Alright, I writing a fan fic that is about the darker side to the Elements. They are also insane criminals on death row. For example, the dark element of loyalty has incredibly violent abandonment issues, thereby making him 'loyal' so he isnt abandoned again. The dark element of Honesty believes a lie, no matter how insignificant or innocent, must be brutally punished and that any and all liars burn in Tartarus in agony, making him 'honest' so he doesnt suffer forever in Tartarus. Ive got it down for all the characters, except generosity. Honestly, I have no idea on how to twist it in such a way that would make the character for it want to hurt others. Can someone help?

A lack of generosity must be punished? The EoG is disgusted by ponies that aren't generous so she takes it upon herself to punish the selfish.

732847

Well, let`s see...

Magic - guilty of mad science. Disregards anything and anyone as long as there`s something to find out. Vivisection, illegal experiments, smuggling, dark magic.

Generosity - diehard revolutionary. Believes in abolishment of money and communistic values. Terrorism, assassinations of nobles and merchants.

Kindness - presumes death the only fittingly kind punishment for being willingly unkind. Vigilantism, assault, murder.

Loyalty - conviction-based derangement. Refuses the notion that any kind of promise may be situational. Assault, stalking, murder.

Honesty - believes any lie to be a tainting affront to natural order, driven to "cleanse" liars by any means possible. Kidnapping, torture, murder.

Laughter - omnicidally deranged. Derives enjoyment from acts of destruction. Serial murder, arson, terrorism.

He/she generously wants everyone to be equal. This leads him/her to take from those who are too selfish and rewards those who are not. This leads to mass robbery and sometimes murder if he/she thinks the pony is too selfish to have a life.

I'm gonna go ahead and agree with these previous two about how generosity should work: think like Evil Robin Hood: Someone who may spoil those close to him or her but in order to get to all of that money he/she engages in acts of open robbery, fraud, muggings, kidnappings and ransoms and the like, things that could help him/her to selfishly get as much monetary gain as possible, then to use it to fund other criminal activities, or to simply lavish friends and compatriots in absolute luxury. Not just hookers and blow: clean, 20 year old gymnast hookers and his own private coca plantation with the gymnast hookers educated on how to produce pure, uncut, cocaine for all the criminal underground to enjoy and be loyally addicted to.

That said, when I thought of the darker side of kindness I thought of somewhere between a cross of Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie (during her little spaz out in s1e25): someone who's so clingy and needy that they get incredibly jealous of anyone else being around their victim/best friend of the week. The movie "The Roommate" comes to mind, the evil kindness loyalist finds someone to be friends with, gets extremely close and clingy very quickly, snaps at onlookers or other friends, goes to the point where the victim's family members or close friends, even coworkers go missing or are found dead someplace. If the victim catches on to this or threatens to leave for any reason, he/she becomes the new murder case, or abduction and "friendship conditioning" (aka horrible torture and death threats if they ever try to leave) until they either die, kill the new friend, or somehow manage to escape and cover their tracks such that a killer with a sharp, obsessive compulsive mind can't find them.

By the way, did I mention that I really like this idea? I'd love to read it when it gets finished~

732865 Okay, I only needed one for Generosity but thanks for the ideas! Now how do you think of what I came up with:
I really need to mention that these people are batsh** insane!

Magic: I might actually go with your idea. Beats a necromancer that believes the only good kind of magic is one that you can kill with. I hadn't flushed him out yet so I probably will go with ur idea!

Generosity: Also going with that idea because I have nothing better to come up with.

Kindness: Mine was a former-nurse that suffered a great childhood tragedy of watching her entire family burn alive or slowly bleed to death. She believes that the only kindness others can recieve is a quicker death than one you already have. Even if you were beating it. If you had a broken leg, and you were recouperating, she would've slit your throat believing that it'd be a better end than having to go through the pain of dealing with a broken leg.

Loyalty: Mine was a soldier that killed 20 guards and heavily injured 16 others after being honourably discharged, believed that he was 'betrayed' by them and abandoning him. His parents abandoned them and he was left with abusive foster parents that would beat him everytime he screwed up or talk back, saying thats why his parents probably left him: to get rid of 'unloyal trash'. He has extreme abandonment issues and will do anything if you promise to be his friend and not leave him. If you leave him, he will painfully and brutally kill you. He's also like Fluttershy in the sense of being a pushover.

Honesty: a cop who has a pathological and moral inability to lie. He killed 11 ponies, including 5 fillies, that lied to him about his birthday suprise party! He believes if you lie once, no matter what significance of it, you will and deserve to go straight to Tartarus. His mother brutally brainwashed and conditioned him into this. And I'm not talking like Pavlov's bell or some sh**. You wanna know what his cutie mark is? He has none because his mother branded him with the phrase 'I will not lie' and has electic shock marks on his chest!

Laughter: this one is an unemployed sadist that will laugh at any and all suffering of others. She got arrested for contempt of court after laughing in the middle of a triple rape-murder-suicide at an emotionally scarred witness talked about being tortured by the convict's partener on trial. After being sent to prison she slowly and brutally killed 12 inmates! She was brought up and sexually abused by cruel foster partents and physically abused and bullied by the other orphans. She would then bite out the foster father's throat and then burns down the orphanage with everyone inside!

Anyway, those are my characters tell me what you think!

733858

Kindness - there`s no way she could`ve ever made it through nurse education if it were childhood trauma. I suggest amending the family to lover. Having a lover waste through some kind of incurable and painful disease like chronic leukemia or marrow cancer might`ve caused them to snap, "realising" the greatest kindness they can offer is a quick painless death.

Loyalty - again, those kinds of issues are kind of easily seen during training. Boot camps often enough shuffle the cadets around - if loyalty had such readily available troubles, they`d be obvious long before they`d actually learn to kill properly. I would suggest making it less overt. Something like this - after several back to back issues of higher officers abandoning them, Loyalty develops a deep-seated paranoia and constantly attempts to ferret out any signs of disloyalty early. That leads to stalking and several murders where ponies in question may or may not have had anything in mind regarding betrayal.

Honesty - again, the problem with actually becoming a cop is that if you want to kill for something reasonably benign, you tend not to make it through police academy. Policemen face lies daily and have to lie just as often - anyone with pathologic hatred of lies would not make it past entrance exams to academy, much less receive a badge. My suggestion - abandon the cop idea. The best way to use honesty is to place honesty into a backwater town, where everyone knows everyone. In this kind of environment, the notion of lying tends to be very remote, especially if community has a religious bias against lying. So when forced to meet with surrounding world that considers lies casually, Honesty snaps and begins the "crusade" to purify the liars.

