I felt so bad

So I've been having some issues with one of the new managers at work recently. I won't go into details cuz it's a lot and I don't feel like typing it all out.

Anyway, today the Store manager and HR rep pulled me into the office and asked me what was going on between me and the manager. Asking what had happened between me and her. I was a little shocked and didn't think about what to say before I said it. so I said,

"Which day are we talking about?"

I covered my mouth so fast and felt so terrible. My boss though is a pretty chill guy like... really chill. (PS i found out the other day that he doesn't like this new manager much either) But he burst out laughing and so did the HR girl. I was so embraced and just kinda stood there until I found my words to even speak. I told them that she just reminded me to much of my Ex store manager from Walmart.

PSA Break!!! Walmart is not a company. It is a name that has several buildings across the United States and the world for that matter. They are simply people they put in a position of power and allow them to emotionally abuse their workers to the point of many (disturbing content) committing suicide. (that's actually happened at the store I worked at... twice). And if the emotional abuse isn't enough for you then the excruciating physical pain of working there is enough to make someone's life a literal living, breathing hell. Don't ever work for Walmart if you value your mental stability and health. And physical health for that matter. (Because of that job I have nerve damage in my feet to the point I can no longer feel pain in them at all. I only ever know if I've been on my feet too long if the heat from what should be pain is rushing up my legs and making me feel hot. And even then, I'm usually always hot because I've always got hot very quickly.)

anyway back on track. I told them she reminded me of my ex Walmart store manager and that, that gave me anxiety and made me jump into fight or flight mode. Which ended up being my brains' fight mode to protect its mental stability and causes me to retaliate. But not in a verbal way. it's hard to explain it all. But basically, I honestly have nothing against this woman She is actually very sweet and nice, she just presents the air of a Walmart store manager and that made my brain kick into survival mode.

I've never liked being yelled at cuz it always made me cry, even as a 20-year-old adult it still makes me cry. So the fear of being yelled at like I was at Walmart was still abundantly there and my brains' attempt at survival was weak and poor. (PS I don't want to toot my own horn because the SM of the job I'm working at now has even told me that they really really like me. That is always keeping busy and on task and on my feet and never lazy.... I told them that I'm like that today because if I wasn't doing something or was caught not doing something for even a second at Walmart, I was yelled at. So that trauma is still very much there and It will probably be there for the rest of my life.)

UGH this was supposed to be a funny blog and now its just depressing im f&%$#*@ rambling again.

ANYWAY! after I embraced myself with the "What day are we talking about?", I embraced myself again by literally spilling hot water (not scolding sink water hot) on said woman ON ACCIDENT while I was trying to do some extra cleaning around the counter/ register space. I was mortified and apologized so many times and she had to keep telling me it was ok and that she knew it was an accident and didn't even yell at me. I was so relieved and cried because that was embarrassing but now I'm laughing at it lol.