Be HONEST #2 · 4:13pm Aug 24th, 2021
Same as last time, I'd appreciate the feedback from everyone following me. Hopefully it's "lengthy" enough for y'all even though I'm not writing Lord of the Rings here, but whatevs.
The Irregular Incidents of Kyle & Lucy continues...
Chapter picks up right where the PROLOGUE ended.
CHAPTER 1 - Down by the River
"Sorry again, hon. Got a tad carried away there."
I shrugged Gram's apologies off as I pulled the kitchen knife out of my back and gave it a quick wash in the sink. Seeing all the splatters of jam and frosting oozing across the walls was starting to get to me.
"Nope," Gram stopped me. "You've worked long enough, sweetheart. All I need from you are some berries, that's all you can do for me right now. It's nice out, too."
I nodded as the stern pug continued her swift baking process. The fresh, unused towels resting beside the dish rack kept calling to me, I couldn't just leave with the kitchen like this. I thought, Maybe she wouldn't mind if I just–
SMACK! Gram popped me on the paw.
"Ah ah," she exclaimed. "No cleaning today."
It wouldn't hurt if I could wipe the—
SMACK! she wasn't having it. "Do you want me to invite our friend, Mr. Red Dot, over again?" Gram tapped her foot.
I crossed my arms and pouted. I did NOT like that guy, he's so rude!
"Don't worry, we got this taken care of. Right, Cliff?"
"Pffft."
This is Cliff, my pet rock.
*insert bio image of a derpy grey rock*
He doesn't exactly say much, or do much. Mostly sits around with his tongue out and just...being Cliff. We never see him move on his own, yet he always pops up in the weirdest places.
*insert image of Cliff sitting on a tub's faucet while a stunned Kyle is in the shower*
Anyways, I clipped a little pouch onto my hip as Gram waddled over and gave me a tiny lick on the cheek. "You're such a silly thing, young cub." she cooed, placing a ball of lettuce in my paw. "Be safe out there, and take Ahana."
"I will." I signed with a purr. I set the small batch of apples I had in my hoodie next to the cutting board, gave Gram a quick hug and headed out.
She was right though, it was quite nice out. Heck, it's never not nice out when you're in a town like this, at least in my opinion. The markets were never empty during the day, but it was never too crowded there either, so it was easier to stroll by and mingle whenever. The swinging music of Frank Cilantro frequently playing nicely at the senior center around our neighborhood every afternoon would get my tail tapping something fierce. I'm a sucker for the classics, but there was no time to bust a move.
Okay, maybe a little.
*insert image of Kyle dancing like a dork*
Eventually, I made it to a pick-up station down by the pier out in the wide, sunny beaches of Silver Shores. It's a chill place — cool waters, excellent views, great place for any vacation — but seagull security always kept a close eye on me whenever I came around. How was I supposed to know that dumping sugar in the ocean and using it to catch gummy fish was a bad thing? They're real, and I will find them!
I took a seat beside the station's sign and watched the skies for my ride. All those noisy cities with their giant loud steam punk-y horns on wheels and constantly blocked roads. They thought they had the coolest way of traveling.
We had Ahana.
*insert bio image of Ahana*
Ahana was the go-to butterfly caterpillar thing for the job at getting around, if you had the "nummy" for it. I held onto the sign while the giant green butterpillar made a gusty landing and released a couple of passengers among her many long, nubby legs. As I approached her, she opened her fluffy jaws and stuck her tongue out, a slightly damp map attached to the tip.
"Mmm?" she said with a high-pitched hum.
I pointed at a river on the far side of the map, tossing the ball of cabbage from my hoodie down the bug's mouth. "Mmm!" Ahana's purple antennas wiggled happily over her shiny black eyes, the bug leaning to open a leg for me. She strapped me in as she began her ascension, the massive length of those black and baby blue wings thrusting everyone into takeoff.
I was sure Rosewatch was beautiful to see from a bird's eye view, but when your eyes are closed the whole ride, you feel foolish. Making a gnarly twist above Java Row, Ahana craned her neck under her stomach to look my way. "Mmm?" she squeaked, watching me hold tight to the leg, the rapid patting of my heart beating against it.
"Mmm." my leg seat curled across my lap and pressed my back against her soft belly. Her warm fuzz balanced out the chilly breezes blowing through us all during the smug bug's extravagant acts of airtime. The intense speed and breeze, I felt lessened to a more convenient pace. I dared myself to open my eyes and found myself staring down the flower-patched heart of Orchid's Way at a safe enough height.
"Mmm?" Ahana said sweetly.
I nodded, turning to nuzzle my cheek against her fuzz. I told you she was cool. We finally arrived at my stop — Crystal Line River — where Ahana dropped me off on the grassy plains.