Laughter - .this premise is silly. First of all, homeless and laughing in court? The`d be considered mentally handicapped and merely thrown out. That is, if her laughter would not be interpreted as an attempt to get arrested - living a couple years on government`s dime may be quite an enticing alternative to living on the streets starving. Not to mention that prisons generally attempt to teach inmates some kind of manual work so they`d have a chance of employment after. The idea about slowly and brutally murdering twelve inmates in prison is preposterous - it`s quite bloody impossible to actually murder someone in prison without the murder being noticed. So, after the very first murder, Laughter would be immediately confined to solitary cell.
I would suggest to consider Hannibal Lecter as a prototype for Laughter. Someone respectable and educated on the outside, yet horrific maniac when you glimpse past the public glamour.
___

You seem to center a whole lot of origins on "horribly abused by foster parents". It`s a cliche. Generally, people horribly abused by foster parents grow up as neurotic wreaks, and absolute majority of them are incapable of murder due to cowardice, ineptitude and crippling anxiety.

I suggest NOT to use it. While "abusive foster parents" is a convenient excuse for a character to act disturbing, it`s a cop-out. IMO, it would be MUCH more interesting to show how people from relatively normal and even loving environments could suddenly develop into terrifying deranged monsters.

733858

As a matter of fact, here, have a set of dossiers. ^_^

Name: Cracked Spindle.
Threat Level: A
DOB: Oct 31, 979 Anno Celestia
Relatives: Sky Gazer (father, deceased?), Velvet Stroke (mother, deceased?), Spitshine (brother)
Incarceration Date: June 3, 1009 AC
Sentence: Incarceration for Life.
Crimes: Vivisection, kidnapping, smuggling, heresy.
Details: Exceptionally strong magic, blocker should never be removed without no less then four unicorn guards on detail. Not to be given anything sharp, breakable or easily ignited. Any attempts to write should be interrupted immediately.
Previous convictions: Six counts of public disturbance, two counts of assault (acquitted due to technicality both times), three counts of possession of illegal substances, one count of theft (settled out of court).
Biography Notes: Cracked Spindle is an exceptionally gifted magician, however her mental state is sorely lacking. Her first appearance in public eye was at Canterlot School for Gifted Unicorns, Sept 1, 997 AC, where she had spectacularly failed the entrance exam (standard Dragon Egg test). Spell backlash transformed six ponies (including both parents) into plants. As of today, all six ponies are considered deceased from legal point of view. It is suspected that this act of serial ponyslaughter, however unintended, had directly caused the following chain of illegal experiments that continued for over a decade. Due to outstanding magical capacity, as well as considerable knowledge of illegal necromancy and thaumaturgy, Cracked Spindle is to be considered a threat to the realm and a pony of interest to the crown.

Name: Disparity
Threat Level: B
DOB: Jan 14, 973 Anno Celestia
Relatives: Magnum Point (father, incarcerated), Moon Unit (mother), Dulcet Note (sister)
Incarceration Date: Oct 19, 1011 AC
Sentence: Pending Execution
Crimes: Terrorism, serial murder.
Details: Exceptionally dangerous. Manacles and blocker should never be removed without at least four guards on detail. Not to be given anything sharp or breakable.
Previous convictions: Seventeen public disturbances, eight cases of vandalism, assault and battery (was incarcerated for three years in juvenile hall).
Biography Notes: A member of "Brighter Future", Disparity was until recently one of the triggerponies for the group. Captured during the attempted assassination of Fancy Pants, Esq. Investigation proved Disparity`s direct involvement with assassination of Upper Crust and bombing at the Gala two years later (Deceased: prince Blueblood, sir Valiant, Jet Set, Vacant Smile, Gem Crust, Fleur de Lis, numerous wounded). All of the assassination targets are among the wealthiest ponies in Equestria - which, according to testimony by Disparity is the sole reason for the assassinations. It is worth to note that "Brighter Future" is a non-profit organization dedicated to welfare and "wealth redistribution". Investigation of it`s leader, Miss Step, is currently underway.

Name: Soft Touch
Threat Level: C
DOB: Jul 23, 976 Anno Celestia
Relatives: None known.
Incarceration Date: Nov 12, 1010 AC.
Sentence: 18 years of incarceration
Crimes: Unsolicited euthanasia.
Details: Generally docile, but under no circumstances should be allowed to perform any medical duties whatsoever.
Previous convictions: None.
Biography Notes: Soft Touch, until recently, had been considered an exemplary nurse. For the last eight years, she`s been an employee of Ponyville Hospital. There, Soft Touch had carried out no less then four unauthorized euthanasias over the course of last year, at least one of them - against the wishes of pony in question (Grandma Smith). According to the statement Soft Touch made to the court psychiatrist, she began carrying out euthanasias starting from May 3, 1009 - this being the date when she performed euthanasia on her life partner Cloud Jumper, who had been diagnosed with marrow cancer several days prior. Soft Touch believes her actions were solely to spare the ponies in question from the drawn-out agony.

Name: Rainbow Flash
Threat Level: B
DOB: March 19, 980 Anno Celestia.
Relatives: None known.
Incarceration Date: Oct 23, 1011 AC
Sentence: Pending Execution
Crimes: Murder, stalking, assault and battery.
Details: Exceptionally dangerous. Manacles should never be removed without at least four guards on detail. Not to be given anything sharp or breakable.
Previous convictions: four cases of disorderly conduct, two cases of insubordination, assault and battery (court martial acquitted her due to "extenuating circumstances").
Biography Notes: Specialist in aerial reconnaissance, Rainbow Flash had joined military straight from Cloudsdale Orphanage. Decorated for bravery after Jaman incident. Decorated for honor during the Saddle Arabia second campaign. Murdered two superior officers (cptn. Rushing Wind and mjr. Thunderstrike) and three soldiers (Twister, Keen Eyes and Straw Hat) on Oct 21, 1011 AC. According to testimonies of fellow soldiers, Rainbow Flash had been abandoned with her platoon to the superior enemy force on the order of captain Rushing Wind. She later rejoined the force as a sole survivor, but had been reassigned to Equestria on the orders of major Thunderstrike immediately. Ever since then, Rainbow Flash had a grudge against the two and stalked them to prevent any more "disloyal conduct", which culminated over the alleged theft of funds by Rushing Wind. Rainbow Flash insists that all five ponies she murdered are traitors to Equestria by their disloyal actions.

