WWE WrestleMania 33

Last night, I went to sleep with rage in my heart and disgust on my tongue. I hated this Mania from the bottom of my goddamn heart. I changed my name on Kik to "Fuck Roman Reigns", and I went to sleep unhappy. I decided to sleep on things before I gave my input on the show, so I passed out right there on my couch.

Then, I awoke, and I feel a bit differently.

So, I'm gonna break it down, ignoring the preshow (because, really, who gives a shit?)

First match, Shane O'Mac vs AJ Styles, a match I was beyond upset for existing. The fact that AJ not only didn't get to main event the show, but the match he got was against Shane, it made me furious. Don't get me wrong, I love Shane to death, but AJ deserved a proper opponent. Orton or Bálor or Wyatt or Nakamura. Dillinger, Bobby Rood, anyone! But they gave it to Shane.

It goes without saying that this match was incredible. Shane actually got in some decent wrestling, not just those god-awful punches of his. The Coast to Coast is one of my favorite acrobatic moves, and both spots were fantastic. That goddamn shooting star press was fantastic, and, despite him missing, it still went better than Brock's all those years ago. Styles won, which was the only option (imagine if Shane pinned AJ Fucking Styles)

Next, we have Jericho vs Kevin Owens. This match was built beautifully, boiling over with the Festival of Friendship and Fastlane... Jericho is the greatest in the damn world, and this entire storyline is a really good example of why. This match was incredible, my favorite spot being the KO-Ball reversed into the Walls of Jericho. Hot damn, that was great. KO won, as he should've. Hopefully, he does something with the strap.

Raw Women's Fatal 4-Way was fine. That Shield-esque triple powerbomb was fucking rad, and Charlotte is really fucking great. Bayley shouldn't have won, but whatever. Actually, she should've won, defeating a champion Charlotte, because she shouldn't have won it at Raw or Fastlane and this should've been a 1v1, so Bayley can get her Mania moment and Charlotte would have a PPV streak that was actually significant instead of it ending AT FASTLANE, but, again, whatever.

The Raw Tag Ladder match... Hot diggity damn! I'm gonna try to keep this brief, because if I start to gush, I won't be able to stop. Enzo and Cass were funny, as usual, Cesaro/Sheamus had the best damn entrance ever, and The Club were just kinda there. I really liked the Cesaro Swing/Beats of the Bodhran spot. He just kept on swinging!

Oh, also, the Hardyz are back. What? Oh, sorry, let me rephrase that.

THE FUCKING HARDYZ ARE BACK DAMN IT!

I expected their return, having thought it obvious for weeks. As soon as we saw The New Day announce a fourth team, it was obvious. That didn't stop me from losing my shit at the brilliant BROKEN Matt Hardy and Brother Nero! As to be expected, they DELETED the competition, leaving all rival teams OBSOLETE! Now, Vince Meek-Mahan will be exposed to the BRILLIANCE of the BROKEN universe!

Alright, I'm done.

Team Cena vs Team Mizanin was shit. Miz tried so damn hard to make this good and, to his credit, he did. I enjoyed the match up until the end. Cena won easy, which bitches The Miz right out. The proposal was dumb, too, because it basically cemented everything Miz was saying. To propose to Nikki at the biggest stage in wrestling kinda makes the idea of the relationship being completely for publicity make a lot more sense.

Rollins and HHH was fine. Seth's entrance was great, HHH looked dumb, and Stephenie went through a goddamn table. 'Nuff said.

Orton v Wyatt was stupid. This feud is stupid. Thexplain buildup was stupid. The booking was stupid. The story was stupid. All of that, and then Orton wins. It should've been Harper. Or it should've been AJ. It shouldn't have been Orton is what I'm getting at.

Lesnar v Goldberg was surprisingly decent. Quick, obviously, and I'm not keen on Raw's world title being on a part-timer, but we knew it would happen. It's for Roman, who we will get to in a minute.

The SmackDown Woman's match was a goddamn clusterfuck. I love Naomi, and I'm glad to see her as champ again, but the match was lackluster. Short. Messy. Boring. Just like Prince Conjure.

Zing!

Seriously though, I thought this match was odd. I know the "every available woman" stipulation was to allow for Naomi to return if she was ready and not be a no-show if she wasn't, but there was talk of getting some old-school gals like Kelly Kelly back for Mania. Guess that didn't happen...