"Thank you." I tossed the bug a leftover apple saved in my hoodie as a tip.
"Mmm mmm!" she munched, fluttering her wings.
I pat her blushing cheek and she took to the skies, her crazy speed nearly knocking me into the tall grass. The calming rush of the shining, clear river helped lead me to a wide open field of leafy bushes and vines by the shore carrying all sorts of produce: sweet sprouts, pearicots, orangos, forget-me-nuts and, the ones I came for, berry straws.
*insert image of a straw-shaped berry*
Let me tell you, these things are delicious. Imagine a long raspberry that you can drink the juice from as you're eating it; it's like those tart powdered sugar sticks, but the entire thing is actually good for you. It was only a matter of time before I started slurping straw after straw between every third one I picked off the prickly bush and stuffed in my pouch. The sparkling crystals lining up the shallow ends of the curvy river kept everything there fresh, healthy and growing.
Halfway through plucking, one berry popped off its stem and stumbled at the edge of the grass near the water. As I grabbed it, it suddenly felt a little too heavy for a piece of fruit and lifted it to the surface.
Ultimately, I realized that it was anything but a berry.
*insert image of Kyle casually looking at an unconscious unidentifiable creature laying in the river*
"Hello there." I stopped. Either someone went for a swim and wiped out, or that was the strangest fruit I've ever seen. I got down to get a closer look; it was a girl.
Looked about my age. She was as pale as a ghost and wrapped up in this drenched black dress, all with these huge brown horns poking out through her pink hair and black bat-like wings drooped flat against her back. The side of her body slowly rose and fell as I leaned over to tap her shoulder. Her wing twitched once or twice, but outside of that, she barely reacted. As yucky to the touch as she felt, I had to help. I carefully pulled her from the river's hold and scooped her out of the water into my arms, earning what sounded like a faint, "Ow". The way her face tightened as I moved her made it clear to me that she was in a great deal of pain.
I needed to see Gram. Now. She always knew what to do...
Ooh! Nice introduction to what I assume is Lucy! And Ahana sounds like the cat bus in My Neighbor Totoro which just makes me happy inside
First off, Ahana is an absolute cutie!
Secondly, I found a little mistake: "I was sure Rosewatch was beautiful to see from a bird's eye view, but when
you'reyour eyes are closed the whole ride"I hope you don't mind me proof-reading a little. ^^
And finally, it's a lovely little story so far! The worldbuilding's nice and the introduction to the new character's lovely as well. Mysterious!
Congrats on making that pun subtle enough to make me do a double take.👌
Verry nice, keep on going
This is a straight up work of art. I can imagine so many different ways this can go.
My favorite road that my imagination took is that everything is strange because it’s not real. And that it’s all a simulation by the people responsible for the stamp on Kyle’s back, using Cliff as a a camera. And Lucy isn’t supposed to be there, so the final twist is that Kyle has to find out that everything he loved and took for granted isn’t real, and the only friend he has now is Satan’s daughter. But then again, this is a kid’s book.
Ooh a new character I can see a really good friendship blooming the story is really picking up now I can imagine the rest of it apart from that everything's good thank you for making part of the story I would love to see more of this which I'm going to go to right now thank you for making this :,-)
Omigosh! Gram is 100% my mom, I was smiling up a storm during this. Nothing dorky about enjoying music found on the streets, I addmit I sway my hips to the beat when I find them. This chapter was near perfect, descriptions were lovely, characters were so unique and colorful, and the world feels alive!
Bravo!
P.S. Berry Straws sound so delicious too.
There's some steady progression in the story itself, really well done.
There are a lot of little things I love about this chapter; from both Cliff and Ahana's introductions, the latter seeming incredibly sweet, to the interactions with Gran and how they are both funny, and I've found them tender as well.
All with some great writing, just like the previous part! The last introduction also keeps one wanting to read "just a bit more".
It's a rather colorful little story. But the vibrancy is something that helps bring this fantasy world to life, I'm enjoying myself in this quaint little town, if I'm completely honest. The characters are absolutely likeable and the picture you've painted thus far is nothing short of delightful.
Thank you, for letting me read.
I so far adore the set up you've got going for these characters, the settings, the way things work, it all flows quite nicely with all the quirks our main character has in his writing style! I think so far this is going quite swimmingly and I'm definitely interested in the story! A thing I forgot to mention in my comment on the last chapter is that while it is valid to have criticisms, the reason I went back on mine is because you mentioned this is supposed to be a kid's novel. I don't think a kid's novel should be held to the same standards as adult novels and I feel like so far this set up is, at least imo, perfect for children's literature. Not too long or too short, quirky and grabs your attention, characters that are detailed enough to remember but not to detract from the story's style. I think you're doing very well on this
Man those berry straws sound delicious.
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They do dude. I could go for a few right now.