Name: Jack "Hayseed" Apple
Threat Level: C
DOB: Presumably, July 976 Anno Celestia
Relatives: Apple family clan (see Apple Almanac for full list of relatives)
Incarceration Date: Nov 14, 1010 AC.
Sentence: 13 years of incarceration.
Crimes: Assault, kidnapping, torture, murder.
Details: Exceptionally strong. Exhibits psychotic reaction to lies.
Previous convictions: None.
Biography Notes: Jack Apple is one of the born members of Apple clan, and until late 1010 never left Ponyville. Due to clan`s religious doctrine, Jack perceives any act of lying to be an affront to Celestia, and believes it`s his holy duty to "purify" the liar. In accordance with traditional Apple upbringing, "purification" is factually flogging. Following Grandma Smith`s death in 1010 (see Soft Touch file), Jack Apple had been elected as representative of Apples in the court case to follow. Having been present at four court hearings during that period, Jack had taken it upon himself to track down and "purify" six ponies whom he perceived as liars during the court sessions. One of the victims, defense attorney Glib Tongue, was consequently flogged to death. Jack Apple readily confessed to carrying out the floggings and was immediately arrested the next day.

Name: Pinkamena aka Smiler aka Laughing Mare aka Pie aka Killer Joke
Threat Level: A
DOB: Presumably, Feb 974 Anno Celestia.
Relatives: Bonanza Claim (father), Rock Candy (mother), Ink Spot (sister), Blink Blink (sister)
Incarceration Date: Oct 9, 1011 AC
Sentence: Pending Execution
Crimes: Arson, serial murder, kidnapping, cannibalism.
Details: Exceptionally dangerous. Manacles and muzzle should never be removed without at least four guards on detail. Not to be given anything, period.
Previous convictions: None.
Biography Notes: Pinkamena had been confirmed as the infamous "Smiling Killer". Overall, twenty three ponies died in two arsons and seven more were tortured, killed and dismembered in the basement of cake shop where Pinkamena was employed as the baker. Eleven squares of tanned pony skin with cutie marks on it were recovered, suggesting that either the number of victims is even greater or that Pinkamena also engaged in graverobbing. Utensils and containers recovered at the crime scene strongly suggest Pinkamena consumed the flesh of victims. Samples of cakes confiscated at the shop confirm that Pinkamena had been adding shredded pony flesh to the batter, thus turning all of shop`s customers into unwitting cannibals as well..

735355 These are Awesome!
The question is, where does the story go from there?

One possibility could be that the terrorist organization N.M.M. attacked the prison they are all incarcerated in with heavy ordnance to break out their leader or a high-ranking member (or avenge the latter if she died in there) - the six meet each other because of a computer virus in the autoated cell lock control (or the magical equivalents thereof) freed all prisoners to provide further distraction, then eventually find each their own reason to fight N.M.M. and team up.

Another approach at the Honesty concept could be a cop that simply got ever more brutal in his or her interrogation methods and investigation methods, as a result of an entire squad of cops being led into a trap and massacred after the mafia mare that supposedly sold out her mistress turned out to have been sent to the cops to lay the bait.

736082 Well, seeing how I am the one writing it, the opening plot is that these ponies are being sentenced to cementification for their various crimes and Twilight has asked to interview these ponies before she and the others turn them to stone [x] weeks later. However, and Im borrowing a bit of your idea, another terrorist organization attacks before the cementification and they escape in the ensuing panic. I probably wont do the last part of fighting the NMM.
Btw, what does NMM stand for

735355 Wow, you're right. My characters a bit cliche Anyway, the opening plot is that these ponies are being sentenced to cementification for their various crimes and Twilight has asked to interview these ponies before she and the others turn them to stone [x] weeks later. However, and Im borrowing a bit of your idea, another terrorist organization attacks before the cementification and they escape in the ensuing panic. I think my stories a bit cliche as well... Got any ideas?

736584
736082

That depends on what exactly are your end goals in story.

With the dossiers I`ve laid down, the obvious attacker would be "Brighter Future". Looking to retrieve Disparity before he is shipped off to death row, they attack the prison facility. In order to increase confusion and make it less obvious who exactly carried out the attack, they release every single prisoner they encounter on the way. Although there`s more then just the described six, let`s focus on them for now...

Rainbow Flash is set loose mere moments before Disparity and immediately offers her loyalty to the members of organization, as she believes herself to be betrayed by current government. Disparity sees no reason to refuse and both of them evacuate along with the rest of "Brighter Future" strike team. On the way out, at Disparity`s request, strike team breaches the magic containment chamber and retrieves Cracked Spindle - Disparity is not aware of what exactly she is, but to Disparity, any enemy of the state is a potential ally.

Pinkamena is released in the confusion and immediately cuts a bloody swath through guardsponies and inmates alike. "Brighter Future" makes it a point to avoid her, believing that whatever chaos she causes in the city will help them get away with the breach. Pinkamena leaves the prison premises shortly after and vanishes in the Canterlot`s slums. On the way out, she sets several fires, which quickly spread to the whole facility.

Jack Apple and Soft Touch are released as well, separately. Jack attempts to help the guards, but the group he encounters is openly hostile and forces him to take cover. While they are engaged in shouting match across the corridor, guards are set upon by Pinkamena, who slaughters them and makes for the yard. Having no other options, Jack follows. Pinkamena is already gone, but in the yard he stumbles upon Soft Touch, who is "taking care" of wounded guards. Initially, Jack wants to confront Soft Touch (He has a personal grudge against Soft Touch due to her killing Grandma Smith a while earlier.), but upon calling her out, he realizes Soft Touch is completely honest about her actions - she only wants to end the suffering. Discouraged by prison breach and distrustful of government judgment, Jack makes Soft Touch follow him and makes it out of burning prison, intent on seeking council and judgment from Apple clan elders.

At this point, we have three separate forces against the Canterlot government.

A) "Brighter Future", who step up the game, believing that only the violent uprising will end the corrupt tyranny of the rich nobles. Disparity and Rainbow Flash form an unusual, but strangely effective attack team, while Cracked Spindle, somewhat confused but nonetheless enthused about the promises of "unrestrained research" by Miss Step, releases a number of magical wunderwaffe on major Equestrian cities, most importantly Canterlot.

B) Pinkamena, who cuts loose in the "nothing to lose" rampage through the Canterlot. Aided by the civil unrest, she cuts a swath of indiscriminate murder anywhere she appears. "Brighter Future" notices that and makes an effort to manipulate Pinkamena, luring her to their potential marks.

