My Review of Shrek the Third · 10:30pm May 5th, 2022
Rating Scale:
12/10—a complete masterpiece; flawless and outstanding
11/10—Excellent, near-perfect film
10/10—the standard rating; awesome film with a couple of flaws
9/10—a wonderful film with several flaws
8/10–a great film with numerous flaws but not enough to ruin it
7/10—a fun and entertaining movie; not great but still enjoyable
6/10—a slightly above average film; it is something I might watch again
5/10—mediocre movie; not awful but not great either
4/10—a below average film; it could have been much better
3/10—a bad film; poorly written and poorly executed
2/10—a very bad movie; the few good things in the movie overshadowed by the bad things
1/10—a terrible movie; a total waste of time
0/10—a worthless piece of abomination; should have never been made
Greetings, everyone. This is Mr. J back with another movie review for today. This afternoon, I will now be reviewing DreamWorks’ third installment of this series entitled: Shrek the Third. This movie sucks ass. There, that should be my one-sentence review right there. Enough said. What? You want more substantial reason than that? Fine. As I was saying, this movie is a massive step-down from the first two movies—especially from the previous movie which is considered by many as one of the best animated sequels of all time. So for Chris Miller to make this absolute downgrade of a sequel is insulting not just to this franchise but also to the intelligence of the Shrek fan base. Thankfully, I was never a fan of this movie ever since I first watched it years ago. Even after re-watching it recently, it is still hot garbage.
This movie is about Shrek failing to adjust to rulership after the death of Frog King Harold. So Shrek must find the other heir to the throne so that the former can live a happily ever after with Fiona. Meanwhile, Prince Charming seeks revenge against our heroes and persuades every villain to take over the kingdom for himself. Will Shrek and the gang stop him?
My answer is yes, but that didn’t stop Chris Miller from making and directing this trash heap. The entire premise and concept for this is absolutely unnecessary and does not develop the story of Shrek at all. It feels like something you would write in a fan fiction that no one would really want to ever read or care about.
I didn’t like how they added a lot of subplots that were either distracting from the main plot, were severely underdeveloped, or were there just for the sake of being there. This movie would have been a lot more interesting if it was about Shrek learning how to become a father, trying to raise his children the ogre way or in a human-fashioned way, and making sure he is there for his kids. That would have been a much better sequel than the one we got. We don’t need some stupid King Arthur shit going on.
The humor was completely atrocious and unfunny. It felt so forced. Speaking of which, the scenes that were meant to be funny felt unfunny to me, but the scenes that were meant to be taken seriously I actually laughed at. One primary scene in particular was King Harold’s death. The way he kept coughing and wheezing in the most hysterical way possible had me in stitches. I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t take that scene seriously with a straight face. It’s just as hilarious as Batman beating up Bane and asking him “WHERE’S THE TRIGGER?!!??”. So funny! 🤣
I also hated the fact that Prince Charming was the villain in this movie. I could hardly take him seriously as an antagonist and was even more of a pathetic momma’s boy than he was in the previous film. It would have been so much better to have a new villain to challenge our heroes, not some secondary one-note lackey whose only reason for existence is to be a royal pain in the ass. And his voice is obnoxious as well. No offense to his voice actor though.
The subplot involving Merlin acting like an idiot, and Donkey and Puss switching bodies in a Freaky Friday style were so unnecessary and were major distractions from the story. Not to mention that Shrek having nightmares of being a father went nowhere. What was the point of all that stuff? Seriously, what was the point of it all? This is such a boring, horrendous mess of a sequel in spite of good voice acting, solid 3D animation, and a decent soundtrack. This gets a 4/10. Shrek the Third? More like Shrek the Turd.
Peace.
Ironically, that’s the exact description I classify Sprout Cloverleaf as. A literal momma’s boy and pouty man-child whom I couldn’t take seriously as an antagonist at all, and who hardly developed or had any sense of growth throughout MLP: ANG.
That being said, I honestly thought Prince Charming was much more well-developed and fully-realized, especially compared to his previous appearance in the second film.
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I knew...I knew you were gonna comment on what I said about Charming. AMU, I’m afraid I’m starting to know you a little too well.
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Yikes.
My personal favorite moments of this film:
Reason why is because they're parallels to each other; Charming promised them what they thought they wanted while Artie appealed to their better nature and what actually needed. Bonus points is that both Charming and Artie are seen as losers and have had it rough.
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Something that would have been great if it weren’t overshadowed by the stupidity of the plot.