My sixth year anniversary on the site. · 7:13am Oct 12th, 2022
The fact that I still can maintain connection to the internet is... quite a miracle. (thanks Winscribe!) And the situation here is getting more dire day by day with the unity between people to dethrone the current regime gets stronger and stronger, it's only a matter of time till the revolution succeeds.
But, today I didn't log on to talk about that. I want to talk about stuff here. Knowing, the chances of getting shot in the streets and sleeping next to Mahsa are high, I want to get this out first.
Looking back, I can't quite shake the feeling that I simply didn't accomplish shit. I still haven't even finished phase one of the EqG series I am doing. Something I set out to do last year and failed. Not to mention I probably haven't been able to improve on a good margin for these EqG stories to even be slightly entertaining and good. I still haven't found the audience who is interested in that. which again, was something I set out to do last year.
Now, I did try out something different by "Chained Beast of The Dungeon" which was received extremally well and gave me my first feature. (AND FANART! Not gonna forget about that!) But, looking back at the story now, I cant help but think it's not that good and I could have done so much more with it's plot and pacing. Something to try and improve on in it's sequels. That is if I live to write them.
In short, looking back at the year that passed, I can only describe my achievements as insignificant. Which brings me back to a question that has dwelled in my mind for a long time now.
Do I even belong here?
A question that, remains to be without a clear answer in my mind. I have thought about leaving the fandom, the site, and the associated discord servers and move to a place for original stories. I still haven't found enough good places for that to make the final say. But it is something I am actively searching for and considering constantly. I mean, sooner or later I would leave to peruse my original projects. like what would another year of mediocre EqG stories do?
Now, I have met amazing people through out my time in the fandom. Which I'm grateful for it. However, should I decide to follow through protocol leave, I probably would either limit my integrations with or... simply stop interacting with. Not because I suddenly hate them or something, no. But, more because if I decide to "move on" I want to REALLY, "move on". If I make sense.
Nothing is final yet. And as much as I hate having uncertainty, I still want to have hope for getting better here. I still want to write EqG. I still have some fight left in me. And I will stay till the last drop of that fighting leaves me.
It really doesn't make sense to me that you would have to 'cut loose' the past in order to embrace the future.
If you want to try and explore original fiction, do so. But that doesn't mean you have to leave FiMfiction in the slightest.
As I said it before. If staying makes you happy, then stay.
Sometimes there is no point in pursing something if it is not bringing you joy. Especially if you feel as if you have to finish it since you already worked on it for a long time. Perhaps that is why "Chained Beast of The Dungeon" was so great, because it was new and separate from rest of the works.
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It's not about finishing it. It's about making progress and improvement.