C) Apple Clan, disturbed by Jack Apple`s conviction and subsequent escape, issues a call to all it`s members, consolidating their forces for what they believe is the beginning of another cataclysm. While initially they intend to punish Soft Touch for her actions, the council fails to see any falsehood in her actions. They summarily decide that Soft Touch is "In Celestia`s divine power" and entrust her to Jack Apple as a ward and helper. Jack`s not happy about it, but eventually relents and finds himself curious about the quiet nurse as the clan begins to circle the wagons.

I am not sure how to end this, as of now, but one possibility is that due to covert actions by government, ":Brighter Future " is set on collision path with Apple Clan. In a classic revolutionaries versus conservatives opposition, "Brighter Future" believes Apples to be a reactionary force that derives it`s power from oppression of the masses, while Apples see "Brighter Future" as dangerous heretics.

In the series of altercations that follows, "Brighter Future" strike team, led by Disparity and Rainbow Flash manages to breach into the Apple Estate, but suffers heavy casualties. With the clan in utter disarray, Jack Apple and Soft Touch are forced to escape the burning compound. Ultimately, they are bound for Appleloosa, another town where Apples hold a strong influence, intent on seeking shelter and assistance. Meanwhile, Pinkamena is led by government agents to the headquarters of "Brighter Future". She slaughters most of the opposition, including Miss Step, but is befuddled by Cracked Spindle - as Cracked Spindle is the only pony who completely fails to fear her.

A few moments later, Pinkamena is set upon by the remains of strike team. Too curious about Cracked Spindle to mount the proper rebuke, Pinkamena flees the premises, grabbing the mad scientist along. Disparity rallies the remaining members of "Brighter Future" and announces they are to depart to Phillydelphia to lay low and regroup. The story ends with three "teams" opposing each other from different towns. Jack Apple and Soft Touch in Appleloosa, Disparity and Rainbow Flash in Phillydelphia and Pinkamena and Cracked Spindle in Canterlot.

736888 Hm, what about we take the terrorist group out of the equation. Honestly, I don't really want them to play such a major role in the story. What if we just made it out to be a random event. And I like the characters, but I feel like changing some certain things about them. Like the names and genders and that sort of thing. And the plot you suggested: while it is a good plot, I didn't want to focus on the 'they're really evil' part, and focus more on how them and the Mane Six are opposite sides of the same spectrum.
Another thing would be Cracked's origins. I feel that the 'Dragon Egg Test' thing is overused and the 'turned to plants' thing would be abit lazy. I think a better idea would be to take a page from 'The Secret Life of Rarity', where Cracked is bullied on his first day of school by three bullies. Cracked then smashes the skulls of the three ponies, killing two but knocking out the third. Cracked is enamoured by the blood and bits of gore he sees and hides the bodies, waiting until after school to disect the two and slowly torture to death the third one using magic. He eventually dabbles in necromancy in his teen years in secret and slowly perfects the art of slowly and/or painfully killing someone using magic (i.e. making a rune to make someone spontaneously combust, make a potion to increase longevity so he can experiment on them more, or make a spell to make any body part slowly dissolve). He will eventually become the Baltimare Killer, known for his methods of brutal methods of psychological and physical experimentation on his victims before capture. He preforms Holocaust doctor-esque experiments on his victims, like placing them in icy water and time how long it takes for them to die of hypothermia, or ripping out a person's eyes to test the effects of extremely sudden blindness.

Now on to Jack. I REALLY didn't want him to be part of the Apple family or sound similar to Applejack. I think he should just be renamed Hayseed and leave it at that. And the Apple clan... and honestly, that bugged me a bit. I don't really want this focused on major groups on this fan fic. It should just be there to be there and to provide sub-plots. I like the origin to a point, but I really think he shouldn't focus that much on family. Thats AJ's department

Let's do Rainbow Flash.... Rainbow Flash.....Flash...... Sorry, just that was just really lazy, no offense. Actually, IDEA! What if we combined the two we came up with. He is abandoned by his platoon and is captured by dragons. He's sent to a POW camp where he is tortured and had his confidence shattered. He eventually escapes, scarred for life, finds his way back to his platoon where he kills his CO and his second-in-command among other soldiers. His loyalty for his country is destroyed from being abandoned and then tortured by dragons, so if anyone is willing to stick with him, he'll being loyal to being near zealous in loyalty. With his personality, think of those small street gangs, y'know, the ones where one of the guys is like a overly-loyal new recruit kid. He is quick to stand up for his friends, but lacks the confidence to question his friends. Either way, what I wanted to do mainly was to show the opposite spectrums of loyalty: Rainbow Dash is confident, brash, and loyal to her friends because she is great friends with the Mane Six and would stick up for them. The other dude is unconfident, spineless, but incredibly loyal due to the fact he doesn't want to be abandoned and would do anything to make sure he isn't betrayed, so he follows his orders to a T.

Soft Touch: Nothing to be said here. We can both agree that she should be a nurse that practices in euthanasia. We also agree on the origins, so there really isn't much said here.

Disparity: Communist terrorist: Yes. Should incorperate communist terrorist group in story: No. That is all.

Pinkamena:

New plot: With the Elements of Harmony back in possesion, Celestia starts a legal policy where if the Elements can 'fix' the inmate, they will recieve a slightly shorter sentence (from 20 years to 15 years) or a change in sentence (from cementation, Equestria's capital punishment, to life-sentence). Twilight and the rest of the Mane Six are sent to Canterlot Maximum Security Prison to interview them, each recieving their respective inmate.
There, Twilight learns the horrors that Cracked has done and is shocked that her Element could be used in such a cruel way. Cracked replies sadisticly and talks about how Twilight must also use magic for science sometimes, though the extenet of which they disagree on.
Applejack is disgusted by the fact that Hayseed would do such awful things to a person just because they lied. Hayseed calls her a hypocrite for saying that, saying if lying at all is a good thing, thats like saying only telling the truth all the time is a bad thing. AJ replies saying that she has lied a few times, causing Hayseed to freak out before being dragged away by guards.
Rainbow calls Flash a traitor for killing those soldiers. He replies saying that they already betrayed him and deserved to die. They get into a heated argument, until Cracked, who was also in the same room with him, tells him to stop arguing, where Flash becomes an unconfident doormat again and stops arguing with Rainbow.
Fluttershy is appaled by the fact that Soft euthanised those ponies. Soft replies stating that if they were already suffering, why not let their suffering end, and not let their lovers or family decide whether or not they die a painful and slow or quick and almost-or-painless death.
Pinkie Pie and Pinkamena.........

