I'm so awesome. Basically, my day can be summed up by this following manual meme.

Gets 0 on one partial exercise

Convinces assistant of own solution!

Well, that, and continuing an ascetic lifestyle for no very good reason and discovering the first question that I honestly can't find an answer to. Which is 'Why don't I talk to her?', though I can equalise that by asking, 'Why should I?'. I've noticed that I ask myself that question a lot recently, like when wondering if I should masturbate for the sixth time that day. It's easier to answer then, though.

On that note, here's (the) End of her days.

Liked that transition? I know you did. Hooray for masturbation jokes! Because I can! Which is also the answer to most instances of that question!

I'm in a good mood, m'kay? Probably better than it should be. Perhaps fate isn't quite as sealed as it seems, though, if we substitute Noon with believing in the prophecy, then it once again fits, creating a loop about five levels down! Classical false sentence, this. Anyhow, I ventured into the open of front page from my cozy little cave and spotted this. "Well, yet another coma sadfic," I thought. "It's not Twicoma, though, so it might just be worth reading, Hahaaa, just kidding, I'm gonna bash the living shit out of this fic. It even explicitly asks for it!"
And lo was it so. At least I assume I will, I've barely read it yet. I should stop reviewing fics in real time.

...

Okay, I'm back. I was quite disappointed with this fic, I have to admit. Just why do I have to keep pulling fics that are 'not actually quite half bad' when I'm trying to just do my job in saying 2000 ugly words about a fic, substituting wit with excessive fucking swearing, and then going back to mastur- I mean, writing myself, of course. And it does say something about the fic if it managed to convince me to that opinion despite being Yet Another Fucking Sadfic which can be, and actually is, accurately summed up in the synopsis. You see, doing one of the things I loathe most right before even a single story word is spoken doesn't usually give me a good first impression of the fic. It's the same as doing r63 and human-in-pony fics which, funnily enough, the author has already done, both, in a single story. So why am I not insulting the fuck out of him by this point?

Because the fic actually redeems itself pretty much from the start. You see, I've come to find that you either entrance the reader in the first 300-500 words by creating the proper situation and a mystery that needs further reading to be resolved (refer to this random example) or you don't keep them at all. He seems to understand that and thus throws us into a situation where Dash runs into the hospital and right to the room of Scootaloo who is lying in a coma because that's what they always do. She sits down on the bedside and sobs about the past. You know, just like in the synopsis!

She flashes back to that time when she took Scootaloo flying and overestimated her growing skill - wait a minute, where did that come from? You're just gonna imply Scootaloo can fly and that's it? Wouldn't that be, I don't know, a point that would be damn worth mentioning, like, at the beginning of the sequence to show exactly why she's so slow and all?

Flash back into reality, guilt assignment, being told that it's not her fault, bladeebladeebla. Funnily enough, the Doctor is always capitalised, but never named, so I'm taking the liberty of assuming that it's Doctor Awesome, my alter ego for stabbing people in the face. You know, that really would make for a fun fic, if it werent HiE spladder. Doctor Awesome stabs and punches face, sometimes after one another in either order, what do you expect him to do in Equestria? Anyway, he then tells her it's not her fault as they always do, but actually, Doc, you could work it out as a case of killing if you wanted to. Not that anybody would care about poor orphan Scootaloo, anyway. Ugh, what an overused cliché, like, who subscribes to that?

Around this point, the tentacle started to deploy its eggs (it dawned on me) how many tiny grammatical errors there are in here. It's really sneakily, missing commas and such, but he who expects the feels to blind me from his mistakes might as well go saddle Scootaloo for the same effect. No, I don't know what I meant to do with that analogy either, sorry. What's more obnoxious however is how often names get repeated where it is not necessary. Actually, just during Scoots' death fall, he uses some shes, only to fail miserably by putting it at the one point where it confuses between characters.

Oh yeah, obviously the chicken gets blown off of the edge of the cloud, no wait, she manages to grasp it, wait, she manages to get to the edge of the cloud only to fall to her death? Fucking decide on something! Obviously, Dash jumps off the cloud to catch her while watching her little body jump off of a rock sticking out of a nearby cliff because why the fuck not. You know, clouds start to form about one kilometer above the ground (everything below is nothing more than fog!) and it seems like she's falling into a gorge. Even in FiM's universe, I don't accept anything below a few hundred meters for cloud height. A fall of ten meters can be lethal on even ground if you don't land it right, and injuring if you don't. From such a height, I'd say she'd probably rather do a Happy Tree Friends, but anyway. Surprisingly, this does NOT culminate into Dash sacrificing herself for the filly, like, you know, every single other Scootaloo-falls-but-Rainbow-Dash-catches-her fic out there. Only into a random sonic rainboom for no reason. I see why you'd want to do that and it's not quite as pointless as certain other fics' (Touch only with loooong tweezers), but as a natural science student, I'm obliged to tell you that that's physically bullshit.

Look at it this way, Rainbow can only barely achieve it in straight flight with all of her might (There was no Mary Sue OC wedding, shut up!), how likely is it to happen when she's flying at least slightly upwards with a filly in her arms?

Back in reality... oh, what am I fucking around for, she dies and Rainbow suicides over it. What a big surprise. Did you know that I'd make for a great nurse due to my, well, talents? (I guess that's why my girly alter ego became one) No, seriously, one trait that medical personnel must have is to tell patients their diagnosis without any emotional fucks given, LOOK IT UP! But honestly, at this point, I'm just nitpicking, aren't I. That's just because I love this fic so much I want to get all bad out of the way to then praise it for what it does nicely. Or somehow like that is how my mom would phrase it.

Wait a second, is that a gif? Within a fic? Sir, you go back there and put the same effect into words. Pronto!

So let's start giving credit where deserved.

- Dash's final depression is described briefly, but rather accurately (Don't ask me how I know how that feels, please.)

- It's fairly well paced

- If I could have emotions, I feel like I might have

- Description doesn't entirely suck like in 99.9999999999999999999999999999998999999% of all fics

- DOCTOR AWESOME

And because I'm lazy, here are some of the major drawbacks again.

- Punctuation. Just punctuation. Please.

- Most sentences are overly described to the point of being too complex. THAT'S MY THING!

- Names repeat too often

- Gif. I appreciate creative media use, but that is overkill.

- Where the FUCK did you get Doctor Awesome?

Overall, while this review may sound fairly negative, let me assure you that it isn't. This fic is just suffering from the new author syndrome, which is neither bad nor uncurable. He's got the right approach despite being young and untrained (though I'm a mere year older and completely self-taught in everything from English to Writing).

Hell, since the Monochrome guy seems to have quit the metier, I might even pick this dude up and show him a few experience points I've made. Maybe pre-read his stuph (or at least redirect it to my trusted workhorse) if he PMs a link to an unsubmitted fic towards me without expecting rapid answer on a time when it's night in Europe and/or Monday or Tuesday. Not that he'd need it of course, since he's already got 11 watchers (though one of them is a mute gif-posting watch-for-watcher). I just hope he realises most of this is due to his story not getting bumped off of the front page in the usual time and won't let it get to his head. Why am I so direct with everything, you ask? It's like I'm being lazy, yeah. You see-

Interruption!

Is currently counting seven times today and not planning to stop
Passion 'Toraka' Fire

I had emotions once. It was awful. It led to Aus. Do you want that to happen again?

Another person, another victim to confuse about my vagina? Mhh... yes *giggle*