Bad Book Review 06.5 (The Guardian, Chapter 07 full scene direct quote)

No new chapter today. Doing something a little different.

In the comments of my last review post, Pyrotechnic asked a question:

Is it honestly that fast paced and full of whiplash or is that just your summery?

I didn't notice any, but it wouldn't surprise. As such, I'm not sure. So instead of trying to answer directly, I thought I would just post the entirety of the scene directly.

Lupe was giggling like a schoolgirl on the couch. She was very drunk and becoming very merry.

She began babbling about Sal and the things she remembered about him. Gabriel, sitting beside her, smiled as she talked. She laughed and cried at the same time.

"Then---then he said---after we're married, I'll take you to the fanciest restaurant in town--and then get this--he said someday---someday I'll even take you inside!" Lupe laughed despite the tears that streamed down her cheeks.

Gabriel laughed a bit and shook his head in acknowledgement that her story was quite funny. Lupe wiped the tears off with her hand and took a deep breath.

She looked at Gabriel. He was looking at her tenderly, seductively. Lupe began to feel uncomfortable. Her heart started to beat rapidly.

She lifted the bottle of vodka to her lips but found it empty. She closed her eyes and took another deep breath. She stood up.

"I gotta go get another drink."

Gabriel followed her into the kitchen. She rummaged through the cupboards for another bottle.

Gabriel came up to her and put his hands on her shoulders. He started to whisper softly, seductively into her ear.

"You need me."

Lupe put a bottle of gin she had found on the kitchen counter and stared off into space, as if she was hypnotized by his voice. She started to run her hands gently, seductively, up and down the neck of the bottle she was holding. Gabriel continued to whisper in her ear.

"I can make the hurt go away. I can save you from pain."

Lupe's eyes had a faraway look. Gabriel ran his hands up and down her arms.

"Do you believe in guardian angels?" He whispered.

Lupe nodded slowly.

"Do you believe they can touch you....feel you....hold you..." Gabriel began kissing her neck tenderly.

Lupe closed her eyes as Gabriel put his arms around her. Then he took her hands and slowly reached for the butcher knife.

"Sal wore a crucifix for protection, didn't he? It made him feel invincible, didn't it? It led him to a better place...." He continued.

Gabriel wrapped Lupe's fingers delicately around the butcher knife's handle. Lupe's breathing became heavier.

"You want to be in a better place too, don't you? You want to be with him, don't you?" Gabriel continued to whisper.

Gabriel's hands guided Lupe's as the knife was raised directly over Lupe's stomach.

"Let me help you. Let me guide you.......Let me free you..."

Gabriel released Lupe's hands. Her arms were extended with the knife suspended in mid-air.

"Let me free you......but you have to help me." He commanded.

The knife hung over Lupe's stomach in what seems like forever as Gabriel slowly backed away from her.

The knife plunged into Lupe's stomach as she let out a blood-curdling scream.

There it is. The entirety of the scene, as it occurs, from page break to end of the chapter. You can now read it for yourself as it happens, which means you can decide for yourself if the scene does in fact have mood whiplash, or if it was my attempt at summarization. Although, either way, please let me know. I'm kind of curious about it myself.

Next time, we'll move on to the next chapter.

Until then, have a good day.

Ink Hoof.

Comments

[Pyrotechnic]

Again my problems of assuming my words will be understood when I myself knew what I mean strikes again. When I said whiplash, I mean fast faced and jarringly quick! So quick and jarring it causes "whiplash" as the reader struggles to comprehend exactly what is happening.

Now that I look, it has that in spades as it seems to be fast paced. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I have to stop assuming things are just automatically clear to other people! Look forward to more!

Another thing is I myself could also not know what whiplash means and used the wrong definition! That could also be a thing!