Futureworld (1976) · 8:06am Aug 13th, 2015
I remember the first time I drank King Cobra malt liquor. I was somewhere off of fourteenth street when the idea of renting a movie or two and eating chili with some friends came to mind. These friends were the sort of friends who were into making their own wall paper out of the pictures in such classic periodicals as Juggs and Hustler. There was a naked dude there too to which I asked why there was a naked dude there and the short one with the star tattoo on his elbow immediately screamed, "It's not mine," which of course means it was.
Anyway we decided to settle on two classic movies. The first was The Black Ninja a movie about a black dude who is a ninja and a lawyer which makes sense. The second was Shark Hunter, the Antonio Sabato Jr. movie about a guy in a mini sub looking for revenge against a megalodon. Somewhere between those two movies the three or four of us (it got hazy after awhile) were eating chili and downing the King Cobra we'd bought at a grocery store. It wasn't quite as smooth as Fred Williamson had promised. It probably wasn't the greatest decision I'd ever made in my life but, it did make Shark Hunter amazing. Bad decisions though are how we learn, and I think Queen Chrysalis has a lot to learn.
Listen babe, you and your entire race can change into anything you want. Why do a full out assault? All you have to do is pull the old subterfuge game. Seriously, Twilight comes busting in with the real Cadance, all you have to do is go, "Oh no! Changelings!" Then have two of your minions change into Twilights next to the real one. That should buy you enough time to get an I do and possibly a few kids out of the deal. You have to keep your eye on the prize. Remember, the old barfly rule: At two o'clock you're a ten at ten o'clock you're a two, so get him drunk you dirty skunk and for paternity always sue.
Speaking of dirty duplicates, the Delos corporation is back in business and is offering you the vacation packages of a life time. After the events in the movie Westworld they've retooled and fixed all of the problems that could possibly occur and are working to create a better vacation experience and perhaps a better world. Of course two reporters played by Peter Fonda and Blythe Danner don't completely buy that. Fonda is especially unconvinced when a contact of his dies in his arms thus setting up the whole shebang. Is Delos an evil corporation bent on world domination? Does Ozzy Osbourne mumble?
Worth checking out after a cold one or six.
Stats:
12 Dead Bodies
1 moment of making the sign of the two headed squirrel
1 implied moment of making the sign of the three headed wolf fish
2 stabbings
1 glass of water to the face
8 shootings
1 falling
Face Ripping
Rocket Fu
Gun Fu
Robot Fu
Board room Fu
Tech room Fu
Camera Fu
Finger Fu
Shout Outs:
Peter Fonda as Chuck Browning for saluting his hosts cab driver style.
Blythe Danner as Tracy Ballard for shooting straight and saying , "I don't like to be called socks," which she's called for the rest of the movie.
Jim Antonio as Ron Thurlow for asking Tracy Ballard, " Are you gonna do it? ... Have sex with a robot?"
Yul Brynner as The Gunslinger for taking part in a really weird dream sequence with a red rope/cord thing.
Stuart Margolin for telling his faceless robot friend, "Don't touch those cards!"
Preview:
Bonus King Cobra ad:
