Why must life be so hard? · 3:41am Nov 19th, 2016
$2000 isn't even enough to live for 3 months?! What the bumfuck?
So I borrowed another 2k off my life insurance, because why not? I figured that plus the $500 I get for being disability would at least get me started. I've only seriously started looking for apartments in the last few days, but I'm already worried. Worriedly so.
So for reasons, I was not suicidal back in high school, but close. Went to college while living at home, because that was cheaper. Flunked out, because college is a scam, I went for computer tech support but it was more focused on servers and networks, generals were 8th grade shit, blah blah blah. What are now a few of my only friends approached me and invited me back in said college. They were the first to notice that my dystonia was beginning to seriously affect my head/neck after I got fired from McDonalds.
My dad STILL hasn't kicked me out yet, which I'm grateful for...my dystonia was getting worse, eventually got too difficult to maintain a job.(Which was stupid. My friends graduated WITC and I didn't, yet I got a job before they did. They STILL don't have jobs with anything to do with their degrees.)Thanks to the AHCT, I got on my dads insurance in time to have a brain pacemaker installed.
A week ago I pulled out my PS2 and hooked it up. Took 3 tries to get Valkyrie Profile 2:Silmeria to work, but I did! I took a bit of dark amusement from the fact that my dad didn't say anything about it.
VP2 was a beautiful game that I wanted to beat before I killed myself sometime before my 26th birthday. Thankfully, surgery preempted all off that. Oh, and Odin was an asshole.
During this time I borrowed some cash from insurance, dad paid off my student loans because he'd rather I owe him and not a bank. Waited a bit, because Wisconsin winters suck to drive in (relatively speaking), I had my license pulled while still a circus freak so had to get that reinstated, and maybe another reason or 2. Looked for jobs, no bites here in the great retirement village for a year, the FINALLY I get back in with my dishwashing job.
Except it wasn't supposed to be dishwashing. Sure, a few hours on Friday and Saturday because I'd get more hours that way, but I applied to be a cook. I was hired to be a cook. I guess it's actually possible to be too good at your 'job'. I rarely got to cook, on slow days if someone couldn't make it, because 2 16 year olds couldn't keep up with a 27 year old hunchback with a limp! So I was dishwashing all the damn time.
So I quit.
I tried applying at places again, no bites, which brings me to the last couple months. Mavrick shit on the basement carpet, and dad left it to me to clean up. That...ok yes I need to know he is doing this so I can try and stop it, but you don't just leave that there to set on the carpet for someone else to cleanup at 3pm! Especially if he just puked on the carpet you just installed.
So yeah, swallowed some rage there. I cleaned it up, changed the whole litter box and everything. Next day I see note telling me to claen it up or I can get the hell out! i stared at it for a minute or three just trying to figure it out. Went downstairs, yep mavrick shit in the same spot 2 days in a row. Something he hasn't done before or since.
I HATE it in this town. I cleaned it up, and decided then and here that I was going o move out his year, come hell or high water. Except...I live in Wisconsin, which under the rule of the GLORIOUS Scott Walker, is a voter suppression state. So I decided that rather than move out in October and possible get told to drive 3+ hours just to vote, I'd wait until after the election. HAHA JOKES ON ME, CAUSE KARMA HASN'T FUCKED ME OVER ENOUGH!
First choice was Eau Claire, but had more friends over in the Wausau area, so decided on Wausau. DnD group decided to get together the first weekend of November. The friend who was hosting also offered to let me crash for a week so I could apply and look for apartments. So I head down a few days early.
I get lost. Because my phones GPS refues to work. Because I have a Straight talk phone, which is owned by Tracfone, which has no towers, and an apparently shitty lease deal over there. Luckily I could still text, but answering phone calls wasn't possible.
Buying a new phone and switching carriers is one step too much for me, and would make it pointless to apply to places whose phone calls I could never return, so I change my target back to Eau Claire and wait a few days. ( I HAT BEING THE DM!)
Next week is completely shot. Trump win best birthday present evah! So Wednesday was spent recovering from WTF, Thursday I spent wondering if my family that through Facebook posts and general hypocritiness shows they want me dead would actually want to do anything for my actual birthday. Friday was another National Close the Banks Day. Am I the only one that feels Veterans Day, and other similar holidays are less a celebration and more an excuse to forget about said individuals the other 364 days a year, especially when you elect someone like TRUMP?!?!
So this week I finally drive down to Eau Claire, open a new account, deposit my $2000 in new account, hoping that it plus my 500 a month can cover the first 3-4 months, only to find out that Eau Claire either sucks or is awesome. My friends and sister made it sound like apartments were a dime a dozen, but jobs were hard to come by(relatively speaking anyway). Hell, it's begging to look like my 2k will only cover first and last month! And water is included in most of these listings, but not HOT water?!?!
My family was concerned I was depressed a few years ago(HA!) and had me see a doctor about it. It was mostly a bullshit session but he did say one thing that stuck with me. It sounded like I was just "Marking the passage of time". Which...is scarily accurate. I can't remember the last time I've actually felt joy in my core, that I was actually happy. I played video games, and I guess for a given value of fun I enjoy them, but...I feel like I've kept myself in stasis partially because of my past, and partially because I'm still living at home. Moving out was supposed to be sink-or-swim. that I can actually cut loose and live again. Isn't there supposed to be a silver lining or light at the end of a tunnel?
Oh, apparently I am $14k in debt and have a credit score of 719, so I have that!
Oh, and the capstone!
I'm 29 now. Got my cat for my 18th birthday, since my parents were getting divorced(FINALLY), and the cunt was taking our other cat with her. He is EXTREMELY attached to me. If I can't find a decent apartment and take him with me...
Dad sure as hell won't keep him, my sister's allergic, and no fucking way will I give him to my mother, who informed me shortly before Christmas last year that 'Jack is no longer with us." My sister later informed me that the cunt ran him over.
On a sidenote, haven't willingly spoke with mother since.
Friend doesn't wan him, so it seems the kindest thing I can do for him is drown him in the swamp.