The Making of Fluttershy's Garden: Storyboard · 9:16am Jan 6th, 2015
This is one of a series of blog posts about the making of Fluttershy's Garden, and contains unmarked spoilers. If you haven't yet read Fluttershy's Garden and its sequel, I would recommend reading them first.
0. Introduction
1. Inspiration
2. Character Design
3. Storyboard
4. Mechanics
5. Character Reactions
6. Ending
7. Loose Ends
8. Sequel
“If a line of dialogue is the title of the episode, movie, or book, it obviously must have some great significance. If it sounds completely random, that just means the true meaning of the title has yet to be revealed. So when a character is heard using the title in dialogue, the audience sits up and takes notice, because the scriptwriter has just planted a neon sign that flashes THIS CONVERSATION IS IMPORTANT.”
There are two approaches to design a story (or a computer program, I'm a software developer by trade): top-down or bottom-up.
With a top-down approach, you start with a high-level outline of what you want to write, and gradually increase the level of detail.
With a bottom-up approach, you start with a few key scenes, and write the story around them.
I believe most writers (and software developers) use a combination of these two approaches. Start with an outline and a few key scenes, and fill the detail between them.
The story started with two key scenes. The first scene, with Fluttershy lost in the Everfree Forest, without any memory of how she got there. And the final scene of the last chapter. The whole story grew from these two scenes.
My first step was to create a Git repository for the story. A version control system like Git allows you to keep the history of what you wrote; in case of a botched rewrite, for instance, it allows you to go back to an earlier version of the text.
On this repository, I created a free-form text file for my notes. In it, I drafted the story outline and wrote notes about the characters. After I was satisfied with the outline, and the Original Characters had been defined, I started writing, each chapter on its own separate text file.
Fluttershy's Garden has two interleaved stories, the “present” and the “past”. The “present” is the main story, while the “past”, told via flashbacks, reveals the events leading to the start of the story.
The main story starts with Fluttershy wandering alone, invisible to everypony. The start of the story can be summarized by the story description:
“I do not know what I was doing at the Everfree Forest that day. My friends do not see me anymore. My friends do not hear me anymore. I am alone.”
(I wanted to avoid any spoilers, so the story description summarizes nothing beyond the first chapter.)
Genre-savvy readers can already guess that she's probably dead, but Fluttershy is not genre-savvy.
The next part of the main story is the funeral. Fluttershy's body is found, and buried. A simpler story could end here; but this story keeps digging deeper and deeper.
Fluttershy's role as both an Element of Harmony and the caretaker for Ponyville's animals could not be left empty. Therefore, Celestia sends a replacement. Fluttershy is not happy about that.
To make things worse, a stallion Fluttershy was interested in arrives at Ponyville, and is befriended by her replacement.
Fed up with the situation, Fluttershy abandons her house. She now roams around Ponyville, always avoiding her replacement. This is the story's Darkest Hour.
Finally, she sees her friends crying for her, and understands that they still love her. She does not feel alone anymore.
She then helps a “dead little colt”, which leads to the main flashback.
After the flashback, she gets back to her house, and reconciles with her replacement.
And all that's left is the ending chapter.
The “past” story has two parts: the motive for Fluttershy to go to the Everfree Forest, and the events within the forest. The first part was cut in two, and inserted as short flashbacks in two separate chapters.
The cuts between the chapters are important. They should bring closure to the chapter, and at the same time leave the reader wanting for more.
The first chapter ends with a cliffhanger. As one commenter in the story said, “It's never good when everyone treats you like a ghost and then someone announces that they've found you.” The reader is left wanting to know what has been found.
The second chapter ends with a tombstone, bringing closure to the first arc of the story.
For the whole of the third chapter, Spring Egg is presented (through Fluttershy's Unreliable Narrator eyes) as some sort of villain. The last line, however, shows her crying over a dead animal, one which she didn't even know about before. That line shows that she's not the monster Fluttershy makes her be.
The fourth chapter ends with Fluttershy giving up and abandoning her house and her animals — everything she still had.
The fifth chapter would end up on a happy note, since Fluttershy found out that her friends hadn't forgotten about her after all. However, it's still too early for a happy ending, so to create a cliffhanger, I moved the start of the sixth chapter (the “dead little colt” chapter) to the end of the fifth chapter. The reader can guess what will happen next: the little colt will slip, and fall to his death.
