Sins of a Celestial Empire · 7:31am Jan 24th, 2015
Our story of friendship, compassion, and rocket engines begins on the planet of Equestria, located in orbit around the star Hippoi. Princess Celestia, having grown tired of tyrannizing guiding the population of one planet in the ways of harmony for so long, sought to extend her goodwill to other planets and peoples. She dispatched swift messengers of peace to the neighboring planetary systems, only to find that they did not welcome her entreaties.
She soon redoubled her efforts and returned with a larger assortment of ships, including the Akkan class Battlecruiser Solar Invictus, which proceeded to greet the aggressive neighbors with many long messages of friendship. After the defending ships were humbled by the Solar Invictus, the planet they hailed from was much more receptive to Celestia's advances, and a flourishing colony of ponies soon sprang up.
As more planets in the star system fell victim to Celestia's merciless benevolence, it soon became clear that there were other stars in the cosmos who had not yet heard of harmony. It was Celestia's duty, nay, burden, to spread the word. A mighty fleet of long–range gift frigates and confetti frigates were assembled to accompany the Solar Invictus on her next great diplomatic mission.
However, it appeared that her reputation had preceded her, and the inhabitants of the next star–system were well prepared for the arrival of the Solar Invictus. She was met with many gifts, confetti, and 21 gun salutes, so many that, in fact, she began to tire of the massive diplomatic receptions a ship of her stature would receive and went to pursuade smaller, less defended systems to join the Equestrian Empire. This worked well enough, until a pirate raid interrupted a colony with their own diplomatic procession. Worse still, it was not long before some very rude guests from a nearby interstellar Crystal Empire crashed the proceedings, without even the common decency of providing tea, or cakes.
This could not stand.
Princess Celestia soon ordered the mighty battleship Twilight's Sparkle to blockade the space pirate base, while the dreadnought Luna's Eclipse was dispatched to the Crystal Empire to demand an explanation for their poor behavior. Once there, King Sombra proceeded to insinuate that Princess Celestia was closely related to a camel, which caused the commanding officer of Luna's Eclipse to slip her hoof and initiate a planetary bombardment of the Crystal Empire colony they had docked at.
Diplomacy swung back and forth as both sides had a heated exchange of words and thermonuclear warheads, but in the end, reason prevailed, and the Solar Invictus broke through enemy lines to deliver a basket full of apologies and radiation to Sombra's doorstep, which he accepted with little delay. The mood on the front was joyous as Sombra's ships fled to warn others of Celestia's mercy, and his capital planet was added to Equestria's ever–growing list of worlds.
I'm not sure whether I should be awed by the thinly veiled 'dictatorship' or laugh myself silly at the implications of that 'veil'.
I think I'll do both.
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You should see the sequel...
Yes