Peace in chaos · 10:46pm Sep 29th, 2022
I'm in a Carl's Jr hanging with my family.
An odd arrangement of words foresure and especially in a website about writing but, I feel like it's odd choices are needed in this mundane life.
So here I am, eating with my family. And it's, nice.
I've been so alone with my thoughts and cursing myself that I forgot that there were others here for me. That's so hard to remember for some odd reason and weirder is I know it's not healthy and yet I never saw it as a problem.
Isn't that weird? To be conscious of it yet get so used to it? Alone in the dark with no thoughts outside of your headspace.
I feel better though, seeing my siblings chatter and laugh and be silly, it brings warmth to my heart and replenishes my body and mind.
For once in a long time, I'm surrounded by a warm aura and good will. I've made a lot of improvements and I even said to myself I deserved better! That may not be big news to many but to me, I was never able to see I deserved good stuff. For once, I feel good about my self-worth, not completely, but well enough that I can do better.
Thank you all, you may not know me and vice versa but, you've all helped me. Thank you all.
Truly.
From the bottom of my heart.
P.S
Yes don't worry, I'll start working on pages very soon.
I feel it a lot too. It's about the small things! It's every little tiny snag. Every ounce of frustration and sadness you might feel. You swallow a part of them all until you're fit to burst. A bit inevitable in our human nature but it's all about growing past it.
There might be times you'll regress again, but hold those moments of levity in your heart and keep those words at the ready. "I deserve better". If nothing else, be spiteful at life for not doing better by you!
So good to know you've got a great family at your side. Even just watching them be, it can become a heartening feeling.
If you ever need a friend, I'm always available. Though I don't know if I can get away without sounding like I know better, which I don't! No one can know you like you do. All we want in life is to get as close to understanding someone else better to that degree. To get closer to being able to express ourselves free from the idea that it'll haunt you later. Like you're not walking on eggshells 100% of the time.
Anywho, Wishing the best for ya.
P.S. I am actually quite envious you have a Carl's Jr near you. All of the ones for miles and miles around me closed down. Really loved their ribwich.