The sixth chapter ends with another tombstone: Pebble disappears, and Fluttershy is alone again.
The seventh chapter starts with a sudden shift in time and space; we're now inside a Whole Chapter Flashback, which ends with Fluttershy's death.
Finally, the eight chapter contrasts with all the others before it, by ending on a happy note. There's no need to leave the reader wanting for more; the reader's already hooked, and will follow us to the end of the story.
Chapter naming
There are many ways to name chapters. The obvious one is to simply number them; but if you can give a chapter a name, it can set the tone of the chapter before the reader has seen the chapter's first word.
After a couple of tries, I settled on single-word “feelings” for the chapter names; after reading each chapter, the connection between its name and its theme should be easy to figure out.
The exceptions were the last two chapters, where the names from a previous attempt stuck: Reconciliation and Rebirth. Finally, I renamed the last chapter from Rebirth to Family, to avoid spoiling the ending.
Story title
The story title is the first thing the readers see. It has to be chosen carefully. But as I mentioned before, I'm not good at naming things.
I decided to use a Title Drop to name the story. The title was taken from a conversation right at the middle point of the story, at the moment Fluttershy realizes her friends did not forget her. That conversation explains why not only her friends, but the whole town, didn't forget her: because her kindness had affected everypony.
The whole town was her garden.
Next post: Mechanics
One thing that occurred to me as I read the end of this fic a second time is this: beautiful story... but a "happy" ending?
Definitely not with ghost-Fluttershy turning into a body snatcher...
Okay, joking aside: it's a little too convenient. I suppose one could allow for looser interpretations and think of the last few moments of the fic as "ghost Fluttershy fading away, akin to Pebble," but the narration very clearly implies the more obvious interpretation, i.e "she gets a second chance" (I'd rather not call it "reincarnation").
Now, while it's a healthy dose of happy after the melancholia of the chapters prior -- and that is always welcome -- it also kind of defeats the purpose of what the story aimed for in the beginning. To me, the central theme was "moving on," something which all the characters in the story struggle with, but have to do in the end. Ending on a note that is both tragic -- since Fluttershy would still be gone -- but also beautiful -- since life could go on just as happy, and her memory and work would have lived on -- would have been far more powerful. Not quite as easy to swallow, but having a greater and deeper impact.
But the ending we get instead -- and while I haven't read the whole thing yet, the sequel seems to be going for the same thing as well -- pretty much says "RESPAWN IN 10...9...", and everything that developed up to that point suddenly loses all of its meaning. It borders on disturbing if we are to think that her getting the foal's body was not a case of reincarnation, but possession...
Just to be clear, I'm not trying to bully this fic for no reason. Overall, I still think it's a fantastic work, but this part bugged me a little once I reread it. In my experience, many authors who work toward a perfect peak in their stories seem to "get cold feet" at the last moment and offer something "radio friendly" -- perhaps to appease those that despise the lack of a happy ending -- instead of an ending that gives no quarter (emotionally), but does not sacrifice the weight of the story in the process. If anything, these endings are supposed to build upon it.
I usually prefer not to name drop stuff, but Fallout: Equestria has an interesting facet to it that could be contrasted pretty well with this fic, with a rather ironic twist, I might add. While both fics offer a happy ending (the other of which I won't spoil), in Fo:E, I always feel this lingering bitterness each time we get glimpses of pre-apocalypse (or even pre-war) Equestria. This is because, despite all the good that can be achieved in the end, a once beautiful and magical world has been lost forever, and none of those who died and were once good and pure can ever be brought back, no matter how much we might want them to be. Well... excluding certain individuals of course, and in the context of discussing your fic, I think it's a fitting parallel. (spoiler alert!)
All that said, permanent loss combined with "a world that can move on" is far more emotional to me than "everyone getting their happy ending."
EDIT: I read your prior blog post about the inspiration to the fic. So does this mean the conclusion happens to be the very foundation of the whole story? With that in mind, I believe my point still stands, but it does put things into a new perspective. The premise offers a unique form of introspection, both for the characters involved and perhaps for ourselves, but I still find that it's a bit out of place in your work. Perhaps the choice of Fluttershy is what makes it awkward. Her rebirth comes across as a case of "being given back to the world" (even though her new mother already replaces her), whereas the version in "Action and Reaction" to me implies that they "needed to be reborn" before they were worthy of the heritage.
