Yes i am asking help like a useless moron. · 6:41am Mar 5th, 2015
You are nothing.
That's every thought that was going through Trixie's brain every day after that fateful day. Before that day, Trixie thought she was the manifestation of perfection. Now she wasn't so sure. Trixie had just walked into the dreaded setting where her dreams had been crushed. Canterlot High. As usual the school was filled with hundreds of students attempting to get to their classes on time. Not so as usual, Trixie was quiet. She kept her head down and hoped that no one would notice her.
Amongst the crowd she saw a familiar face. A girl with a hair color of red and yellow. Sunset Shimmer. Just one of the people who ruined her dreams last night. Surprisingly, she walked towards Trixie and started to talk to her.
"Hi Trixie, I'm sorry we met on the wrong terms and all. A lot of weird stuff happened and we should put that behind us now. Maybe we can be friends?" Sunset said as she held out her hand to shake.
"Come on Trixie. Say something snappy!" Trixie thought. "The Great and...oh what's the use!" Trixie said as she stormed outside.
"Trixie!?" Sunset said as she watched Trixie flee out the doors. Sunset sighed. "Maybe one day..."
Trixie sat on the steps of the school in tears. She had cried so much, Trixie made her own personal puddle. She looked at herself and then crushed the puddle with her foot.
Just then a chill came through the air. It was as if time itself had stopped moving. Every light was reduced to darkness. A soothing voice called out.
"My, my, my. Why are you crying, dear child?" The voice asked.
"Trixie is...not perfect." Trixie wept. "Wait..a second," Trixie exclaimed, "who are you!?"
"I am the granter of wishes. Anything you wish, I can make come true."
"You're...like Trixie's fairy godmother!?"
"I have no idea what that is but sure. Let's go with that."
"So...what's the catch?" Trixie asked suspiciously.
"Catch? Who said anything about a catch, my dear. I certainly did not."
"Usually when someone offers Trixie something, there's usually a catch." Trixie murmured as she remembered the Dazzlings.
"Oh no, my little one! You must not fear me. I am your friend. Don't you want to make a friend out of me? After all, friendship is magic."
"Trixie's...friend? Trixie doesn't...have any friends. Not anymore anyways. Trixie wasn't good enough to have friends. She thought they were better off without her."
"Well, here is your chance to make a new friend. A powerful friend."
"A powerful friend? Can you make Trixie powerful too!?"
"I can make you more powerful than you could ever conceive! Now, I only grant wishes to those in need. Those who have been wronged by others and I help to right those wrongs. So Great and Poweful Trixie, do you accept my friendship?" Trixie thought about it briefly. Then accepted the offer.
So this is what the first horrible chapter in my never ending chain of experiments in order to create the perfect story. This is only the rough draft of course. Some feedback would be nice. As I am asking help. Again. Like an idiot.
Seems intriguing?
Well, I can recognize some of my advice in there (glad they were useful). I thnk the concept is fine, but the passing is way to quick, and that would be the only major problem, actually.
Right now I'm a little tired and sleepy, but I think I can write an introduction for you, tomorrow. Also, I would advice you to give more detail or to extend the ones already given. For example, Sunset's scene could be way longer, with more effort from Sunset on trying to conect with Trixie. Or also, when Trixie mentions her breakup with her friends, that sentence is calling for a flashback.
2850925 No need. This is only concept. I have everything planned out perfectly.
2850926
Okay, so, how can I help you on this?
2850930 Advice? I will work on this first chapter for a very very very very very very very long time. Until the end of the month perhaps. I will put a blog about the story and you can give.your input.
My prime advice here is to slow down and give more details on what's happening and how. Also, each character deserves a presentation, each dialogue its own scene and each concept its explanation.
This looks promising to me. I'd go with it.