Butterflies, the review. · 2:37am May 23rd, 2012
Butterflies
By Sartarus
Reviewed by DiseasedSlinky
Greetings again fillies and gentlecolts, I'm here again to talk about another story from our good friend Sartarus, and this time I'm being nicer. Note, my attitude improves with story quality. Now then, in his current project, we have the oh so popular human in Equestria story. Now unlike most of these stories where everyone just wakes up in Ponyville and says, “Oh neat, I'm in Ponyville,” he gives a legitimate reason. The story follows Marcus's average normal everyday trip to school with his average normal everyday brony friends. Then he is shot by a hater. I hate to say I enjoy this idea, but I do. It's something original, I can't think of an example of this in any other fiction I've read and I've read A LOT in my brief time here. After this, he is sent to his personalized heaven, aka Ponyville. From there it develops into a romance between him and Fluttershy.
Now, I will be the first one to lead a mob against Fluttershy shipping fic writers because one, she is best pony, and two she is an embodiment of innocence, to me at least. Shipping fics with her are hard to pull off in my opinion, and clop fiction will lead to a painful demise at the hands of myself and an army of howler leaches. I must give him credit, his shipping skills have improved in bounds from his last work. It still feels a little rushed, and there is that awkward it's a pony and human together thing, but I am confident he will make it work, as long as he keeps the mature content to a minimum.
To focus in on the rushed feel of it, it might be purposeful. One of the conflicts of the story is him not wanting do, “do something they will regret.” Now if I remember the story right, he is dead and in his heaven, so I'm not sure how anything he does can be looked back on with regret. My assumption was that heaven is where everything goes your way as long as you don't bust God's window, but I might be wrong on that. Or maybe I'm just over examining a story about a TV show based on ponies, either way.
All in all, I see improvement in leaps and bounds from the last work he completed. Instead of focusing on a purely serious story, this has elements of comedy to break the tension and helps it blend in a much better way with cannon. I do believe this story could be feature worthy material given a little more attention. Unfortunately the story is currently on hiatus. Here's hoping that a good review and a little extra support helps that tag disappear and a new chapter take its place. In the end, I give Butterflies an 8 out of 10. Congrats Mr. Sartarus, and may this reach the audience it truly deserves. Signing off, the one and only,
DiseasedSlinky
Read the story here
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/9316/Butterflies
If you would like a story reviewed, please send me a PM. Comments are good to. I'll accept all hate mail and criticism, after all I need improvement just as much as everyone else.
Is it weird that I visit random pages? I liked the avatar so I visited your page.
You are a critic, eh? (Do not read my stories, I might just die.)
I'm not a fan of the human in Equestria concept, just because it has been done so much. But I agree with you. If you have something original to add to it, then go ahead and do it. But it has to be REALLY original.
Story sounds interesting. We'll see!
224685
Good thing I have a good avatar then. Glad my points resonate with someone. Oh, and I was out of stuff to read too. 
I'll read it in a not going to be reviewed way, how about that?
Someone actually stopped by to look at this?
225012 Oh dear goodness, um, don't read any of my past stories, 'cuz I'm trying to improve on the fly here...
I can guarantee they're not up to par with what you read! I'm sorry in advance if you do end up reading!
225027
No need to apologize. I know what I've written (not posted here for a reason) isn't exactly noble prize winning. I've got a to read list a mile long, so it might be awhile before I even get there. Besides, if I smile once it's story in my book.
225211 Oh, no need to worry about that. I'd feel honored if you even remembered to read something of mine, so, haha. Thanks.
Good luck on your reading.