Jun
24th
2013
Sneak Peak(No spoilers) · 3:28am Jun 24th, 2013
Here's a quick thing that's in chapter 3. No spoilers though.
Spike pulled out some papers. They had the same enchanted ink on them as the ink he used in his notebook. He began to draw Her. He was careful to make it match her features, from the way her body curved, to the way her hair fell across her face. He was drawing Her with a blank expression, and a book in front of her. He kept on moving the quill confidently across the paper. He decided he'd finished after working on it for five hours. 'Time really does fly.' He chuckled at how it had felt like only minutes passed.
We all know who he was drawing right?
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castlemaid · 112 views
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Oh!
1164399 What?
Who he was drawing?
... Pinkie Pie. It was a COOKBOOK!
But seriously, though, a couple of errors:
There's no need to capitalize 'Her' in the quoted lines. Other than that, I really like the way it's written. It's immersive in terms of getting into the mind of Spike for the scene, yet the sentences are brief. Also, I love how it says that it feels like only minutes had passed.
Doing something you're enjoying... that really IS how things feel sometimes!
... Oh, and I assume it was Twilight, though I can't imagine a "blank" expression... perhaps "indiscernable" or "submerged" expression would fit it better, as if she was reading a book and really into it, hence being "submerged" in the story.
Heck, I've gotten to that point with some really... REALLY good fics in the past! I believe the word Father used to describe me was "Spacey".
1165649 Those errors aren't in the story because I changed them from Twilight to Her. Ans blank because she wasn't into what she was reading. She was just...there.