So after they interview and all that jazz, time passes. The cementation is one week away and BAM! Power outage at the prison and they escape, leaving a VERY bloody trail of guards and civilians in their wake. And thats as far as I think I can get from this point.

Anyway, I agree with some of your ideas and some I disagree with. However I appreciate the feedback, critisism, and ideas for the story. Thank you. Here's your compensation:

737512

Guess I wasn`t entirely clear...

The idea is that each and every single one of "villains" sincerely believes they are doing what`s right. And while their reasons range from completely grounded (Disparity) to outright insane (Pinkamena), they all have their very good reasons to act the way they do.

Characters that do "evulz for the evulz" are very flat and ultimately, disinteresting. Compare, say, Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget and doctor Horrible from Dr. Horrible`s Sing-Along Blog. When we look on it from logical point of view, both are doing exactly the same thing - making schemes that would allow them to succeed against ostensibly overpowered and annoying hero and failing miserably. The difference is, however, that we have absolutely no sympathy for Dr. Claw, who does it "for the evulz". Dr. Horrible, on the flip side, is very sympathetic, and we will be rooting for HIM to win, even though he is on the side of "evil".

___

That being said, bear in mind that this is MY plot. I`ve showcased it simply to give you an example of how I would go about making a set of villainous element bearers. Ergo the numerous callbacks to the canon and close ties of the characters to their respective protagonists.

As for you? Well, you`ll have to develop your own set of malcontents, I`m afraid. After all, you`re writing your idea, not mine.

___

Now, as for your ideas...

Magic:
BLOODY HOW!? How do you imagine a schoolkid getting away with two murders and kidnapping on the very first day? OK, so let`s for a second suppose that Cracked Spindle (a nerd supreme, let`s not forget that tidbit) somehow manages to kill two out of three bullies, and knock out the third. HOW? Winning a fight against three opponents is a problematic task, and requires sufficient combat training, even if the opponents are untrained. In our situation, however, we have a nerd who`s rather remote from the whole notion of violence versus three bullies, who, by the virtue of being bullies, DO have some rudimentary fighting skills. And even if we assume the impossible and Spindle wins... How, in the name of all that is sane, they`re able to hide the fact they just murdered two schoolmates and kidnapped a third one? Schools tend to do a roll call, you know. Specifically to ensure none of the kids are missing, among other things.

Honesty:
Lying is natural ,and loners rarely if ever develop psychotic response to natural actions. No, in order for someone to have a psychotic response to lying, they have to be conditioned into it. And by conditioning, I mean that notion of lying should evoke not fear, but revulsion and anger.

Loyalty:
Dragons? Really? The big reptiles who live for millenias and tend to be rather solitary? And they would suddenly keep... POW camps? It`s not even remotely plausible. Dragons would simply eat all the ponies left behind on the field, if they were to emerge victorious out of the skirmish.
Griffons or diamond dogs might, but that raises the second question. What you`re trying for is Rambo-type person, but that kind of person does not work with the premise of being broken. Factually, broken person is called broken for a darn good reason - hey don`t have it in them anymore to fight. They`re given to fear easily, and most certainly are not capable of premeditated murder.
Ergo, my suggestion that the character in question should be a sole survivor rather then POW. The "too stubborn to die" kind of person, who`s unexpected return rattles all of the people on the force in a bad way.

Kindness:
There`s one important caveat - in my version of events, character in question does NOT commit with the murder if there`s a reasonable chance of recuperation. All of their murders are essentially mercy killings.

Generosity:
Communism is literally impossible for a loner. You HAVE to include a group for them to act with, if they are to be communist. If you need the person in question to be a loner, you need to invent some other gimmick for them. Something like reverse Batman, for example - after losing parents to powergames of Canterlot nobility, young heir is disillusioned with the court and comes to believe that court needs to give up all their money and influence to allow everyone their fair share. Seeing as nobles are not about to relinquish their claims, they set about killing them off one by one, hoping to eliminate enough of them to scare the rest into giving up their fortunes to the people.

Laughter:
There`s little else to connect to laughter other then a complete derangement of person in question, if they are to be tried as criminal. Only a madmare would laugh it up in the face of execution.

___

I find your new plot to be implausible in places as well.

Most glaring - WHY would Bad Magic be present during the conversation of Loyalties? It`s stupid - to put more then one criminal in the room at the time for interview. If they are implicated of same crime, they`d be kept separately at all times to deny them a chance to conspire and synchronize their testimonies. The only reason why two would be brought in same interview would be if one were to witness against the second, or if both of them insisted other is responsible for the crime. If they are implicated in different crimes, there`s no reason to interview them together at all.

Also, I have to ask, why would each element interview their specific criminal? It makes more sense if all of Mane 6 conducts an interview.

Magic: Bad Magic can appeal to Twilight Sparkle, claiming that their actions were justified by the scientific results of thereof, but Fluttershy can counter that with "no discovery is worth this much suffering".
Generosity: Bad Generosity can appeal to Rarity, claiming that few should not hoard what can benefit many, but Applejack can counter that with "robbery is still robbery".
Kindness: Bad Kindness can appeal to Fluttershy, claiming that mercy kill is the kind option, but Rainbow Dash can counter that with "let them decide if they should live or die".
Loyalty: Bad Loyalty can appeal to Rainbow Dash, claiming that disloyalty must be punished, but Rarity can counter that with "figure out if it is a disloyalty first".
Honesty: Bad Honesty can appeal to Applejack, claiming that dishonesty ruins everything, but Pinkie Pie can counter that with "a joke is also a lie, but it makes things better".
Laughter: Bad Laughter can appeal to Pinkie Pie, claiming it`s fun to destroy, but Twilight Sparkle can counter that with "won`t be so fun when everything is destroyed".

N.B. - as you can notice, not all counters are directly based on element, some are based more on personality. Rarity, for example, would be well familiar with deceiving appearances, while Twilight is likely to try and show some foresight.

