Birthday? · 4:05am Jul 15th, 2020
I'm going to preface this with something obvious.
Nobody really cares, I know it, you know it, the spider on your wall knows it, so you don't need to pretend like you do. So you can move on with your life.
It was my birthday today. And, honestly, it was a bit depressing. I treated it like any normal day at work, I'm not one to bring it up, I really don't want to seem like some self-centered person who only cares about themselves. Nobody said anything, but I got a muffin and donut, so maybe they remembered subconsciously or didn't want to say anything and maybe be wrong. During the day it was fine and good, so why can't I help but feel depressed looking back on it?
After work my family got me wingers, and I had way too much to eat, and my sister made me a lemon cake. Though I can't eat it because I'm way too full.
Looking back on it, objectively it was a good day. So why do I feel so horrible about it.
That's a rhetorical question, and I hate that I know the answer, but can't bring myself to do anything about it.
Always screaming at myself to tell them what I really want, but not being able to out of fear.
I don't even know why I'm writing this any more, but I feel driven to at least see something driven to completion today.
I see the path, and I have been shown the door by the Oracle, but I don't know if I can walk it. Not alone.
I pray to the goddess Karma, bring unto those who harm those they've sworn to protect retrobution sevenfold. May thine judgement be swift and honest.
I don't know why I wrote this post, probably best to just ignore it.
I'm just gonna leave this here:
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Aww, thanks man. I wish I looked at this sooner.