SSR: Prism Pie

Rule of... well, me, because I formulated it myself and still can't find any proof that anybody else did before me: To find the meaning of a piece, present it to an imbecile who knows only what the words mean, who cannot construct a greater meaning than that if he tried. That is its truth. Beyond that, beyond what is clearly written into the text, all meaning is fictional, outside of the creator's vision.

Think a bit about it. It applies to everything you have ever been made to squeeze meaning into.

You may now go and slap your English teacher.

This does not lead where you expect. Or perhaps it will.

I know, I was supposed to have transcended this plane of being by now. But then my attention was brought to this little story, by its author's request actually. It's not the first time that people have been overly appreciative of my torture, which I find amusing. Might hint towards my amazing awesomeness, or a little tick within them all.

So along comes this story, depicting Pinkie Pie as extremely socially anxious with several different attention disorders. I was amazed to find that was actually the point of the story, though it might actually be a true self that no one wants to be real more than an alternate one. It is well portrayed though, bringing causes to reactions in logical and consistent ways. From depressing personal experience, it seems, but nevertheless a way to bring understanding to those without it.

I will admit, this mindset, much less its severity, is one that I never worked with. Perhaps I feared what it would do to the coherence of the story. I will admit that I have hatred towards both present tense and first person because they are tools towards another story than most people are trying to write. Funny to say, it works exactly for this one, a diary of a mind unsettled. Such racing thoughts certainly hurt coherence, but not to unusability. To that end, though, it could use work on other fronts.

For one, consistent spacing between lines, that is to say, putting all of one character's dialogue on the same paragraph until the next speaks, which then to show in another, double spaced, indented paragraph. And then proper punctuation and capitalisation during dialogue in particular. There is a great writing guide on this very site under FAQ for learning such things.

Ultimately, the thing the story is lacking is purpose. An end goal. And character progression towards that. The episodes themselves are a story already told, so this story is left without any real substance. If the story is already known, and no one changes, why would one bother with this one?

This one might.