737636
Maybe I should get a bit more writing experience before I start this, because I seem to be making a lot of cliches and plot holes. And I guess I do have some malcontents, but don't we all. We're always biased in writing or any form of expression for that matter. And that's art: Multiple interpritations. We both believe in a different way to progress the story and you made som INCREDIBLY good points. Honestly, I only picked dragons for that just because you can always take one out and replace it with another. I mean seriously, does it really matter what race does it, and in the end it doesn't really matter because they're just being used for exposition. I agree with your character and plot assessments, but I just have to say one thing:
As for Cracked, yeaahhh didn't think that one through. As for the origin: you came up with a better (albiet slightly unoriginal) childhood trauma than I could. As for his personality: I was thinking along the lines of a Nazi scientist, curious to the point of extreme cruelty. Also, I don't think that Twilight would think that murdering and experimenting on people can be justified by its scientific benefits. Does that mean that the Nazi scientists that did things like forcing Jews into freezing cold water and kept them in there to measure hypothermia's effects on the body are justified by their results? No.
Disparity: As for what I said, I meant he should be a communist terrorist thats part of a terrorist organization to, 'redistribute wealth' and 'take down the bourgeois'. What I meant was that the terrorist group shouldn't play a major role in the story. It should have some role to play, but not a big one.
Hayseed: When I meant 'freak out' I didn't mean in fear. I meant in the sense that he goes apesh** and tries to attack her. And as for conditioning, couldn't he be conditioned by really religious and strict parents? Yes, its cliche, but the Mane Six are also cliched.
Loyalty: How exactly does that personality fit in with him being the darker side of loyalty? If he's killing them because they're traitors I guess that could work. I guess the 'one survivor' thing would work and I've already got the bit that snaps him in my head.
Laughter: What if the legal system of Equestria is different than ours? What if you commited a crime(s) so horrendous that the insanity plea will still get you cementation?
Kindness: I think this is something we can 100% agree on.

Plot: Good point and good idea.

738476

Devil is in the details, you see.

For example, what race runs the POW camp? it`s very important to showcase what exactly had happened to character in there. For example, camp run by Diamond Dogs is likely to force ponies into backbreaking labor. Dogs are primarily interested in mining, and they might be in custom of removing wings and horns from captives, as they need them simply as beasts of burden. They might also remove the tongues to silence the captive workforce. On the flip side, camp run by Dragons is likely to be a sort of lifestock farm, where ponies are kept and maybe even bred to be used as food. In this setting, the mindbreak comes not from the labor and mutilation, but from never-ending anticipation of being picked as today`s meal, watching many a friend being taken away or possibly even butchered right in the view, and yet being unable to interfere. This will directly affect the state of person recovered from such a camp - in first case, they will likely come with scars to show, but with relatively intact mind, while in second case, their bodies will be likely undamaged, but mind will be plagued by constant paranoia.

As for Nazi... Uh. Very iffy topic here. You see, their experiments, while definitely inhumane, DID advance medical studies richly. Pretty much all modern methods of treating frostbites and burns are related in one way or another to Mengele`s efforts. Also, it`s worth to mention that his results could NOT be obtained without freezing and burning a number of people - and yes, nazi are not the only nation who performed such experiments. Tuskegee experiment comes to mind. In this case, as grim as it sounds, ends justify the means. The rest of the world just got lucky they could blame the nasty part of experiment on nazi.

My point about conditioning is that if you beat a child for lying, they grow up associating lying with fear. That means that while they themselves are quite unwilling to lie, it also means accomplished liars scare them greatly. In order to bring up a child that reacts to lying with hatred, parents would need to get their child to punish others for lies as well. To get the idea in that child in question should feel rage and indignation at the idea that liar exists, not the fear of lie per ce.

As for loyalty, personal view of loyalty can sharply conflict with global view of loyalty. At times. commander is forced to blow up the bridge, even though he knows some of his soldiers are still on it. From the viewpoint of those soldiers, they were betrayed by commander. From the viewpoint of country, commander did the right thing. It`s entirely possible that officers that Bad Loyalty views as traitors are actually heroes of the realm forced to commit with a hard decision.

The problem with Laughter is simple - while I have no doubt that even Equestria would condemn someone criminally insane to petrification (hint-hint, Discord), the problem is not the punishment but crime. Simply speaking, Laughter needs some way to commit all those crimes. And for that, adopting the ways of serial killers is the most reasonable way. Think about John Gacy, for example, or Albert Fish.

736529 I simply took the acronym for Night Mare Moon. Luna would make a good terrorist leader if the story has a darker tone.

738843 why the FUCK would Luna do that? She was imprisioned for 1000 years. Thats 10 centuries! After NMM was defeated, she kinda learned her lesson. AND she was finally getting back in the public's good graces. Why the fuck would she say 'screw it, I'm becoming a terrorist and doing the exact same thing I did before. I'm sure nothing bad will happen to me or people's opinion of me.'? IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

738655 Okay, bad example. When the Nazis preformed an experiment where they injected other peoples' eyes with dye to see if they changed colors, if they succeeded would the ends justify the means of doing so? In fact, to make an example, I am going to use a tumblr to help.
Here are the links. (note these are all seperate links to the next panels of the comic. 1st link is first panel, 4th link is last panel)

If you didn't read it, I'll tell you what that comic is about:
In it, Twilight admits to kidnapping and cruelly and inhumanly experimenting on ponies. She has had a large amount of breakthroughs in medical field, even able transefer someone's cutie mark. However, she also says that it is extemely painful and still have higher cognitive fuction won't stop screaming in pain. Is Twilgiht justified for torturing and experimenting on literally hundreds of ponies to recieve massive breakthroughs in the medical field?

As for the POW thing, I think the latter options better. Mainly because physical scars are just for show, mental scars add to the personality. I now have the scene where he snaps in my head working itself out. I guess thats the benefit of an over-active imagination: you can picture things in your head almost instantly as the idea's been said.

For Hayseed, I just came up with an idea for how he can hate liars but still have a small family. Every family has traditions, and some families are very fucked up (see: Manson family). What if he grew up in a family where they have a tradition of killing liars and start from a young age. Come to think of it, thats also what Im doing for a fan fic where Applejack, a character that is seemly nonexistant in grimdarks, and is nonexistant as the villian of grim darks, is the villain for it.

With laughter, I will have to make her child abused by her parents. Mainly because most if not all known serial killers have been child abused by their parents or guardians. Also, what you said about using a serial killers techniques, I was thinking Jeffrey Dahmer. Mainly because he's also a famous cannibal serial killer.

738867 Alternately, it is actually Chrysalis again, pretending her secret identity (which is known to the inner circle of the organization, or so they think) is Luna, in order to frame the princess and start a civil war - pit Celestia against Luna and imprison the winner. Alternately she could pretend her secret identity is in fact Shining Armor, trying a coup.

