Rise Of The Runelords Session 1 — Wherein Two Dwarves Prove Talking Is A Free Action

My wife is running a Pathfinder campaign. One of the players, her best friend and the Maid of Honor at our wedding, hasn't been in an RPG for a long time, and was never very deep into the experience in the first place, so I decided to give her a good anchor by playing her character's brother. The third player is a friend and former coworker of mine. We were supposed to have two more (a member of my high school gaming circle and his wife), but they couldn't make it this time.

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Hilde, a greataxe-wielding Dwarven Barbarian, is searching Varisia for more creatures to challenge her in combat, accompanied by her brother Raghnaid, a Cleric of Cayden Cailean. He suggests that, as they’re in the area, they should visit Sandpoint and see the opening of the new temple. After being reassured that the Swallowtail Festival is certain to include much in the way of free brew, Hilde agrees, and they may their way to the town.

Raghnaid: “Tests of strength or booze?”
Hilde: “We came for the booze.”
Raghnaid: “Why not booze first, then tests of strength, and then more booze.”
Hilde: “Now that’s a plan.”

Hilde participated in an axe-throwing contest, while her brother cheered her on from the sidelines.

Raghnaid: “If you miss with the little one, just throw the big one!”

Hilde lost to a local human strongman.

Raghnaid: “Throw him!”
Hilde: “Throw an axe AT him, you mean.”
Raghnaid: “After what happened last time?”
Hilde: “Oh, yeah. Hit that guy right in the face, didn’t I? They ran us outta town.”
Raghnaid: “And we had to leave the ale behind.”
Hilde: “Oh, right, like that was the problem! Not all the fatherless children?”
Raghnaid: “He got better! You weren’t drunk enough to throw it hard. It got stuck in the bone. Simple job to pull it out and heal him right up. Even got a nice scar out of it for tales at the tavern.”

The dwarves notice that several locals are giving them rather worried looks, and decide to go find themselves some drink before they draw any more attention. Despite this, they notice a tall and slender man wearing a mask in the image of Nethys following them. They discuss this over drinks.

Raghnaid: “What’s with that crazy masked bastard?”

He asked loudly enough for the entire street to hear.

Hilde: “Maybe he’s checking you out, seeing as how he’s behind you.”
Raghnaid: “Well, I do have glorious hair.”
Hilde: “But who knows what some crazy elven bastard is up to.”
Raghnaid: “You don’t know he’s an elf. Sometimes the tall and frail ones are humans.”
Hilde: “No, you can just tell sometimes—”
Raghnaid: “We’ve talked about this, you haven’t got ‘elfdar’.”

At this point, Victor gave up on hiding and introduced himself. An elven investigator, he was cast out of town as a suspicious character during the “Late Troubles”, and admits that he believes something was affecting his mind at the time. He returns to the town incognito at times, usually during festivals, and something about the two dwarven adventurers had caught his interest.

Victor shared the history of the town with the two dwarves, until Raghnaid found out there was a wrestling contest, and decided to do that instead until the main event came around.

During this, various people had difficulty with Raghnaid’s name, and elected to call him Renee instead. Raghnaid is confused as to why they keep finding that funny, since it’s a fine, strong Dwarven name.

Then the goblins attacked, and both dwarves were too deep in their drink to figure out what was happening until Raghnaid saw one jump into a food tent and start eating. With a cry of “Filthy goblin bastards!” he attacked the goblin and bashed its skull in with his tankard.

Hilde and Victor, realizing it came from beneath the cart, check behind it to discover two more. The first Hilde splits in two with her axe, and the other Victor runs through with his sword cane.

Having ruined his drink, Raghnaid paused to ready his battleaxe and shield before following his sister and the crazy elven bastard into the rest of the melee.

They encountered another pack of goblins, and one surprised them, thrusting a torch into Hilde’s face and scorching her hair.

Hilde: “Aw, you little bastard! No, I can rock this.”
Raghnaid: “You can work it! Men might need more booze in them, but you can make it work.”

Victor wounded that goblin, but a second caught him with its torch, wounding him in turn. Hilde cut down the one Victor wounded, and a third rushed her, but couldn’t harm her through her armor. Finally, Raghnaid joined the fray and swung his axe at the goblin attacking his sister, but missed and very nearly hit her instead.

Hilde: “You stupid son of a whore!”
Raghnaid: “She was your mother too!”
Hilde: “I know! There were seventeen of us!”
Raghnaid: “I’m not sure I trust the math here.”
Victor: “So… Which of you is the older one?”

A pause.

Hilde: “We don’t know! There were too many to keep track of, and our parents lost count. Now we all have the same birthday.”

And then Hilde fell down laughing because one of the goblins cast Hideous Laughter. Victor stabs another one, but again fails to finish it off. It stabs him right back, and Victor stumbles, staggered. Hilde, still rolling on the ground laughing, gets slashed when the one goblin gets past her armor on another swing.

Raghnaid: “Sorry, but since elves are weak and frail, sometimes us hardier races have to take care of things for them.”

Trusting that his sister would survive longer than the crazy elven bastard, Raghnaid cuts down the goblin threatening the masked man.

Raghnaid: “Get up already, ye stupid bastards!”
Victor: “I can’t get up!”
Raghnaid: “Yes, you can!”
Victor: “Well, I could, but then I wouldn’t be able to do anything else.”
Raghnaid: “Nothing useful. Fuckin’ elves.”

The spellcasting goblin tries to trip Raghnaid with her whip, because goblins ain’t all that bright, and then Victor remembers he has a potion of Cure Light Wounds and drinks it.

Raghnaid: “You said you couldn’t do anything useful! DRINKING IS ALWAYS USEFUL!”

Hilde shakes off her laughing fit and finishes off the goblin that had hurt her, so Raghnaid cries “Die, ya goblin bastard!” and takes a swing at the spellcaster, but fails to land it once again. He gets stabbed a bit for his trouble. Victor does little better, and finally Hilde chops the last goblin in two.

Father Zantus appears to thank and heal the trio, and we took a break for the night (having spent more time on characters than playing this session) in the hopes that our Bard and Rogue would be able to join us next time, having been fighting goblins somewhere else in the town.