The Melancholy and Disappearance of Arcelia Part II

Okay, okay, I know how mad you people must be right now. You're all truly patient and wonderful people and I am so lucky to have you still with me. I guess, I just thought by now I would've set aside some time to write. Well, life's being complicated. Really, really complicated. And that's nobody's fault. I kind of thought by now, by the time I was seventeen life, would've slowed down a little bit. Given me a chance to catch my breath. I was so very, very wrong.

I've spent the past several months, applying for work...with no success. Wrapping over fifty individual gifts for different members of my family. And playing video games. Lots of video games. Now, these are all perfectly good things to dedicate time to doing. It's just, life's been really hectic.

I mean, my parents split up in February and there's been nothing but drama ever since. I've been in and out of depression and my boyfriend has his own set of issues to contend with. Just the sheer chaos of everything has really caused me to feel a little...confused. I don't know what I want to with the rest of my life, I barely know if I should keep writing. But everyone is telling me to just write. Just write the first thing that pops into my head. Which sounds simple, but honestly. I don't think I have any really good stories to tell. Unless I were to write about some of the things that have happened to me. Which, most of the more recent ones have been downright awful. I mean, who would want to read a story about somepony whose life is constant chaos and never seems to cut her any slack?

Look, I don't want your sympathy. I'm fine. But let's face it. I'm not really seventeen. Or at least I don't feel like I am. I feel like I'm seventeen going on twenty-five. My overall growth and mental development have been greatly accelerated because of the events of the past three years. I was forced to grow up at a very young age due to an early sprout into puberty and a shit ton of unfortunate events. ie. Family members having a mental illness, car accidents, divorce, loss of family pets/friends and most of all...sexual assault.

Next year, I'm hoping life cuts me a little slack. I'm moving to a new house, we're getting a new dog and hopefully, I'll have an apprenticeship. I'm looking at doing a Cert III in Retail but to do that I need to get someone to take me on as an apprentice. It's not going to be easy, nothing has been or ever will be.

When I was younger, all I wanted to do was go to university. But now, that seems more like a pipe dream instead of an achievable goal. I'm mostly using this whole retail apprenticeship as a temporary solution until I find my true calling. There is no doubt in my mind that I won't be good at retail. My family and friends tell me I have the right personality for it and I agree, I can be a bright, bubbly and approachable person when I want to be.

Now, as for what I'm going to do about the gaping holes in my the time between my blogs and my pony words. Honestly, I'm thinking about just smashing my face into my keyboard and posting whatever comes of it. Just kidding. I'll just write whatever comes to my head. There is no shame in not writing or writing something of lesser quality. But I must say, it's been so long since I wrote anything that I'm probably going to be a little rusty.

I'm not going to Bali until April and honestly, I'm not sure I can wait four months. But if you have any suggestions or idea as to what I should or you would like me to write about, please let me know.

Life has been really hard these past few years. And while the show has helped me cope, there is one special friend who has helped me more. I won't say his name, but he retired a while ago and I've managed to keep in touch with him since.

Thank you all for sticking with me on this long and strenuous journey. It's definitely being quite a ride.

See you all in the new year!

- A