When a mare and her sister are kicked out of their stable, they discover the vast and open, ruthless wasteland. Follow Wary and friends she picks up along the way, traveling from Baltimare and to Las Pegasus, to unravel the mysteries of the Embers.
Hello there. So I'm the first to comment your story? Okay then...
First: there're no grammar-/spelling errors that burn out my eyes instantly, but I'm no native speaker, so...yeah, for that you should maybe wait for one to come by.
While I was reading your first chapters I didn't really get your OC's name, the color of his/her mane etc (but maybe that's just me) and I think the story progresses a little bit fast, exspecially at the start. You should elaborate your OC's background a bit. I don't really know what your OC's stable's like, except that there's this bully and the mean overmare. My first chapter(s) were quite similar, except that I used more words with the same outcome.
Okay, all that sounded more destructive than intended...
On the plus side: (apart from the story itself, I don't jugde that.) - the segmentation of your paragraphs cheer my eyes. I wish I would be able to do it like that. - if the stable's not important for the whole story, than I'll be fine with the rushed introduction.
Don't be discouraged by comments of any kind, even if what I just told you sounds as if I didn't like your story. Keep writing.
4074207 There`s nothing wrong with constructive critism. Thank you for reading. I will explain the OC`s origin or background if you will. Her name is Wary. Thank you and if you want you can be a proofreader
Please Comment Your Opinion. This is my first story
Hello there.
So I'm the first to comment your story? Okay then...
First: there're no grammar-/spelling errors that burn out my eyes instantly, but I'm no native speaker, so...yeah, for that you should maybe wait for one to come by.
While I was reading your first chapters I didn't really get your OC's name, the color of his/her mane etc (but maybe that's just me) and I think the story progresses a little bit fast, exspecially at the start. You should elaborate your OC's background a bit.
I don't really know what your OC's stable's like, except that there's this bully and the mean overmare. My first chapter(s) were quite similar, except that I used more words with the same outcome.
Okay, all that sounded more destructive than intended...
On the plus side: (apart from the story itself, I don't jugde that.)
- the segmentation of your paragraphs cheer my eyes. I wish I would be able to do it like that.
- if the stable's not important for the whole story, than I'll be fine with the rushed introduction.
Don't be discouraged by comments of any kind, even if what I just told you sounds as if I didn't like your story. Keep writing.
4074207 There`s nothing wrong with constructive critism. Thank you for reading. I will explain the OC`s origin or background if you will. Her name is Wary. Thank you and if you want you can be a proofreader