Here it is!

You've waited for it, no one asked for it, but here it is! The first of my (hopefully) many reviews on the many wonderful (and many not so much) works on this great interweb site. Enjoy.

Scratched Out
By Sartarus
Reviewed by Diseased Slinky.

OK everyone/pony, before I start this, let me tell you what is happening. After another boring drive home of talking to myself in several different voices, I thought to myself, why not do reviews for FiM fan fiction to entertain myself? So I organized some friends to make videos about this, but due to school work, it had to be postponed indefinably. Instead enjoy this written version. It's still by me, so it will still be awesome. :)

The following is my opinion. If you are insulted by it too bad. It's my job.

When I was first asked to review this story, I was desperate for any kind of work, so I instantly said yes. Then I saw the mature rating, and my heart sank a little. I do not EVER read a work rated mature because I've read Cupcakes and don't want those kinds of images in my head again. However, I had already agreed, so I figured I'd bull through it, tear the story apart and get on with life. What I found however, was that the rating, while appropriate, didn't mean that the entire story was ruined. It didn't help it at all, but didn't destroy it. This story is the authors first MLP work, and for a first shot, it's not bad. Overall though, it only comes out as average. He is trying to write a series story in a universe based around butterflies and whimsey. It is hard for even a great author to make this work, and for a first timer, it is nearly impossible. Nothing overly predictable happens and nothing new is brought to the table, so it really doesn't have quite the emotional impact he was going for.
Perhaps what hurt the story the most in my opinion was the clop section. If you are going to write an MLP fic, DO NOT INCLUDE CLOP WORK!!! Now I do believe that in this case it was intended to forward the story, so I will be merciful. If done right, shipping and sexual relations can add to a story, but only when used conservatively and not in full detail. Detail makes it creepy. Now to Sartarus's credit, he does give warning at the beginning of the chapter. If you have half a sense of foresight, you'll see it coming and be able to skip ahead. At the end of the chapter a note is added stating that no more full detail with be attempted again, so I believe this was experimentation on the authors part, so no harm done if he's learned his lesson right?
Now it might sound like I'm bashing him pretty hard, and I don't want to come across that way. He is new to the hobby and just needs a little criticism. Unfortunately, as is with most first time works (even my own imagine that) it tends to fizzle out. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd have to leave this story with a 5-6.5 overall. Now before you all try to hurt me over tearing down a new author, let me say this. His second story, Butterflies is quite an improvement. I will be doing a review of that next time, so until then, long live Celestia, long live Luna, and may Equestria stand forever more. Thank you, and good night.
Read the story here
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/8133/Scratched-Out

Please send any review requests via PM, I need something to do after all. All comments, hate, critics, and checks accepted.