I dont know how to title this · 7:56am Aug 7th, 2014
So it's time to get real... I'm a depressed piece of crap. I'm a mess. I'm holding my life together with a few fake smiles and my music. I don't have any friends and my family hates me. I put so much work into my appearance because I feel like if I look good physically people might not notice how fucked up I really am. I don't even know what I'm doing with my life. I don't come on this site often and when I do I don't do the stories I write justice. I have failed at everything in life and I can hardly look at myself. Sometimes I just want to start drinking again. But mainly I want to stop feeling alone all the time.
For almost a year I was a major introvert. I didn't want to make friends because having to say good bye was more painful than being alone. But I failed and after I left the island I was on the farewells where just as painful as I knew they where going to be. I will probably not see them again. After I moved back to Alabama with my family I came out as a bisexual and an atheist. As you probably read (if you care, I honestly don't anymore) from my previous blog. It is still something that is taking some getting use to especially with my family. Religion crush self-esteem and my sexuality and I was guilt tripped all over the map. After all the yelling stopped I said something's and then I left my mom's house forever. I'm currently staying with my grandparents until I get accepted into job core. They are uneasy about me but they put on good masks, so at least they try. Well that is until my grandma isn't around then gramps goes off on me. I take it but damn he says some hurtful stuff. Now I'm here. I just watched seven psychopaths and the perks of being a wallflower. Both great movies but perks was a bit too hipster and modern for my taste. I liked it don't get me wrong but I got a lot more depth from the breakfast club.
Well back to the topic at hand. I'm a right mess. I just want to die but I'm to scared to. I wish I had a friend. All the ones I had back in Colorado are going off to college and stuff. Fuck man growing up scares me senseless. However at the same time it's like the event horizon, there's no escape. So I don't know if anyone cares about what I write or even what I blog about but if someone comes across this then... well fuck if I know. I guess this is me. I have been keeping it in so long I just forgot what it was like to let it out. Damn I'm fucking crying great I BLAME YOU!!!
Yeah so I don't feel so good. But this site brings me some comfort so I'll stick around. Every one view I see makes me smile. I love you guys more than you know.
Adios peeps.
I will read all of this when I'm not busy needing to sleep. Promise.
Someone is here, and they are certainly listening.
I beg to differ.
Picture please.
I don't think any of us really do, my friend.
This is a... complicated subject, here. Many people I know feel alone, and no one wants to feel alone... but really, who do you want to fill that void?
If you want to get technical, a lot of the time, it's just hormones making you feel alone. They want you to sleep with as many women as possible so as to get your genes into the next generation, but it takes far more strength of will to wait for someone who's actually worth waiting for.
Sometimes it just sucks. Life is going to suck. A lot. It always does, for everyone. No one ever told you, "Life is an easy thing to get through." It really isn't. There will be struggles. There will be hardships. Obstacles. Goals. Grief. Pain. No one is an exception, no matter how snide or rude they might pretend to be.
Life is tough. Being alone for a significant portion of your early life is just a part of being alive anymore. The way I see it, at least you feel something. At least you know you're still alive. That much, at least, is something to be thankful for.
I think every single person on this site is a major introvert.
I consider that a good thing. It's also a personality archetype, and it has a lot more to do with your reaction to stress: Introversion means you're stressed out by social situations, extroversion means you're invigorated by social situations. Those never change.
Being wary of becoming attached, on the other hand, is something that you can alter over time.
And if anybody tells you anything other than "You are your own person and I support you in your journey of self-discovery," then they're not worth trying to reason with.
You... you mean Job Corps? I graduated from that!
If you have any questions, any at all, feel free to ask them of me. I was a student in the program for 2 1/2 years (I went over the 2-year mark because I went to advanced training).
You have me.
I know that feel.
2353665 wow you are like my new favorite peep on the interwebs. Other than my editor I don't know what I would do with out him. But your just fabulous