Why DPS Sucks · 3:00am Dec 6th, 2013
A few of you (that meaning no-one, as I haven't been active for you to see me, and there are only about five of you that are going to see this [not that I care]) ahem... sorry. A few of you may have noticed my recent blog/thread in the Perp's group that I was taking a sabbatical from pretty much everything, including work on any banners, stories, edits, or anything outside of studies, family, and breathing. I'm not back, instead I'm giving you a reason for my absence (mostly towards Froggie, but anyone else who thinks I need to kick my flank in gear).
MPD stands for Multiple Personality Disorder. MPD is also (and officially known as) Dissociative Identity Disorder. This is where a person develops two or more separate identities that comprise to make up one whole personality and to act as a coping mechanism when handling traumatic events. These 'personalities' are the polarized versions of each other, and often clash violently in the subject's psyche.
I, luckily, have experienced no severe trauma that I am aware of (however if I had I wouldn't very well know, now would I?) and as such am not a victim of this terrible ailment. Instead, I "suffer" from a semi-unique variation of Dual Personality Syndrome, where I shift from a handful of rigid mental states. I say "semi-unique" as many cases of DPS include this component but it is not the standard definition, and in most instances is linked to a misdiagnosis of Bipolar Disorder -a very similar psychological defect.
Let me just state that as melodramatic as the following may come across, it isn't as dire as text makes it seems. Instead it sums up how I view my "condition." Also, many sufferers of DPS are similar to women in labour or victims of BPD.
What does this mean? Well, for starters, it means that I have to juggle the different "me's" with stimuli that brings out the different identity. If I have work to do and the self-destructive side comes out, I would have to try to get the optimist out with something (usually a soup or cup of sweet tea) This is one of the main reasons why I can't seem to get anything done on time/right, as every bucking time I have the right state for the job I 'shift' and the job becomes impossible to do without causing me to peel the skin from my muscles and tear hairs from my head. Quite lovely, isn't it?
And while I was typing this I heard something outside. Guess what it was? Her 
This makes Stray #9 that has wandered up to my front porch in the past month-and-a-half. I'm going to go walk her around down the road and see if anyone knows who she is. Be back shortly (you won't notice the difference)
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No luck, so I just gave her a bath and she's out in the shop for the night. Also, I had to shower due to the fact that she was covered in bite marks and I don't want to take any chances.
Anyways, I thought I might post some of the 'conversations' I've had with other me(s):
Voice One: Alright Talm, time to work on your Governor's School submission. Just relax and think. What do you want to do from here?
Voice Two: Does it even matter? He's applying for a school full of artsy geniuses. What's a hick like him supposed to do there? Be the door-mat? Why go to a new school, he already does that enough here.
Voice One: You forget that the school is state-based, meaning other "hicks" as you call them will be there with him. And Alex is far from a hick.
Voice Two: Really? Then explain why he can't seem to get anyone's approval on anything? Or why he gains no respect from anything he does?
Voice One: Plenty of people respect him!
Voice Two: Liar. Why do you think all of his peers despise him while all the 'adults' cast him off when he tries to connect?
Voice One: I, uh, uhmm, I don't very well know...
Voice Two: Funny, I thought we were talking about submissions. Oh well, means to an end, and all that...
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Voice One: Buck off.
Voice Two: Oh? What have I done this time?
Voice One: Just buck the hell off.
Voice Two: Ah. Well, adieu!
***
Voice One: ...
Voice Two: Having fun, Talmy-Boy? How's quitting wrestling and puberty going for you?
Voice One: ...leavehimalone...
Voice Two: What was that?
Voice One: Nothing.
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Also, these aren't conversations as much as they are conflicts that take place in the ole' think tank. Discussing with oneself is a rare symptom, but having conversations between mental states is fairly common (there is a distinction.)
Finally, as this has grown dreadful and is not helping beyond venting, I will say that any recommendations to "get some meds" won't work as my results on my last psych evaluation were inconclusive as to the exact level of my "condition" so they can't medicate me without running the risk of malpractice/improper medication.
So, yeah.
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Oh, yeah. I haven't worked on anything for FimFic since the announcement of my hiatus, and as such nothing is finished. I've done nothing but work on school projects, papers, and taking care of my younger brother (finally got in contact with my half-brother) so please don't ask.
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Hoping you find inner sanity,
S.I.Madness(how delightfully cheesy!)
S.I.M. died and was downgraded to David Brony 
And I forgot to mention that I realize I have a dry roof over my head and warm food in my stomach so I have not true reason to complain. I just felt like sharing something important and if you think I sound like a heap of melodrama then please do yourself a favour and disregard anything I ever post again, as I can make no guarantees that something like this will slip through my 'defenses' again. Thanks.
I read this through, take your time and See you when you get back.
Just remember that you are awesome no matter what!