She Brings the Butterflies Completed. Thoughts?

Eeyup. The story's done with. Don't read this if you haven't finished it, sillies. It was a short romp, and I can't say I'm entirely happy with the results, but most of them stem from the source material just not being suited for prose. The song itself has a coherent plot, yes, but it's very interpretive.

I thought the events of "Tortured by the Plague" were a bit excessive, but they came from the fact that that's exactly what happens in the song, except the narrator does not have any friends but the female lead, so it's not as powerful.

I chose Pinkie Pie sort of arbitrarily as a narrator. I didn't want to use Twilight because I wanted to change it up from my other (better) story. I thought, well, who would have a reason to be looking for her initially, and who, other than Twilight, would rally the rest of them in a panic? My second thought was Rainbow Dash, being the Element of Loyalty and all, but I think Pinkie wears the hopelessness and dejection better. I do think it's relatively in-character, since she values the togetherness of her friends so much, but I took quite a few liberties (mostly with the suicidal thoughts. I really doubt she'd think that way, even in her situation).

What I liked about the story was the stuff that wasn't in the song, mostly the discussion of hope and what it does to someone when there's nothing else. The idea that hope is painful and it chains someone to a task or keeps someone gripped to something that is lost I find rather beautiful.

As for what it's based on, "Plague of Butterflies" by Swallow the Sun:
You can find the song here if you are interested. It's doom metal, if you didn't know.
The lyrics are here.
The interpretation of the plot of the song that the story was roughly based on is here.

The idea came from a joke, originally. The idea was to make a mashup video of Fluttershy and that song. I decided to write the story instead, because apparently I can't write happy things. I wrote it pretty much in one sitting.

I hope you don't mind my rambling. I just kind of wanted to get some thoughts out there.

Thanks for reading!

-WB