Random Shorts Thoughts · 3:30am Mar 4th, 2021

Yeah today was just not good for me. I'm not gonna go into detail as to why, frankly I don't want to throw my problems out in the open cause they're practically nothing.

So I decided to just write something down to get my thoughts down on some random shorts. Now when I say shorts, I don't mean as in one-shot shorts. This time I meant film shorts. Specifically, those old school ones. In the early/older days of film, people made short films, and many of the ones I saw were pretty fun. Stuff like stop-motion shorts, cartoons, you know.

These... are nothing like them. This is gonna be delving into some of the more 'educational' shorts. Specifically... the bad ones. The ones that are so stupid that the great people of MST3K would mock and riff the hell outta 'em just to make them tolerable. But these ones I've watched are ones that appeared on Incognito Cinema Warriors, the should-be sister show to MST3K. And ooooh boy, Rikk and the bots picked some juicy shorts.

The Great American Chocolate Factory

Okay, admittedly I don't think there's anything that inherently bad with this one. I mean it's got some educational value, and free advertising for Hershey Park which I seriously wanna go to (hell, my family's worked there before), but this short is just... dull. I don't know what it is, it was just very dull. I mean when you see the chocolate being finalized, ohhhh that's making me hella hungry. But still though for the most part it's just very... boring. I don't have any other words, maybe it's the narrator, maybe it's the lack of energy from the people involved in the short, but it is just not that great.

Soapy The Germ Fighter

OH SWEET JESUS, NO. How do you do this? How do you turn a simple premise of teaching someone to stay clean into something so terrifying? Okay, so this short is from 1951, and it follows a pre-teen boy who thinks that being clean is a sissy. I'd like to remind you all that in the 50s, it was okay (not really) to say that. But then he gets a visit from the most horrifying visitor to teach him about being clean... Soapy. An adult man, hidden in a giant bar of soap... who's not wearing pants... and in the beginning of his education he tells him to close his eyes and lay down.

THAT IS TEN LEVELS OF WRONG.

Who... okay, I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, I'm sure they didn't intend to make it come across as... well this, but... I mean, what? Good god, Avis Films! These are the same people who gave us Posture Pals, by the way. Also maybe I'm wrong, but wouldn't you kinda stink if you only showered once a week?

Safety Woman

Okay, I'll be honest, this one... I just had an absolute blast. This is so stupid, it was hilarious. Once again, good intentions behind it. Teaching people to be safe when they're doing outdoor activities. But good god, Safety Woman looks so ridiculous! She has a garbage can lid for a shield, and she looks like she's attempting to cosplay but just gave up half-way!

What else can I really say here? This is gloriously stupid! I definitely recommend seeing this one for the sheer absurdity.

Linda's Film On Menstruation

.... yeah, okay, I'm not touching this one with a yardstick. I mean again, good intentions, but again not so solid execution. I'm not even gonna try to find the actual short on YouTube. Though I think Topsy said it best.

"The Guiness people called honey. They wanted to give you an award for TMI."

The story's absurd, the acting's crap, what more do I need to say? This is just... ugh.

Admittedly that's all I got for tonight. I just wanted to make something, show ya'll I'm not dead. I'm still making progress on current projects, I'm just movin' a wee bit slow. And to hopefully clean the disturbing shorts out (if you are brave enough to watch) perhaps some fluffy Eevees making adorable noises will help. :3