Ramblings: The First Set · 11:43am Jun 17th, 2013
First off: if you're looking for a good time, steer clear of this page. This isn't interesting or fun or witty or anything - just me writing and rambling (look at the title.) I'm not here with tons of jokes - as much as I would like myself to be humorous, c'est impossible. It's possible to pretend to be serious but pretending to be funny is just like pretending to be immune to fall damage; you can tell yourself that all you want but gravity has other plans for you the moment you jump off a bridge.
I'm not saying that I have plans of jumping, no, that's just idiotic, even for my standards. Besides, the moment I jump off I think the first thing that's going to go through my head are the words, "****, this was a bad idea."
No,l have different ideas. I have no intention of hurting myself physically. Mentally, however, I have a few screws loose. Let's just say that on top of how easy it is to depress me, that depression usually turns to inexplicable bursts of anger followed by a bit of further depression in a semi - infinite loop. Also, I tend to have very little self - esteem most of the time - a little bit standard when my brother is better at everything. Seriously, knowledge of MMA, better English, better social skills, better looks, more favor with the rest of my family, and friends who don't bail on him - how do I compete with that? That's how I would describe my normal days.
Now, I'm not here to fish for attention - why would I do that? I may like attention (my stories being unnoticed and making me feel down can attest to that particular need) but I have standards. I'm just here to write and write and write and possibly chase off that one guy and write some more. My main point here is just to get things off my chest and my mind. Paper and pen won't work; the rest of my family is inquisitive as hell. This is probably the only place they won't pay attention to, and I think you people (or that one guy who reads this) might have some answers to my questions.
That's out of the way, so question time. How the hell does anyone compete in this world? How is it possible to stand out when there's several billion other people and more than, let's say 80% of them are better than you in some way? And are my questions rhetorical? Third one, answer is yes. I'm still figuring out the other two. It's a good thing that there's always someone better, of course, for it ensures that humanity reaches ever - higher heights. Still, it doesn't give me any comfort to know that no matter how well I do someone else will do it better. Even if I can live with that, it's annoying and sometimes depressing to think off. Probably just me.
Right there, that's my main problem. I have very little self - confidence. VERY LITTLE. It goes back to a few years ago - you probably won't care about this, but then again I could say the same about the rest of this, and I did warn you that this isn't interesting or anything - when someone very important to me did some things. Let's just say that that person held a place in my heart and paid rent by hating and shunning me for a full year (to be a little more accurate, roughly 14 months.) I'm proud to say that that place is now free of that particular thorn but I think it did some lasting morale damage.
To some extent I'm getting a little better with thing. Back then I was easier to push over the edge. In particular, a scene which involves me raging in a classroom and nearly hitting several people with assorted school supplies comes to mind. Another scene involving me locking myself in the same classroom and writing self - belittling phrases all over the place (thankfully I had enough sense left in me to use chalk, not my pen) also comes to mind. No, of these I'm not proud. But I'm (a little) hardier now. Time helps a bit, and so does my nonstop singing of MandoPony's brilliant I Am No Hero.
Adverse effects of that particular mantra is it basically makes me even more cynical and skeptical than what I normally am. Being forced by my brother to work out and consequently build up strength makes me feel a little better but what I want is to be able to look forward to the future, not just feel good in the present. I want to be positive. It's easy for some of you people, perhaps, but I always was a negative person even as a child. In fact, my elementary teachers had to pull me off the school paper because in their words, "You're too political." Apparently writing about corruption as a fourth grader is a bad thing.
Great... Now I have no idea what to do. That's basically all I have to ramble on about for now, and I have no idea how to end my rambling. Maybe I should wait for Pinkie to pop out of my screen and slap me with a hoof - oh wait there she is - OW! - thanks.
By the way, that was a lame attempt at humor. That is all.
I know what it's like to be in that position, and it's tough. sometimes you don't know what to do, or how you can change it. but I found that the best way (in my opinion) is to remember that you've got one life, and that we all have to live it to the fullest. (essentially YOLO, but in the sense it should be used.)
this guy (alt lit writer, poet, vlogger, and brilliant mind) has made so many bad days go away with boosting.
and this writing on the idea of boosting.
http://livemylief.com/post/31557109977/we-only-get-one-time-to-be-a-person-we-each-have
so remember, boost!!
1149895
Thanks bro.
Who's this guy? He's brilliant... and somehow he made my day.
