''It's better to burn out than to fade away''

It's Better to Burn Out than to Fade Away
By FireRain

Applause sounds more like a disease the more I hear it,
Claps of thunder and appraisal scream as they cheer and chant my name.
That is the price of fame: recognition.
It comes in the form of a storm and it shakes the world around you like the wind blows a leaf.
Shock caused me to stand stock-still when it first happened, sometimes even now.
Fans, both young and old, learn and feel like they belong.
We are family when we are together, brought together by the music.
When we are at home, we feel abandoned and lonely,
When we are outside, we feel an empty space to spill,
When we are all under the same roof, we don't care about the world around us because the night is ours.
We dance,
We drink,
We party,
We are wild,
We are young.
We are all misunderstood in our own ways.
Some of us are darker and others are lighter, but it doesn't matter what shows on the outside.
Different groups, many pools and crystals of youth - We are all human.
Music beats and tears through the air like seismic waves, causing ear drums to scream and sing along,
Voices of all ages join in, louder than explosions and stronger than a punch to the jaw.
Guitar in my lap and friends by my side, I used to feel complete, like it was right and natural.
However, I was too weak to see it for what it truly was.
A hurt that is broken and voiced by words and music can only do so much before it becomes silent again.
It is better to burn out than to fade away in the midst of the storm.
I wish I knew that before I lived this life.
How was I to know?
I can only stand and stare now.
It's so cold outside and inside, like an infection.
I can look on and gawk at the sadness around me as I ponder why their tears leak freely,
Like they are missing a part that once made them whole and that made them feel like they belonged.
I look up to see where they look as they hold their candles and weep.
My face, painted by the hands of fans, friends and family, hangs.
Everyone - women, children, men, fathers, mothers, sons, sisters, aunts and uncles - they all cry together, sobbing and mourning for their inner voice and inspiration.
I can only watch and feel the world around me as it grew colder.
Little did I know about myself, the more I felt like an alien.
These people were my family that I had left behind because I was blind and stupid.
I sat in the middle of the crowd, hands on my knees and my shoulders slumped, staring at the faces all around me.
''We'll miss you!''
''Why?''
''Don't leave us!''
These, to name a few, were some of the words that were spoken, and it hit with the force of a shotgun blast to the chest.
Never have I felt so numb and dumb,
So stupid and so idiotic,
Yet, these people praise and continue to mourn through their tears and call me their hero and their light at the end of the tunnel.
I had a place here, a spot to hold my name on and be heard.
It was replaced by a weeping angel, the one that I became.
I sat with my family for once last time before I joined in and cried with them.

- DJR / FireRain

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With love, from England,

- FireRain 💛