The Mind Of A Man In Love With A Lesbian

I feel... I don't even know. It's so hard to explain how this situation has left me. I'm hurting, bad. That's just the plain truth. But why am I hurting? I knew I didn't have a chance, I knew that from the get go, being a guy. But the heart has a fickle little mind of it's own, and I find myself sitting here writing this blog post.

If it isn't clear already, I'm in love with a lesbian. This situation... It's difficult. I can't be mad at her for rejecting me. I knew it would happen. I had to try though, because I couldn't spend my life wondering... What if? You know? But... Why does it hurt so much? It's not her fault, and I don't blame her in the slightest. I feel like the absolute worse douchebag in the world because I actually at one point felt that I was being gipped. Like I felt like it wasn't fair to me to not even give me a chance. But I know that's wrong. I know it's just selfish egotism and wishful thinking. Hate me for it, I already do anyway. But at the end of the day, I know it isn't true. And I know that even if she had, I'd be taking advantage of her kindness. She couldn't ever return my feelings, and I respect that. But it hurts so much...

I'd have to say, even though I can barely see what I'm writing through the tears, that I'm glad I fell for her. Because I got to know a wonderful, amazing person that is one of my closest friends. I'd never trade that for anything. It's just so hard to be around her, and want so badly to hold her, to kiss her... To be the one to wipe her tears when she's sad, cuddle her when she's cold, cook for her when she's hungry... To wish I could be the one holding her hand, taking her out and putting that smile on her face... I was there with her last relationship. I was there when she got her heart broken... And I hate myself for even thinking this... But I honestly thought if I had been the girl.... I never, ever would have broken her heart. I never would have left her.... Am I selfish for thinking that? Am I wrong? Does it make me an asshole? Maybe. Maybe all of those things are true... But it's the truth. I love her too much to ever hurt her. I don't really know what the point to writing this was. I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for taking the time to read this, assuming anyone does. And to others out there with this struggle... To others who understand where I'm coming from, keep your head up and your chin held high. You aren't alone. I know what it's like, and I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, even if we've never met before, just ask.

Comments

[Dalek Saxon]

Pain is always the end result of love or feelings of romantic affections or interest. No matter what, it will always happen. Either through rejections, breakups, or the end all be all demise of love...death itself. So pain will always come into play eventually through some manner. It doesn't matter how or why you feel in love or the amount of pain you felt from the eventual fallout. What matters is the experience you had that will help shape you. And what truly matters is how you let it shape you.

Don't let it consume you or overcome you to put you into an endless despair that will put your life on a grinding halt. Don't let it go the opposite direction either to make you bitter and resentful to make you either try and avoid love altogether or lead you down the path to become an abusive person. You take the pain and you add it to your mind as another experience that makes you human, you take all the good and the bad and you learn from it...you understand it, and then move on after your grieving period....

Most importantly, don't let it destroy your relationship with the one you cared for or don't think of it as damaged either. There will of course always be that lingering feeling of pain and that memory that will effect the both of you but don't let it be a negative thing that weighs it down, because if you do the weight of the pain will increase which might eventually destroy it in the long run.

You understand, you accept, and then you move on...and maybe eventually, after moving on you find someone else to start up a new relationship of love and longing even after the previous pain and the pain that will eventually come later through whatever might happen...that is the human experience and is what makes us alive. The need for love and the need to love...don't let this mishap distort or effect that...keep going and always remember. It could always be worse and it will always get better in time....but only if you let it for both things...so make it better and hope for the future...because if you don't...you'll be like me with no hope of love or thought of the future...and a word of advice...

Being me sucks...so don't...