Whazzup guys. I hope your day's been absolutely brilliant. As for me, it's been alright, except for this one thing. I got a reply from Equestria Daily (finally) about my story. And unfortunately, things weren't looking up for me this time. That's right. I got rejected. Can't say I'm surprised though; they only reserve that place for the best of the best!

Here's the message,in case anyone wants to read it:

Dear Author:

I'm Pre-reader 23, and I'll be reviewing your story today.

I am, at present, unable to recommend your story for posting to EqD. Please edit and review with eyes towards the following issues:

1) Flat writing. The first several paragraphs are all reading like stereo instructions. Rather than taking the opportunity to elaborate on what is going on, it comes across as flat and pedantic: "First this. Then this. That happened. Pony did this, and saw that." You need to flesh it out a bit. You've clearly got a good idea what is going on, but you have to make us see it too.

2) The 'initial' purge. This implies that there was, or will be, more than one. What was this purge? Rather than explaining, you move on with your narrative. You've got to let us know what happened, too.

The crystal mare turned into a ruined house, half of which had been reduced to rubble from the initial purge.

3) In this case, you're using 'princess of the sun' like an official title, especially when coupled with capitalizing Royal Guards. In this case, you need to capitalize it. "Princess of the Sun".

The princess of the sun had been suddenly awoken by one of her Royal Guards,

4) It seems odd that they'd not tell her what was going on, and that she'd have to fight for information from her loyal subjects. Moreover, why WOULD they be afraid to wake her up during an emergency? Isn't that why the Guard are there?

5) This is a bit OOC for Celestia, a ruler who has proven time and again she'll sacrifice sleep and whatever else she needs for her ponies. That's comparatively minor however... I can really let it slide. There's a grammar issue, though... or perhaps a phrasing one. 'But Celestia could just sense' is awkward. 'However' followed by a comma instead of 'but' would work a lot better.

Part of her wanted to get back to bed and let Luna sort this one out. After all, it was her shift. But Celestia could just sense something was off, so she willed herself to start walking to her throne room.

6) Cadance waking them up for advice on decorations? Really? She's a ruler of a kingdom, and she does that? That sorta flies in the face of what little we know about Cadance.

Rubbing her eyes, Princess Celestia said tiredly, “Cadance, what do you want? You’re not waking me up in the middle of the night for some décor advice again, are you?”

7) Her kingdom is in disarray, and conquered... and she can play games with her relatives? That seems far and away too detached. This isn't a comedy, Author... Cadance would be absolutely terrified, and NOT able to do as she did.

To this, Cadance gave a sly, all-knowing smile.

These seven things were from the Prologue... I'll look now into the First Chapter.

8) Awkward phrasing. You need to re-do the transition, as this reads very poorly. Perhaps eliminate the period after 'activity' and replace it with an ellipsis, followed by a lower-case 'That'. It'd be even better, though, if you just re-wrote it.

Ponyville Elementary was absolutely bristling with activity. That is, if “bristling with activity” meant boredom so terrible a pony would rather stick needles in their face than bear through it.

9) Comma neglect. You need one after 'No'. Cheerilee has just said 'No snails', meaning 'there are no snails'. By adding the comma, you're literally changing the meaning to what you WANT it to be.

“No Snails. Leaves are not green because they’re jealous,

10) Numerics. Spell them out. It's forty two, not 42. Also, 'assignment' would not be capitalized.

“Don’t forget to do Assignment 42 in your workbooks!”

Author, I'll be blunt. You've submitted a large body of work and there are a heck of a lot of issues to be found in it. It's going to require a LOT of work to get it into shape for posting. I STRONGLY suggest you go over to Ponychan and ask for a full review. These errors are the ones I've found, and are not necessarily all inclusive. There may be more... and I strongly suspect there are.

He ain't wrong, you know. Granted, he could have been a little nicer about it, but he isn't wrong. I think my biggest mistake is trying to make a comedy out of a dark topic. There are times to joke around, and times to be serious. I suppose this story is one that should lean towards the latter.

But the real reason I'm making this blog post is tell you guys this. This pre-reader could only take a look at the first part of my story. But you, my loyal readers, can check out EVERYTHING. And so I ask you, I PLEAD for you all to read over my stuff. If anything sounds awkward, if I'm too comedic or serious, if anyone acts OOC, if there's just one comma out of place, I want you to tell me. There's a lot of things I can improve, and I've already begun to revise some stuff. But I need a couple of eyes to pick up the stuff I miss. Someday, I want to find myself on that feature box. This story is easily my favorite one, and I need your guys' help to make it practically perfect.

Be harsh if you want. I can take it. I'm just looking for people to take apart my fic like Pre-Reader 23 did. You've seen what he/she picked out, what do you guys think I should revise? Now that's the kind of comments I like.

Anyway, thanks for reading. And hopefully, I'll be hearing loooong critiques from you guys soon!