My Review of The Black Cauldron · 9:54pm Feb 1st, 2021
Rating Scale:
12/10—a complete masterpiece; flawless and outstanding
11/10—Excellent, near-perfect film
10/10—the standard rating; awesome film with a couple of flaws
9/10—a wonderful film with several flaws
8/10–a great film with numerous flaws but not enough to ruin it
7/10—a fun and entertaining movie; not great but still enjoyable
6/10—a slightly above average film; it is something I might watch again
5/10—mediocre movie; not awful but not great either
4/10—a below average film; it could have been much better
3/10—a bad film; poorly written and poorly executed
2/10—a very bad movie; the few good things in the movie overshadowed by the bad things
1/10—a terrible movie; a total waste of time
0/10—a worthless piece of abomination; should have never been made
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Hey, guys. Here is my review of Disney’s The Black Cauldron. I never thought that I would review this movie this sooner, but I just really wanted to get this off my chest. So anywho, what happens when you try so hard to stray from a rated R Disney film and make it into a PG Disney movie instead? You get this... dumpster fire as a result. I’m not saying an R-rated film would make it any better since I normally despise R-rated movies. But it’s not just any PG Disney film; it is a PG movie filled with flat characters, a boring and poorly written script, and weak animation. The fact that it was released in 1985 doesn’t automatically make it an excuse. Because of how stupid this movie is, I never watched it ever again after having watched it only once.
I’m not even kidding. Only once have I watched this worthless piece of insipid abomination. Let’s briefly talk about the main character, shall we? This boy—not once does he give any reason why I should care or sympathize with him. He claims to be some sort of... warrior or some shit? The chemistry between him and that so-called princess is non-existent, and there is barely any character development between them both as well. In fact, how exactly is she a princess? If my memory serves, I don’t recall her acting anything like royalty or belonging to an actual kingdom. Cardboard characters are the most uninteresting characters ever; in fact, they are barely characters at all if there is no emotion and no character development whatsoever.
The story just falls flat on the ground with no promising potential to make up for it. A seemingly powerful, black cauldron must be found before this Horned King finds it first. Okay.... what else? That’s it? Nothing else to say about this titular plot device? Okay... then.
You guys are thinking about my thoughts on the main villain, aren’t you? You are all thinking, “Mr. J will at least praise the hell outta the Horned King! I’m sure he’ll love this guy!”
Awww, you really do, huh? You really think so? Well... here is my anticipated answer!! 😃
The Horned King is one of the most amazingly boring villains I’ve ever watched. Yes, the late John Hurt gave a very good voice performance as the villain, but his character is just... not interesting or written well enough. Instead, he’s just a “scary” bad guy whom all the gods supposedly fear just... because of his “mighty” power and that’s it. However, his death scene was extremely epic and worth rewatching. If a guy like me only likes a villain for his death scene and not for the character or personality, that’s not a good sign.
Have I already mentioned that the animation aged so poorly? Have I also mentioned that the other supporting characters such as that little furry annoying creature were unbearable to watch? I truly wanted to enjoy this film, but I seriously couldn’t. There is not one good thing about this disasterpiece aside from the Horned King’s awesome demise. It gets a 0/10.
If you love this movie to death, well... I apologize for this review lol. Not
I think this is one of those rare Disney animated movies that could really benefit from a live-action remake.
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I KNEW someone would mention that.