Taker v Roman... Going in, I knew Roman would win. There was no way on God's green earth that he wouldn't. But the fat that he won clean without turning heel... that is a mistake. An unforgivable one.

It was damn near a squash. If Vince thinks this is going to make people like Roman, then he is crazier than we thought. I'm shocked Roman made it out of the stadium with his life. I shudder to imagine what will happen when Roman faces off against the next Daniel Bryan or the next CM Punk. There will be riots.

I didn't realize that this was supposed to be Taker's last match until he kissed Michelle. In that moment, he did something I've never seen The Undertaker do. He broke character. And the moment was emotional, to say the least. I was tearing up, having Vietnam Flair v HBK flashbacks. It was hard to watch Taker in that match. He moved so much slower and more clumsy than I remember. Every hit seemed to hurt like hell. He struggled to stand. He struggled to fight. And it was sad. In that regard, the match was exquisite. The storytelling was excellent, and it was a sort of tragic tale of the fall of one of the most beloved wrestlers in this or any promotion.

But, if you really think about it, it's god-awful. Their reason for fighting is stupid. It's Taker's yard. It's always been his yard. There, problem solved.

And I might’ve been more okay with it if Roman wasn't written as the smuggest sumbitch in creation. If he would've pinned Taker, then shook his hand or showed some sign of respect, that would've been... I hesitate to say "fine"... it would've been palatable.

But he just Supermaned his way to crushing the most beloved man in sports entertainment, then celebrated the end of an Era and the broken remains of the fans' hero.

Hell of a way to book the top baby face of the company.

Comments

[Disel Delta]

I'll admit outright that I disagree with some points, but I do agree that for more hardcore wrestling fans, it was definitely a terrible Mania. However, there were some good points.

I'll briefly go over the Pre-show for those that didn't see it because it had some interesting moments. Firstly, Neville vs Austin Aries. As usual, Neville makes the Cruiserweight title mean something, and the match itself was damn great. Really well worked. Not much more on that. For the Andre the Giant Battle Royale, not too much to say except "Holy Shit Big Damo is in WWE now" and "Wow, Mojo Rawley won". What I don't get is WHY Mojo Rawley won... I don't understand it. They're not going to capitalize on that at all. There was no point to it. Dean vs Corbin was a hot mess. Not that it was necessarily a shit match, but when you see what both of these men are capable of, and how they just gave NONE of it in this ENTIRE match, it comes off as probably the most disappointing match of the entire PPV.

Now. Shane vs AJ... I can't say much without echoing you. I feel that it was a great match, which was unexpected because I didn't think Shane McMahon was a good competitor for AJ. Well he proved us wrong, and gave AJ a damn good Mania Match and it was a phenomenal way to start the real show. If only it could've followed up through and through.

Owens vs Jericho was wonderful, once again can't really say much on it other than that. A part of me wishes Jericho would've won just because we know he's on his way out at least for a while, would've been nice to give him something. But that'd give him the belt, which shouldn't happen, so yeah, Owens winning was the best call. Raw is going to be very lonely with Y2J because after all, Raw Is Jericho.

I just agree mostly on the Women's Match too. I really like that Bayley won, Bayley is fucking great. But it just feels like this should've been her FIRST TIME getting the belt on the grandest stage of them all, and winning the big time here. Would've been great and no clue why that DIDN'T happen. Why did they give it to her early? No clue. So the story was a bit of a blah. Sasha Banks and Bayley's bunch of roadbumps didn't amount to anything so that was kinda blah too. Overall, the match ITSELF was good.

HARDY BOYZ ARE BACK! I DIDN'T THINK THAT'D HAPPEN SO SOON! I knew they were coming back, I've followed the news on this but I thought they'd be back TONIGHT. On RAW. I had expected it to go the way of Enzo and Cass/The Cueball Connection(The new name a friend and I came up with for The Club) would win it(Enzo and Cass deserve it and the Cueball Connection can potentially improve from it even though they weren't doing too well with or without them so far) and then they brag about being a great Tag Team, cue Hardy Boyz coming out and showing themselves and challenging them. Nontheless, it was a fantastic moment, the New Day did well in the lead up to them being revealed and the wrestling was good, and storylines are likely to be back, and they're likewise not getting rid of the Broken Matt Hardy gimmick which is surprising and so, so, SO amazing! I can't wait to see where all this goes!

