Looking for editor! (or proof reader... which ever comes first [maybe both] )

So, I'm looking for someone to edit for me, I'm not skilled, I don't think I'll ever be skilled, but having someone with skilled hands sort out the great big ball of FUCK that comes from my mind to my hands and into your eye holes into a more coherently written syntax and grammar is always good. I think it would improve morale (Beatings will continue until it improves) and so I'm asking from my heart for some skilled linguistic magician to come and visit me in my dreams (Read as: Private message) and offer to edit/proof read. I would love that and I would love you. I will give credit to any and all that do decide to help me.