1149901
no problem.
http://livemylief.com/
Steven Roggenbuck, I found out about him through a friend, and while I didn't like the style of his videos at first, I looked him up again later, and found myself watching and reading all his things. he is indeed brilliant, and I've been meaning to write a thing on the idea that the Brony community is the boosting community of the internet.
http://livemylief.com/post/28855740480/ive-decided-i-wil-start-using-the-term-straight
and he's even given me a name for my position on drugs and alcohol.
just keep writing and doing what you love. I've also been enjoying Daughters of Equestria very much so far (it's under my Favourites on my account).
1149912
I only understand half of what he's writing on that site so far... half of that seems funny and the other half's kinda inspiring. I have no idea what the other half of what he's writing is
My god, he rambles more than me!
His birds thing is kinda weird to listen to though.
1149921
this is me when I try to define it
yeah, it's a mixture of motivational messages, along with poetry, humour, and random thoughts. it's Alt Lit, a new kind of writing (very recent, and hard to define).
he does ramble a lot. and it was weird, but nice in a way. I'm glad you're liking most of his stuff so far.
1149930
He's as crazy as I am but he takes it much better - how does one not like that? Now I have something good to listen to when I'm down in the dumps aside from I Am No Hero and Exile, Vilify.
1149937
indeed.
and glad to give you more to listen to.
still my favourite video for Vilify.
*is now watching and being bombarded with feels*
boost!
1149948
I just remembered why I don't listen to Exile, Vilify when I'm not in an extreme mood. It makes me - think - too - much...
Screw the time, I can keep thinking for a bit. *snaps out of trance 12 hours later*
Kinda like that.
1149956
same here (*using Daft Punk to snap out of it*).
man, their new album is spectacular.
1149969
Daft Punk..? I don't really know them. Are they good?
1149971
they are very good.
they're a Electronic Duo group from France. they do a mixture of House, Electronica, Synthpop, and are probably the best example of all these genres.
in 2010 they were admitted into the Ordre des Arts et des Lettres, an order of merit of France. Bangalter and de Homem-Christo were individually awarded the rank of Chevalier (knight).
possibly their best known song.
one of the best songs on their newest album.
this one's been on the U.K.'s number one spot for 4 weeks.
1149978
Electronic's not really my thing, but that Get Lucky song falls right into my birdhouse. The others aren't bad either.
1149995
well, if you're ever looking for more stuff to listen to, you can check them out
1149998
They specialize, or do they do all sorts of stuff?
Always looking for good stuff to listen to.
1150001
it's more or less Electronica, but they experiment from time to time (Get Lucky is closer to experiment for them).
and if you want good stuff, listen to Rush. I cannot stress how amazing Rush is. they've changed throughout the years, moving with the changes in music.
they do a mixture, started out as more Prog-Metal, moving to Synth-Rock in the 80's (but that's very basic, and it's more complex than that).
three guys, Geddy Lee, singer and bassist, Neil Peart, (the best) drummer (in the world), and Alex Liefson, guitar.
my favourite album of theirs.
and this is what I mean by best drummer:
1150026
"This video contains content from Warner Chapell and UMG, one of more of whom blocked it in your country on copyright grounds."
So apparently my country isn't Rush friendly...
Oh well. That fourth one was good. And it was also the only one I could listen to.
1150040
boo! Well, try looking up more later maybe, and which country's blocked Canada's best rock band?
glad you liked it, and sorry, I didn't have ascess to a computer, so replies will be sporatic, sorry about that.
1151170
Perfectly fine.
Maybe Philippines has a history with Canada?
1151749
no history that I can remember.
ah well.
1151789
Maybe proxies will work. Ah well. Only Canadian band I listen to is TFK. Shame about Rush.
1151792
maybe. other Canadian bands/artists include The Band, April Wine, Neil Young/Crazy Horse, Streetheart, Steppenwolf, The Guess Who, Bachman-Tuner Overdrive, Helix, Prism, The Tragically Hip, Rough Trade, and Leonard Cohen. I'd say that overall, Rush is the greatest of them all, but they are definitely great artists.
1151803
Hahahaha 
I have to say, I got much more out this 'blog' thing than I'd ever have expected. Now I have all this cool music!
1151806
(I've posted a few things on my blog, but not much comments [very little]), and I'm just spamming the music I grew up with, but yeah, Canadian groups have done awesome stuff (and sometime people don't even know it).
glad you have
and I've had someone to talk and boost with on FiMFic, which is awesome.