Writing Tip #2 · 2:07am Apr 30th, 2012
I was very pleased with the debates engendered by the last writing tip, so, as promised, here is another! As always, please savage my amateur advice in the comments section below.
Today's writing tip is.....
Get to the dang point!
A lot of stories fool around forever before revealing the actual conflict. For example:
Chapter 1
"It was a beautiful sunny day in Ponyville. The clouds in the sky were white and fluffy and the sun was golden and warm. The air was crisp and clear. All around the town, ponies went about their daily business-- talking and laughing while they worked and played. Some were watering flowers, others were shopping at the market, and still others were relaxing at the park. Over at the Ponyville Library, Twilight Sparkle sat scratching letters onto a scroll with her quill pen. She was very tired from studying all night, but she was still determined to finish her project and send it off to the Princess before she allowed herself to sleep. Spike was organizing books downstairs. It would soon be lunchtime. As soon as Twilight was done with this project, she planned to go see Rarity at the Boutique for a while, then maybe visit Applejack at the farm." <-- And pages more of this.
Boring! WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT PONYVILLE LOOKS LIKE. WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT TWILIGHT SPARKLE LIKES TO DO. WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT HER RELATIONSHIPS WITH HER FRIENDS ARE!! We are bronies, we've seen every episode a million times. Tell the audience why your story is different and weird/cool RIGHT AWAY. Don't dick around with the weather and the clouds and the birds in the sky, or your audience is going-going-gone.
Contrast this beginning with:
Chapter 1
"'Oh crap,' said Twilight Sparkle. 'How in the world am I going to explain to the Princess that I accidentally turned myself into a parasprite?? And how am I going to deliver that speech at Luna's birthday party tomorrow... looking like THIS??'"
Perhaps not the best story idea off the top of my head, but I still think it's a much sharper hook than that first example.
Stories will often start out as stream-of-consciousness narratives that meander and test out different styles and ideas. And that's fine, that's how it's done! But that material should be left on the cutting room floor, not in the published story! Otherwise, readers will be like, "Seen it, done it, been there," and move on. You HAVE to grab your audience by the collar from your first sentence. An exercise that has helped me is to pick up some of my favorite books and just read the first sentence, while asking why it propels the reader forward and how.
This applies to more than just the first chapter, too. This applies to every chapter in the entire story, and every scene break for that matter. At least, that's my opinion.
Stay literate, my bronies. Keep writing, never give up, and have a great day! 
Not sure if it was just my computer cache or what, but the last version of this blog post wasn't showing up, so I just reposted it. Sorry if anypony got a double post in their mailbox.
apology accepted
, and great advice by the way
. Your advice will surely sharpen the hook of many stories.I hope you get a good night sleep
.
^this
Chapter 1:
"asdfghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnm", typed DPV111 before hitting "submit". Within 30 minutes his comment on the YouTube video, "slideshow of ponies who look like they are high" had 57 thumbs up votes as everyone agreed with the incredibly poignant and well thought out comment expressing his raw emotional reaction to the greatness of this video.
Sometimes even the first WORD is all the hook you need.
92224 i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/173/614/Berry%20Pinch%20Wat.png
92387
Sometimes you stare into the abyss. Sometimes the abyss winks it's marehood at you...
img.ponibooru.org/_images/d16176f7786ed04383512e7e7f606859/60344%20-%20berry_punch%20bipedal%20mother_and_daughter%20OPPP%20ruby_pinch%20so_much_porn.png
^^ Description and Cover pic are very important to hook a reader ass well...
92411 Jesus Christ, we're all supposed to pretend we don't know what winking is. Giant sigh. Well, as long as we're talking about it, I found "Chrysalis Lovefest" to be... kind of gross, actually. I mean, Chrysalis is damn near unbearably hot, but "bubbling cheese?" Too many food metaphors = barf.
92411 I'll be damned if I EVER have time to become one of those ponychan editor types, but I was thinking I'd offer my services as a synopsis editor this summer, since I see so many stories just stick their foot right in it before the curtain even goes up.
"Somepony does something with somepony else on a magical adventure. Sorry if this story is not as good some other stories. I would like some constructive criticism please! Oh yeah, and in this story, Twilight and Rainbow Dash are two years older than Applejack. And also, in this story, there are ponies that live in the Everfree Forest, even though on the show only Zecora lives there. I tried to make this story as funny as possible, but if it isn't funny than you should comment and tell me how to make it funnier..."
SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!
92440
Thank you, I hate that so much. Almost as bad as the synopses that basically are a 2 page outline of the whole damn story. Or the ones that are 2-3 well written sentences that tell you absolutely nothing regarding what the hell the story is about. Then again, there a very few "good" stories with "bad" synopses. It's usually a good gauge of the author's abilities.
92435
Meh, i didn't read that. I read very little mature stuff.
...
Have you seen that realistic pic of Chrysalis' business end with the Metroid style talons around her love nub? THAT was effing creepy.
(Also I find Chrysalis cute, not hot.)
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Also I haven't been in the mood to think in any real depth on much lately. bit of tiredness and stress this week. After tomorrow I have a long changeover from early shift to late, so i should be able to concentrate long enough to go through what you PMed me.