What is very important either way is the interaction between the Elements

AJ has a friendly rivalry with RD and clashes with Rarity.
Zealous Honesty (an alternate approach could be that he/she saw a life get destroyed by a small lie and the resulting domino effect as a filly, maybe even grew up with a heartbroken single mother and killed his/her own father in revenge when he/she found out just what a sleazeball he was) would actually work well with Militantly Enforced Generosity - both come from poor homes destroyed by others and are led by their sense of justice, bent out of shape by their experiences. At the same time Zealous Honesty would also work well with Scorned Loyalty - While Scorned Loyalty at times may clash with Militantly Enforced Generosity, and may actually have the most scruples about which targets to choose.

Euthanasistic Kindness would actually clash with both Zealos Honesty and Scorned Loyalty - both want to punish their victims, a painless death is contrary to their interests. On the other hand Euthanasistic Kindness would work well with Militanty Enforced Generosity - when the latter can convince her to the point of view that you sometimes have to kill one person to end the suffering of many others, resulting in them working together in poison assassinations.

Euthanasistic Kindness would also heavily clash with Sadistic Laughter and Ruthless to Sadistic Research, even to the point of considering to kill them to protect others, even more so if convinced by Militantly Enforced Generosity prior.. Said Generosity would not even have that much of a problem with the sadists - they are simply instruments from an The Ends Justify The Means point of view - which in turn leads to Scorned Loyalty developing an aversion against all three of them, as the cold sacrificing of lives and sadistic torture are both things they have found themselves the victim of.
And where the mane six maybe are a little scared of Fluttershy's Stare, four of the other dark five (Sadistic Laughter does not care) may be genuinely afraid of what Euthanastic Kindness may do to them if they anger her too much, and they need her/him as a medic.

Depending on how broken, in case of Loyalty, or zealous to the point of self-punishment in case of Honesty (in that matter it could also fit that Honesty has cut out his/her own tongue to never tell a lie), the characters are they may even ask Kindness for death at some point, and Generosity has to stop this for selfish reasons - he/she still needs Loyalty and Honesty as weapons.
If Loyalty is physically mutilated (which would also make sense for the dragons, as they do not want their lifestock to fly away or rise against them with magic), the combination of Nurse Kindness and Researcher Magic could put him/her back together, in turn earning their Loyalty - this would also allow for a nice scene in which Loyalty screams in pain because Magic used the occasion to experiment on the patient, and Kindness is conflicted between the cries of "Aaarrh make it stop!" and "Continue Doc, I want to have wings again!" It could also be that Scorned Loyalty was on only halfway through with his/her hit list when he/she got captured, and has since maybe even added Celestia to the list.

As for Sadistic Laughter, to rack up a good kill count he/she would have either very strong hunter instincts and reflexes to not get caught the first few times (then skill begins to develop) or Pinkie Pie style reality bending abilities, maybe even to the point of being seen as more of an eldritch abomination, a boogeymare become real, by most ponies.
Edit: As for the abuse you mentioned, some people and by extension ponies are also psychopaths - no empathy, easily bored and thrill seeking. The step from that to sadism is a short one.

738991 Um, you do realise theyre in jail? And that was just confusing. I didn't get most of that. Was that a plot or a character description?

739001 It were my thoughts on how they could interact with each other once they are out of jail. You need relations between the characters to make a good story. As for it being confusing, I had an exam today and have no exactly slept much.

739096 Yeeah, good relations. They're not really a team if they always argue and clash. Your idea is that they mostly clash between each other and only a few of them go good together. Also, are those names their actual names or their personality, cause those aren't very descriptive personalities

738991 I just reread that and that was just awful... Chrysalis disguised as Nightmare Moon to frame Luna.... That would go against what we know about her at all. Changlings feed off of love, which is why the disguise as someone's lover and feed off their emotions. So why would Chrysalis, a changling, turn into one of the most hated figures in pony history, where she would get no love. And if she disguises as Shining Armor I pretty sure his wife or somepony else would notice. They probably, oh I don't know, put in defense measures to make sure that doesn't happen! Especially seeing how the guy your impersonating's wife was a captive of the changlings and was impersonated a while back. And she's a major politcal figure, so they'd definetly increase security measures to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Also:

Alternately, it is actually Chrysalis again, pretending her secret identity (which is known to the inner circle of the organization, or so they think) is Luna, in order to frame the princess and start a civil war - pit Celestia against Luna and imprison the winner.

That gave me cancer. There is so much shit in that sentence I don't know where to begin.

Alternately, it is actually Chrysalis again, pretending her secret identity (which is known to the inner circle of the organization, or so they think) is Luna, in order to frame the princess and start a civil war

Nightmare Moon is Luna. Luna is Nightmare Moon. You can't have both. One or the other. So I'm pretty sure Celestia would know something is up when Luna's alter-ego is threatening them while Luna is with Celestia.

- pit Celestia against Luna and imprison the winner.

Um, Elements of Harmony? Celestia would not battle NMM again when she can just use the Mane Six to send TO THE MOOOOONN!!! again. And if she did battle her, seeing how Celestia kicked her ass the first time, she'd probably win again. Secondly, Chrysalis would not be able to defeat Celestia. Before you say the 'Chrysalis beat Celestia in Season 2 Finale', remember that Chrysalis only won because she had tapped into Shining Armor's love for Cadence. Without that love, Chrysalis would be screwed. In fact, she would still be screwed. (read: Elements of Harmony, Cadence/Shining Armor)

Also, the plot thing you gave me. Please explain things. I didn't know Honesty and Generosity were both poor. Also, Militantly Inforced Generosity? The point is for it to be a part of their character naturally, no outside help needed.

738957

I`m not saying all of nazi experiments made scientific sense, but they DID perform a whole lot of "let`s see what happens if we do this" stuff that the rest of the world was iffy to try. Even the stuff that was pure and asinine drivel (like aforementioned blue dye thing) did provide a sizable statistic pool upon which medicine built heavily. As cynical as it sounds, medicine is one of the sciences that`s driven forth by suffering.

739123

Actually, he has rather solid ideas. Psychopaths as a rule of thumb have troubles getting along, and having a naturally occurring system of power checks may as well be vital for holding such a group together, if they happen to commit a joint jailbreak.

739683
738991 Hmm, actually read the thing meaningfully and it was good once I got past some of the confusing parts. They make good character development scenes. Y'know what, I'm gunna write the origin story for Kindness and Loyalty and I'll give you the link for the Google Docs version. You guys wanna be my pre-reader and editor?

