On Depression · 9:05am Aug 30th, 2014
There are no condolences to the newly fallen. Only when you die, or are trapped in a physical state of death are you watched… It's not care, it's pity. Still, when everything hurts you just want someone to lean on. The emptiness and the dry tears at your eyes; despair is endless falling.
When you fall, your heart is shredded to pieces. Simply putting your emotions back into place is painful. You starve for attention, you weep yourself to sleep and you claw your skin off as fast as you can just to feel human again.
You can understand love in misery…you just can't feel it. Without this, most people just break. Like a toy without it's spindles, you just can't move anymore.
You remember everything in that motionless state. Everyone you ever loved, all you've lost, all the people you care for. You recall every foul memory, every dead relative, and contemplate death in an attempt to decide if it's worth living.
The weight, the rain, the storm of emotion is what crushes you…and the subsequent loss of all of the above.
Empty of everything, you just write your feeling out on paper nobody will ever read, and burn it. You repeat this process until you can't stand yourself anymore and fall asleep to dreams of madness; wishes long forgotten to the sands of change.
Eventually you reach a state where you rely on this state and it becomes a method to forget. Forget the loneliness. Forget the hatred, the despair. Forget hope. Forget everything in the hope for a pleasant dream of quiet, bloody quiet.
And then, you may not think yourself the world, but you're at least satisfied with living another day longer.
And when you remember writing this you cry yourself to sleep.