A year between updates.

I'M NOT DEAD YET!

Okay yeah, I pretty much am (5515 notifications? Way to go, blowjob!). I ain't happy about it, though. As I've said in my last "I'm not dead yet" blog posts, I'm still dealing with college. However, that ain't the biggest issue here:

I feel like I'm not sure where I want to take any of my stories. I have some ideas for them (even some I still don't understand completely (ie A Golden Flame)), but I also have trouble getting said ideas into writing - something I've never been good at (I certainly wish I was, too, because I'd be the next fucking Tolkien). I've tried different tactics, from just fucking going for it (A New Life (which I completely fucked up, btw, because the one rule I had set for myself was not to make a relationship between Briar and any other characters........which I promptly wrote myself into (with Vinyl))), to attempting to put together an outline before I wrote it (Poeni: An Ancient Breed (until I got impatient and fucked it all up - I originally didn't want to upload it until it was finished)). The funniest thing though, is that what I consider to be my best story - Unlike Herself - I had come up with one night when I had insomnia. I just got the idea in my head, wrote it without consciously thinking about it to much, then went back to my bed and eventually fell asleep. It wasn't until I read it the next morning that I fully realized the gem I had! And speaking of gems, I consider my base concept for FAtE (laughter being the best medicine) to be a gem as well...uuuuuntil I fucked it up when I tried writing it.

All in all, I don't really know what I want to do - where I want to go. What I DO know, however, is that I will never, EEEEEEEEVER (I typed that in Chris Jericho's voice just now xD) cancel ANY of my stories - pieces of shit that they may be. I'm certain that at some point - some day, I'll figure out a way to pull it off. Perhaps I'll have another night like the night I wrote Unlike Herself, but instead I will fix/finish my other stories. I don't know. But they won't die. I won't let them. My mind might be fucked up, my ability to put ideas into words might be fucked up, but I'll finish my stories. Somehow.

I promise.

~Brendan Kirk "Da Beejees" Julian