The former idea can work, but it probably needs a different kind of buildup and conclusion (i.e the answer to the question "why would Fluttershy -- and, by extension, the rest of the world -- benefit from a new mother?") The latter would probably need a different main character altogether.
Also: dammit, the more I think about this "new mother" perspective, the more depressed I get. This fic is getting to me for the second time...
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The main concept behind this fanfic comes from Spiritism. According to Spiritism, everybody has had many past lives, and (with rare exceptions) will have many other lives. So even though Fluttershy lost everything she had when she sacrificed herself, she will get another chance.
It is reincarnation.
As I mentioned in the introduction, I keep finding new things in this story, even though I'm the one who wrote it. Thanks for telling me something else I hadn't noticed yet. Yes, its central theme is "moving on" — which is what I was myself struggling with at that time. Many months had passed since the last time I could see his face, his body resting in a coffin filled with flowers...
Even though she is reborn, it's not a Reset Button Ending. She might get to befriend the same ponies again, meet the same animals again, live in the same house — but she has no memory of her past lives, and is going through a new childhood. As far as she and everypony around her knows, she's a new pony. Pinkie intuitively knows it's the same soul, and Discord manages to convince the other five, but even then their relationship has to start from scratch (though their affinity remains).
It's more like the world is being given back to her.
I omitted the details of the Antônio Olímpio story, since they aren't relevant to my story, but...
Antônio Olímpio killed his brothers, to get their share of the farm, by drowning them in a lake and making it look like an accident. The vengeful spirits of his brothers led his wife to drown in the same lake, and years later, Antônio Olímpio himself died. The farm was inherited by his only son.
The book's protagonist, together with his fellow spirits, convince the two brothers to give up their revenge. The plan is that, a couple of years later, Antônio Olímpio will be reborn in his own family, and several years later, the two brothers will be reborn as his sons. That way, Antônio Olímpio will give them back the property he had unjustly taken from them.
You have no idea how many times this fic has gotten to me
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If you're going for the concept of reincarnation, then you missed some of the most crucial aspects of it. One returns to the cycle because they need to develop more before they can break out of it once and for all. Depending on which form best suits them (or rather: which form they desire), they could be anywhere from an animal to a demon of hell. Human -- or in this case: pony -- is the most ideal form, so Fluttershy got "insanely lucky" in this fic, not to mention the fact that she's reincarnated in the exact same place and surrounded by the exact same ponies is not in line with the true essence of reincarnation.
On the other hand, the "phases" that Fluttershy goes through are masterfully accomplished, and this element of the story is actually far closer to what the reincarnation cycle -- particularly to the Six Realms -- is all about than the "rebirth" itself. An important thing about these realms is that they are not "rigid", i.e one can move between them even if they themselves are human, for example. In the fic, Fluttershy starts off as herself (i.e "human"), descends at the very least to the level of a Preta, and her rebirth as a pony is thanks to her eventually being able to "move on" and develop spiritually, as we discussed before.
My point is that the conclusion of the fic is almost whimsical next to the grand concept it's trying to employ. Conversely, the more subtle details reflect the main theme (i.e reincarnation and the "wheel of life") almost perfectly.
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That's not how reincarnation works according to Spiritism. A spirit does not regress, so you won't have a human reincarnating as another species of animal.
Since I used concepts from Spiritism for this fanfic, it's natural and expected (not "insanely lucky") for Fluttershy to be reborn as an Equestrian pony.
As for reincarnating in the same place and surrounded by the same ponies, someone being reborn in similar conditions (for instance, someone being reborn as his own grandson) is quite common according to Spiritism.
As for the rest of your comment, unfortunately I don't know much about Buddhism, so I'd have to do some research before commenting on that.
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Oh, we're talking about two different philosophies. My bad...
Then again, they aren't entirely at odds. While reincarnation in Buddhism is different, the idea is that you meet the same "characters" (spirits, if you prefer) in every life, since they are the ones you need to encounter in order to improve yourself. However, this does not mean you are likely to become your own descendant (or end up very close to your loved ones from your former life). It's far more likely that everyone "inhabits" a different person (perhaps even a different form altogether) at that point, but they still form the same kinds of connections.
Aside from that difference, however, both interpretations seem more or less compatible with the story.