I Was/I Am

By: Ivory D. Jackson

I was the baby, born in a snowstorm

Three months early.

I was the baby

With curly brown hair and who's chance at life

Only maybe.

I was the baby

Whom everyone was afraid to touch

For fear I’d break!

I was the baby

Who as I grew bigger, learned how to give and take what was mine.

I was the baby

Who could work a TV remote better than any baby should

I was the baby

With the breathing tubes up her little nose

Who’d listen to the sounds of a heart rate monitor and her own breathing as lullabies.

I was the baby

Until I was a toddler

I was the child

With hair down her back, past her butt

And a smile as wide as the river Rouge.

I was the child

Who by age 4 had already been familiar with hospitals and the idea of surgery

But smiled anyways.

I was the child

Who’d talk to herself constantly

and laugh even louder at her own jokes.

I was the child

Who’d play games

Read books

Tease her big brother

Adored her big sister

And feared/loved her mother.

I was the child

Always getting in trouble by her big ‘ol mouth

Who never really figured out when to shut up and when to talk.

I was the child

Who loved to sing!

Loved to dance!

Loved animals.

Loved astronomy and science.

I was the child

Who’d get called “LD”, “Retarded” or “Ugly”.

I was the child

Who always was the errand runner for her teachers

And who did fantastic on spelling tests.

I was the child

Who by age 11 had seen and been in more fights than she cared to remember

I was the child

Who by age 10, knew how to help raise a baby

Who became an auntie herself.

I was the child

Abandoned by her father

Worked tirelessly by her mother

And still had a smile on her face.

I was the teenager

Who didn't talk much in class

Only when necessary.

I was the teenager

Who by 13 knew what a SEXUAL HARASSMENT COMPLAINT was

and had used it necessarily!

I was the teenager

Who by 14, found herself living with her aunt

No clear explanation as to why.

I was the teenager

Who by her 10th grade year, had seen 9 different schools in her lifetime!

I was the teenager

Diagnosed with Autism at almost 15

A relief! Answers fell into place.

I was the teenager

Who loved theater

Loved to sing

Loved to draw

Loved videogames.

I was the teenager

Who often didn't act like a “normal” one

Who preferred her quiet times and being alone.

I was the teenager

Who by 17 had been in a mental institution TWICE

and yet still smiled.

I was the teenager

Who fought hard for her education

and made her family and herself proud by graduating.

I am the woman

Who grew from the baby

Played as the child

Suffered through the teenager

And came out stronger.

I am the woman

Who’s still a little messed up, but fixing herself.

I am the woman

Who smiles and laughs, even when no one is watching.

I am the woman

Who loves to sing

Loves astronomy and science

Loves to cook

Loves videogames

and loves to read.

I am the woman

Who still talks to herself.

I am the woman

Who loves deeply and passionately!

I am the woman

Who refuses to be put down by what others may think or say.

I am the woman

With thick dark hair, soulful brown eyes, skin the color of a caramel candy

and zitz!

I am the woman

Who writes with enough emotion to get attention

and keeps it!

I am the woman

With the voice that can only be a miracle of God

Because my parents surely didn't pass that on!

I am Ivory

I am ME!