Psssssssssssssst.

Come closer, my followers. Yes. Closer still. I have a secret mission for you all. Obs the Great and Bearded, as you may have been well aware of, is running a contest. The OC Slamjam, where OCs are pitted against each other in ferocious bouts of characterization and wit. Yours truly has entered, so I need your help. I’m not allowed to reveal my entry—due to the anonymity of it all—but I’ll give you some hints so you know it’s me.

1) I tend to use words when I write my stories.
2) My characters generally have names.
3) Look for words that bespeak a greater intelligence. Words like “the” will only be used by myself and my equals, so stay alert.
4) I will never ship Fluttershy with a Minigun.
5) I used to be an adventurer like you.

Or, if you still can’t figure out which story is mine, which it should be very obvious by now, go and read every single entry and vote for the best ones! That way, you’ll vote for me for sure, ‘cause I’m the best writer!* ** *** **** *****

*Some people may disagree. But they are haters and heretics.
**Haters may refer to themselves as “critics” or “people who are smarter than you who you should really listen to because they are being nice by passing on some of the vast knowledge they have accumulated,” but we all know the truth.
***Haters may also refer to themselves as “NightWolf289.” He is the worst hater of all, and his incessant down-talking of my writing often keeps me from the pages that I love so much.
****Haters may have seemingly legitimate reasons for their hate, but they are wrong because they are oppressing me.
*****Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
^I’m going to make a song out of that. It’ll be really catchy for sure. I can tell.

Why are you still reading this? Go! Vote! Read! Have a gay old time! Free popsicles for everyone!