Heartbreak · 8:17pm Oct 5th, 2022
Hey guys, FimFic's most consistently late author here, today I wanted to unwind, in 2019 I met the love of my life, she was wonderful, we laughed, we cried, we sang and we danced together, we went to live on our own with our daughter and all seemed fine, not so much.
she didn't tell me at the time, but when we got evicted and she had to go live with my mom (her's was nowhere to be found) she began feeling not so good with our relationship, I asked her of course, but I wasn't living with her and I only saw her once or twice a month, three weeks ago she went to where I was living at the time and she seemed distant, she had found a friend she hung out a lot with and she would be on the phone with him for increasingly longer periods of time.
This of course made me scared, and I admit this was stupid of me, I became clingy, too much, she got scared and the rest of the love she felt for me faded away, we broke up two days ago, about 4 days ago I called her at 2 AM cause I wanted to know how she was, whe she answered though, for a brief second I heard heavy breathing in the background, this made my heart sink immediatly I knew exactly what happened but I said nothing, I just asked her if she was free to talk and she said no... It is worth mentioning that I was taking care of our Cassie while she slept arround, we had an open relationship with the condition that she would tell me whenever she did sleep with another person, this time though I had to confront her, it wasn't pretty, and the breaking up took 3 days of talking.
I had forgiven her and I wantd to carry on with our relationship, she did not. we are still friends though, and it is my hope that with time and some self improvement we can get back together, I know it seems stupid, irrational even, but I cannot put into words just how much she means to me, how much I love her, how much I want her touch, how much I need to hear her voice, I feel "fine" enough, jealous of her new boyfriend, and wanting to go back, but I have to give her space or I risk losing her forever.
I try not to talk to her too often but it's hard, I find myself looking for excuses to talk to her, for her to come see me, I am taking care of our daughter right now, I will for the forseeable future, which means I'll get to hang out with her plenty.
Still this is not enough time with her for my poor heart, I love her to death, I feel like a dog that has been abandoned, even though it's master left him out in the cold it still wants to feel the warmth it felt before, it hurts to be like this, I give way to much of my being and I cant help it, that's just who I am, I also don't think I'll be able to stop loving her, which doesnt mean I won't be able to love someone else. even with that knowledge I only want to be with her, the mother of my child, the love of my life, my kitty, the best damn thing that has happened to me in my whole fucking life aside from my daughter.
She means too much
I love her too much
This will always be my downfall
I hope you all can find love, it is a wonderful, terrible, beautiful thing.
thanks for reading my sad blog post, with nothing more to add
-ComatoseVEVO signing out
Bro, take the time you need to move on. Cope, reflect, and focus more on other things for yourself. Give yourself some self-love, talk to people you know in real life, I mean I wish I can be there in person to embrace you but I live in the USA. I wish you the best and please heal yourself emotionally. I beg you.
5690602
thank you Sango, writing this blogpost actually helped a lot and I've been getting into Kundalini Maditation which carried me through the worst of it, rn I just have a stubborn desire, to get her back, yes stupid I know but I let all the pain go.
also thnx for the virtual hug, I've been needing some of those lately.
5690616
You’re welcome, old friend. Just remember to stay positive, think positive, and eventually continue doing the things you love. This girl will be hard to get over, but I assure you, that holding in your pain is not healthy.
5690617
I know I might get over her, but I have a nagging feeling this wont be the last time I end up loving too much, I always do, I give all my soul, all my love and hold nothing back, every relaionship I've had ended the same, I love too much, but I can't change who I am, I am a dog who always falls madly in love, I've always wondered why can't I just find someone who loves me the same way, is that too much to ask? I know I'm young but I think at last that young adults are mature enough to ask themselves life's biggest questions. Dunno I'm rambling I'll just go get shitfaced with some bro's and try to forget the pain, thank you for being here even if just to listen.