sing for awhile and you have to come with because nobody else can watch you, but maybe you can make some friends at church, even if you don't believe in the same thing I do.

5. Agreed on spending time together. I'm going to need a citation on lack of time with children creating serial killers, though. That seems like alarmist, extremist hogwash, especially as presented here.

Anyway, thanks for the post!

4846608 Also, actually, regarding your last point, here's a study from earlier this year: Abstract with links to full study, again, if you have access. And if you're studying at college-level, like you say, you should have full access :) Although, I'm not sure if your professors would appreciate you citing your education while putting things like

Don't be a fucking retard

in a parenting guide

Naturally, I'm not going to stop spending time with my kid, but there you go.

4846656
Well, since you're so interested, I'm going to be majoring in Social Psychology and Family Psychology. Although I don't particularly want to work in Children's Psychology, I've been told by my Grandfather, who took four years of Psychology in College when he was younger, that I'm quite good at that as well.

I'm going to stop right here and remind you that, as I remember, it was a unanimous decision that we stop talking. This was over two years ago. I'm quite surprised that you actually desire to speak to me, as I have absolutely no desire to even recognize you as conscious. We're not on good terms, and I refuse any possible pardon in any form for you. I do not give second chances to those whom I don't deem worth my time.

Let's just stop right here. I'm not wanting to cause any problems, and I'm sure social unrest is the exact opposite of the group's intentions.

Also, I know a psychologist who begs to differ about the entire "not sure your professors would appreciate" crap.

4846992 It is a shame that you could not take constructive crit from a parent, backed up with links to studies. I do hope you actually read them.

I'm also a member of this group, and know quite a bit about parenting, so I wanted to offer you the feedback you specifically requested :) At no point did I directly attack you.

Your inability to be civil at this point, as you say, two years later, is incredibly curious.

I did notice you dodged my questions in terms of "is this actual college or high-school AP".

As someone that's gone to college, I will say that "fucking retard", especially when discussing psychology, is frowned upon ;) Just as a heads up.

I do hope you take the feedback in the spirit of helpfulness it was given, and that you can tweak your guide accordingly, taking recent studies into childhood development into account :)

You have a great day, okay?

4846608

I would like to add this:

Let your children be themselves.

I have a 7 year old daughter. She loves to watch miscellaneous YouTube videos when we watch something on TV she doesn't like.

Now, I won't lie here, I always go back and check her browser history to make sure it's nothing inappropriate. We also make sure we spend time with her every day.

I've also never discouraged her from liking anything. She's the one who got me into "My Little Pony", but she also likes "Angry Birds" and "Skylanders", and is begging me to acquire her "Minecraft" for the laptop she watches videos on.

4847018 I agree with this! As long as it's age-appropriate, there's no reason to restrict viewing. I battle constantly with my son's father, because he refuses to allow my son to watch "girly crap", as he calls it, like My Little Pony, Barbie, etc. I feel like that's a horrible way to squash a child's personality. Luckily, his father only has him on the weekends, so I can undo most of that damage, but still.

4847022

I have a friend who has an issue with his daughter's mother you can relate to then.

He likes to introduce his daughter to new things, like new foods or music, especially in other languages. The daughter likes it when he plays the music in other languages, and will at least try the "exotic" foods. The mother is offended by this, and often yells at him doing so.

Now, when I say exotic I mean things like: venison, buffalo, ostrich and such. He will always cook her something else after she has tried one bite, the same rule I set for my daughter.

4847026 Venison is so good though

But yeah, I can relate. We're white, and lived with a Malaysian for some time, so we ate a lot of what my ex would call "weird" or "gross" foods and snacks. I tried to encourage my ex to buy gai lan for my son, as it's his fave veggie that he'll eat with no complaint, and he looked at me like I had two heads!

Also, fun fact, my ex once tried to take me to court because I didn't want to cut my son's hair, because my SON didn't want his hair cut. His argument in court? "But it looks girly!"

I bet I could swap a few stories with this friend of yours :)

4847037

Sounds like you and him would have great conversations.

4846608
I became a dad a few months ago in February. I have an infant daughter.

Your advice is helpful, my friend. Fatherhood isn't easy by any means. But I love my baby girl ever so much. I'd never restrict her creative mind and her freedom, though I would keep an eye on her just for her safety. As her dad, it's one of my top priorities. My child's safety comes first and foremost.

I know I'm going to be a good dad who will teach his daughter love, respect, integrity and love.

4846656

As a new father to a current mother, what things are best to know for my infant daughter to help raise her? And I know that you're an amazing mom. I know it mustn't be easy at times, coming from myself. But the both of us know it's worth it.

You're right, kids are smart. A parent is an influence on their child early in their life. Kids look up to their parents. Sometimes, our kids can be smarter than us and tell if we're upset, angry or lying to protect them. And you're also right by saying that kids aren't smarter than adults as young children(toddlers) don't know how to express emotion and lash out. Coming from my own experiences with my younger half-sister.

Kids do need to learn boundaries and limits growing up.

And I would never shame my daughter for wanting to try new foods, I'd encourage it! Any parent would! No offence to you at all.

You're a great mom by giving such great advice.

4847018
Minecraft does help with creativity. I remember when I built and merged my huge ass city and village into one back when I had my Xbox 360. Sadly, that server is now long gone. Good times, though.

7688066

I've personally never played the game. My daughter (now 14!) Loves it! I did have to aquire it for computer as she moved on from Xbox.

7688533
Xbox Game Pass and Xbox Live was so expensive back in the day. Man, I feel old. And I'm only 16!

7688566

I never would pay for the online access, to me the amount they charge for that should be illegal.

Lol, I'm 39, obviously I don't act my age.