Michael Bay's Ninja Turtles Official Trailer · 8:57pm Mar 27th, 2014

So, today we finally got our first trailer for the target of so much backlash and ridicule from fans of reptiles that know ninjutsu, Michael Bay's Ninja Turtles. As a big fan myself, I'm here to talk about the trailer from the viewpoint of a hardcore fanboy.

You can view it here before continuing:

...That certainly was... something.

I should express before talking about the trailer itself that I am not a fan of Michael Bay. I only saw one of the many Transformers movies he did, and even as a non-fan of the franchise, I could tell he went as far off from capturing the feeling of the show as possible. I realize that when doing a modern day movie about a series from the 80's things need to be made different to appeal to the current audience, but there are correct and heinous ways to modernize something. Bay definitely leans more to one side.

Now for this Eldritch abomination. I will proudly say I am a huge fan of the heroes in a half shell. I watched the 1987 series on VHS growing up, the trilogy of 90's movies, the 2003 series, the 2007 movie, and some of the 2012 series currently being produced by Nickelodeon. For as corny and goofy as they may be, the seven year old inside me still can't help but love watching those reptilian ass-kickers. Next Mutation, however... we don't talk about Next Mutation.

To me, the first half of this trailer looks more like something out of the G.I. Joe or Transformers movies. Why start a Ninja Turtles movie trailer with collapsing buildings and SWAT teams storming around? This just comes across as Bay not being able to restrain himself from throwing in more explosions and big, dramatic shots that he's known for overusing.

Not to mention April O'Neil, played by Megan Fox from the Transformers movies, has zero lines despite having so many scenes in this trailer. April is known for being quick-witted, involved, and very intelligent(if we go by the original comics). Sure the April in the 1987 show was very pandering and buxom, but Fox really seems to only be here for eye candy... like in Transformers.

Now for the Turtles themselves... just why. Why are the turtles freakishly huge and strong? I know they're mutants, but they are meant to be TEENAGERS. Here they're all seven feet tall and have the build of power-lifters. Not to mention the outfits. Yeah, I'm sure those really help disguise themselves from the public eye. They're supposed to be stealthy and quick, here they're lumbering and stick out more than a yellow jumpsuit.

Overall, despite what I've been saying, I definitely plan to see this movie when it's released. It's just another one of those confusing messes that just has to be seen to be believed. If nothing else, it'll be another one of those movies to add to the list of so bad it's hilarious.

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