'To Love a Pony' by Shachza, or 'Dear God, There is Five Minutes Worth of Internal Thought in the Span of Two Seconds' by Shachza

I liked this story when it came out, but there was one thing that always stood out that made it hard to read. The author took three seconds of actual time, as in real time passing, and would put at least five minutes of thought in there. No one thinks that hard or has that many thoughts in the span of three seconds. Most of the chapters are like this. The stories word count is, to be honest, full of repetitive thoughts from one guy who can't seem to come to terms with the situation, and is constantly rehashing things from previous chapters over and over again. In most stories like this, they would be at least a month in. The author has barely made it past three days. All because the author thinks five minutes of thought can fit into the span of two seconds.

I think you get my point, so I'll move onto my other criticisms.

The characters. I have read this story for awhile, and I can't even remember the characters names. They are very forgettable, stereotypical, predictable to a degree, and very much uninteresting. They probably wouldn't be, if the author hadn't focused so much on the main characters thoughts, and put more of it into actual character development. We know next to nothing about the characters backstories. The main guy is a brony, works at a paint store, and lives with comic relief character A. Comic relief character A is a radio personality, a party boy, and lives with main guy. The pony is a princess, daughter of Shining and Cadance, and has a changeling friend. That is most of what we know about the characters background, besides forgettable snippets of, surprise, thoughts from main guy.

The way interactions between characters progress is awkward and confusing. Its as if the author put so much into what the main guy is thinking, that the interactions the thoughts were suppose to center around were an after thought. Overall, the interactions are very clunky and have no flow to speak of, whatsoever.

So, the main character thinks too much, there is hardly any focus on character development, and the interactions are very weak. I would suggest cutting most of the internal dialogue, if not all, and focus more on progressing your story. Because if it takes months to write new thoughts on what the story has already gone over, then something is very wrong with the writing process.

The grammar is fantastic, though.