739683 By the way, did you check out that Tumblr I gave you?

739711

Gosh no, I stringently avoided clicking on them links, instead relying on my awesome superpowers of superbullshitting to get me ahead.

OF COURSE I SKIMMED THROUGH THEM!

Sheesh. Not that there`s much relevance beyond the enother example of "unscrupulous science advancement". Try and understand something - there`s a big difference between condoning the experiments and using the results of such.

739852
[SARCASM DETECTED]
I know. Still a cool tumblr though.

739706 Eeyup I would definitely be interested.
And sorry for the scrambled mess I wrote yesterday. Since you guys were undecided on the names, I used the dark six's concepts as placeholders for their names. Sorry if it got confusing.
As for their relations, of course their relations are not as harmonic as those of the mane six, after all each of the dark six killed at least one pony that violated their personal code of values (or in case of Sadistic Laughter, was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time) and their personal codes of values collide at some point, each with at least one other member of the dark six. What keeps them together is that they are hunted by everypony else and that each has a pony in the group they share values with (Sadistic Laughter has a possible affection to Sadistic Research and his/her toybox), what keeps them in check internally is that each (with the possible exception of Sadistic Laughter) is also afraid of at least one group member.

740171 Um, we already had names for them:
Magic: Cracked Spindle
Generosity: Liberality (decided to change it because it sounded too much like Rarity; also if you go on a dictionary, the defenition of this is generosity)
Loyalty: changed it from Rainbow Flash (for obvious reasons) to Steadfast Integrity (both are synonyms to loyalty)
Honesty: Hayseed Fidelity
Kindness: Soft Touch
Laughter: Pinkamena

740171
739852
Here it is, still writing it for now though. Use the chat to tell me what I should or shouldn't do.

740171
739852
By the way when Im writing this, I'm going to portray him sort of like Victor Reznov and make some allusions to him.

740357

Loyalty and Honesty have awkward names that would be a mouthful to pronounce. I suggest you limit them to Steadfast and Hayseed respectively. In both cases, second word is posited way too heavyhanded.
Also... Optionally, you may consider Bad Generosity to be named Libertine. That adds the connotations of being generous with 'wrong' kind of favor.

I have no idea who Reznov is.

741110 You ever play Black Ops? If not, he was a Russian WW2 veteran who was on a secret mission for Soviets where his CO and the CO's second in command, who are both villians in the game, lock him and his best friend in gas chambers to test experimental gas on them. His best friend dies but he survives, but is abandoned by the military and escapes, where he is sent to a Russian labor camp and adopts a personal vendetta against the two soldiers and a Nazi doctor they were sent to fetch. He then meets the protagonist and is essentially your partner for most of the game. In fact, his catchphrase is: Dragovich (his CO).... Kravchenko (CO's second in command)..... Steiner (Nazi scientist).... all must die. He eventually indirectly causes two out of thier three deaths (three/three depending on how you played Black Ops 2)

741110 Btw, you can access the origin story for Steadfast

741278

...I looked it up and putting it bluntly, I quite dislike the whole Call of Duty series. It just... y`know, lacks that special something that would hook me up.

741316 Yeahh, Reznov was a good character though. A grizzled war veteran that was abandoned and left for dead by his superiors and then sent to a labor camp and now holds a death personal vendetta against them. Hmm, sound like anyone? Btw you gunna check out the fic while Im writing it? Cuz I gave you the link twice

741448

Not today. I`ve been working and I`m half-asleep. You don`t really want me to tear into your stuff when I`m tired, sleepy and annoyed. Men had been reduced to bitter tears before when I tried that.

741460 Hmm, okay tomarrow then

741315 This is really good! Well written, a good insight into the character, and well thought trough. I like Steadfast already.

745013 Im trying for him to seem like a nice kinda of guy, before getting betrayed and all of his compassion and such just fade away into the cruel and vengeful pony he is in the present. He will snap, and Im gunna make it emotional

745013 Btw can you give me some ideas that should go on in this chapter?

745835 I guess you plan for him to have lost his wings in the POW camp, which could either have happened as a general safety measure by the dragons (i.e. to all pegasi), a particular dragon could have had an appetite for wings but not enough appetite for the rest (and have kept him alive to keep the meat fresh, or simply discarded him in disregard, not caring either way whether he lived or died), or he could have lost the wings as a punishment, maybe for an escape attempt. For an escape to be possible despite of that, he would need to have trained the rest of his body to compensate for it, i.e. very high running speed, and very high stamina (though he probably already had the latter from his soldier training).

There is the question how he escaped in general. Given that the dragons probably have some trade relations with the diamond dogs (though it may be gems for protection), he could have escaped through a mine shaft. It would be more plausible than to escape through the desert while probably being hunted by dragons. In the mine shaft he would be protected from the heat, safe from the dragons due to their size (he just needs to get deep enough to escape their fire), and there are possibly diamond dogs he can beat up for their food or fungi he can live from.

Then there is the fact that his rage is the only thing that holds him together, if his interrogation scene is anything to go by, and he might be consciously aware of that. There may have been a time in the prisoner camp where he utterly broke down (most likely after losing his wings) and the only thing that eventually gave him new will to live (and thus also a new impulse to escape) was focusing on revenge.

Imo it would also make a great scene if Cracked Spindle gives him new wings after their escape, either purely by magic (she tries to turn herself into an alicorn and needs a test subject, or is simply practicing regeneration spells, figuring they will need them on their escape) or, for extra irony, transplanted from a young dragon they encounter and kill on their way (most likely Steadfast leading the attack). Immune system rejection is taken care of with a spell that reprograms it, though Steadfast may go through a few pairs of wings till Spindle gets the spell right, and there may still be psychosomatic rejection, or a side effect of the spell may be Steadfast slowly transforming into a dragon. Alternately the wings are kept alive by necromancy, and Steadfast needs Spindle's support to fly, or at least a unicorn to requarge the crystals embedded in the wings (as energy storage), much to his chagrin.

746488>>741460 Hey when I'm done with the prologue and the like, would you guys be my pre-readers and/or editors? Mainly because you both majorly influenced the story in the first place, and I think you should see it when its released

763278

I`m not sure I can do much as beta. My grasp of english language comes with... vell, a russian accent.

I can help you with sanity check, but it`s highly likely I`ll tear you a new one over the implausible moments you`re very likely to have. So... I can look, but consider your fortitude critically before going for that option.

763278 It would be an honor.