I do disagree about the Miz vs Cena match being shit. I do feel that Cena deserved the win there, because Miz and Maryse were certainly not on Cena's level and that's shown. Cena made great points on latest Smackdown and while I feel the match could've been better, I still think it was decently done, the proposal was good, and unlike most, I don't think this buries Miz much if at all. When Miz lost his title to Ziggler, he went chestnut bonkers and became even BETTER than before. The Miz losing is well-worked into his character and the man can take the L and make it into a thing of brilliance, so I feel like he'll grow into an even more intense heel from this, especially the next time someone mentions this loss to Cena in a feud with him. Which I can see making him snap and go apeshit on that poor unfortunate soul. I feel like it'll go uphill from here if they let Miz do what he wants for a while and say what he wants in upcoming promos.

Rollins vs Trips... I'm gonna be honest. I didn't expect Rollins to win. Not because he didn't deserve it, he deserved it and more and looked fucking great in this match. But after Triple H vs Sting, I felt that Hunter really wouldn't have any issues burying the new hottest star in the company with that golden shovel. So, Rollins won, I'm happy as is. Seeing Steph go through the table was probably the highlight for me because Go To Hell Stephanie McMahon.

Orton vs Wyatt.... I enjoy how narm-tastic the whole feud was. But I am in genuine shock that Orton won... Why? Like... I mean... Bray Wyatt, the new up and coming star who definitely fucking deserved the title, is such an incredibly hard worker, has one of the best gimmicks at the moment... Why would you give it to Orton? Orton who has been in the spotlight for most of his life anyway in the company. Why the living HELL did he win? Bray could win it, show that he really did go mental from Orton burning down Sister Abigail's house and all. Show that he was a main eventer and cement his status as one of the company's top guys. Why the actual hell did he lose this? I will never understand that booking decision unless they somehow take this loss and make Bray go absolutely nuts somehow(which I don't see how he could go any further mental than he already is shown to be) and make the angle greater somehow I don't get it. I don't get it, and I don't LIKE it. The match wasn't even good to balance out the pissy storytelling.

Lesnar vs Goldberg was a SURPRISINGLY good match. I wasn't expecting it to go as long as it did, even though I knew Lesnar would win. I was surprised at how damn great it was and it was worked just right. Nothing but tons of big moves and gorgeous finishers in a beatdown befitting of monsters. Ace match.

The Smackdown Women's Match, what the actual hell just happened?! I had trouble following that! I get why some of those things happened, but it just felt like a trainwreck took place and people tried unfolding them to let them keep going. It was good that Naomi won, yay... I just felt like this match being placed so late in the PPV probably cut it's legs out from under it and they had to get in, get out and not run up the timer.

Undertaker vs Roman Reigns.... I'm just depressed about this. Just fucking depressed. Roman beats the Undertaker clean as a whistle, still billed as a face and it was probably the biggest blow Vince McMahon could've taken to let the fans know, "Fuck You All, I am God in this company". There's no way at all that Taker would win, I know that. Reigns should've turned heel, to complete that he ended the most treasured being in wrestling history. Instead, Vince books it to show that his big dog won and is a dominant force yet again. This is a shining example of the fact that Vince McMahon is madder than a fridge full of dogs and an elevator full of bats, and that he gives no fucks what the fans want or what is needed to make something great. This was the worst moment of the night for me. The Dead Man is gone and we're left with nothing to fill that void(Bray could've filled it if he was just booked RIGHT for god's sake. Roman won't fill it because people hate him, he's bland, he's a terrible wrestler, and he's being coddled by the company and doesn't care about anything besides looking strong for HIMSELF. Cena is on his way to either leaving or going full-on into part-timer status. Orton is Orton). What did this match accomplish besides destroying the most unironically treasured things in sports entertainment? Nothing. Why.

Overall, the PPV had some ups and downs, but while there were MORE ups, the downs were far more monumental than they were and outweighed them in the end. It leaves such a bitter taste in everyone's mouths that moments of the Pay-Per-View were tailored to do nothing but show how much Vince McMahon is spitting on them.