A small sample + pre-reader request. · 7:32am Dec 30th, 2014
So...
I decided to continue. Because I am a glutton for punishment. So yes. Sorin and Pinkie's adventures through the multiverse is going to be a thing. Congrats to those who liked my little one shot. There's just one...small problem...
If you haven't figured it out from the first story, I absolutely, positively suck at writing dialog. And so I'm stuck on this one scene where Celestia and Sorin meet for the first time. Yes, I am working on it. No, it is not going well. That said, I will likely need masochistic I mean brave foolish determined OCD patients people with an eye for detail in the future. Note that this is NOT immediate. I still need to WRITE the damn thing first, and don't expect updates to be anything but semi-regular at best.
Not that I'm going to leave you hanging entirely: Here, have a sample of what I'm working on right now: one (mostly) finished scene. Of course, it's not that simple: I've actually added five intentional errors. PM me with three of them, and you're in the running for pre-reading (those in the comments to this blog will NOT be considered, as that allows others to see them. In fact, assuming it is allowed, I will edit this post to change the errors should this happen and then discard all "applications" - if you can call them that - in between the comment time and the time of my edit.). Also, constructive criticism would be lovely:
Celestia had read the reports several times over, and still she did not believe them. It had started as a normal day, but when that visitor(one that seemed to come from nowhere, as no record of anyone looking like him could be found in the Archives: she had checked herself) visited Pinkie Pie, the reports from the agents she constantly had watching the Elements (even with the physical manifestations returned to the tree, she still had a hunch that those six would indeed continue to be pivotal to Equestrian history – a hunch validated not too long ago by Tirek’s defeat) reported that Pinkie “deflated. Quite literally, her mane and tail went from her usual poofy, eccentric coiffure to a straight, drooping, disconcertingly even rag, with an acompanying darkening of coat and mane. This was acompanied by a strange feeling of foreboding, as if all the joy in the room had been sucked away.” That he had accomplished this merely by talking to her disturbed Celestia greatly.
Even more disturbing was what had happened when her guards had attempted to apprehend him. That afternoon, it was just the local law enforcement. Witness reports had said that all this mysterious stallion had to do was look at the officer, and he curled up into a fetal position, dying soon after of a heart attack (http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=202486). Celestia was greateful that this visitor seemed mostly to keep to himself as much as possible, but happened yesterday truly scared her.
A squadron of guards had gone to apprehend him. To say he did not react well was an understatement. When two of the guards had rushed him. he merely launched two back projectiles at them, and they dropped dead immediately. When the others readied their weapons, the two that had died…rose and attacked their former comrades alongside him. The lone survivor – if one could call it that – was only left alive so it could go to her and deliver a message. “Leave me in peace” the stallion had said, before he dropped, a dark mist leaving its neck from what could only be a blood-stained bite mark. An autopsy revealed that a large portion of his blood had been removed, though there was no blood trail from him whatsoever. Celestia was just grateful that she had called Twilight to Canterlot to discuss what to do about this stranger the previous day.
They went to Ponyville that afternoon. She was partially relieved when they interviewed Rarity: It seemed that she had run into him in the market that first morning, and hadn’t thought much of it – outside of running into a fine example of stallion asthetics, of course. This eased her initial fears that it was purposefully hunting the Elements, slightly, but that also had Twilight asking “why only Pinkie?” Indeed, that would be a good question: one that could only be answered by the stallion in question, as the mare had locked herself in her room, only taking the occasional meal from the Cakes.
When they asked her agents, who had started watching this stranger ever since his run in with Pinkie, they were told he spends most of the day in the park, staring at the sun as if it were some great mystery to be solved, yet always with the same sad, detached expression. Thus she resolved to go to him the next morning upon raising the sun. Thus, the Sun Regent went to speak with the Solemn Visitor.
