Pain and Loss

I said in my latest fic that the woman I love, her dad died. That really killed my ability to write.

Now I've learned she's been dating someone for 4-6 months. We had something we could have grown beyond friendship but now she's saying she's only ever seen me as a friend. When we discussed it before, there was the potential for more, but now she's denying that. I'm honestly left feeling dead and empty. I don't know if I'll ever have the ability to write anything again. Certainly, I know I will probably never love again.

I don't need people telling me that there will be someone else. Believe me when I say that if there was someone else, within the 7 Billion people in the world, I would know about it. Because I know me and I know how hard it is for anyone to love me. All I've ever had is a few friends who put up with me. At 35 I've seen it all, I've learned that my life of love is over.