*Story time* I learned a lesson today. · 1:07am May 2nd, 2013
An important one, at that.
Many of you probably don't know this, but besides being an avid swimmer and water polo player, I absolutely love the game of golf. It's my third sport during the school year, and most of the time, it's a great way for me to wind down after a rough day at school.
Most of the time.
Usually, golf is equivalent to paradise in my books. I'm spending every afternoon with my friends in 80 degree weather, playing a sport that I love. The thing is, golf is a fickle game. Yesterday, I shot one of my best rounds of the year, giving me the extra confidence boost I needed going into today's match. I felt ready. I felt anxious. I felt at the top of my game.
And then it all fell apart.
Now, I can't even begin to explain why I went from playing extremely well to just dreadful, but my coach gave me a bit of advice after I spent a good hour sulking and hitting balls at the driving range after the match. I asked him if he had any advice for me--anything that would explain why, after playing so well, my entire round collapsed around me. He simply replied:
"You just need to feel the grass under your feet."
At first I took this as a literal meaning--that my stance was wrong, or something like that. When I tried adjusting my stance, he just laughed and told me to put my clubs in my car and walk with him.
And so we did. We walked down the first hole, one of us smiling, the other the opposite. And that's when he said to me:
"Isn't it such a nice day outside?"
Yes, I replied. Yes, of course it is. Who wouldn't want to be outside in this weather? It's every golfer's dream to golf in a day like this one.
"So I guess you could say you're living the dream."
More like a nightmare.
And that's when we stopped. He told me to just... look around. And that I did. For five minutes we just looked around at the picturesque view, with the trees beginning to bloom with leaves, the grass being the perfect shade of green, the sky a blend of blue and fluffy white.
And I realized something.
I was angry at myself... because of golf. Golf. Something that I loved to do for the sake of doing it, not just for shooting the best score. And I realized just how stupid I was being. Letting one bad round get to my head was like leaving dinner with a bad taste in your mouth because of one sour grape. It was downright stupid, and something that only snobs would do. And a snob I was at that time.
We walked back and talked. We talked about the game, about school, and about college next year. And it was fun. Just walking a hole or two on the course was fun, and I didn't even have a club in my hand. And it was one of the most important experiences of this year for me.
I have a tendency to worry way too much about things--how I score in golf, my times in swimming, the reception of my stories, and my grades in school, to name a few--and this really blinds me to what I should be doing: enjoying these things. Having fun with them.
When I finally left, I simply told my coach that I was looking forward to walking another nine tomorrow. He just smiled and nodded. Now that I think about it, that was probably my real performance today.
So why in the wide world of Equestria is this relevant? Well, many reasons. Like I said, I worry way too much about how my stories and chapters will be received. Two projects in particular (the new YB chapter and one secret project) have left me so stressed that I sometimes erase the "progress" I make because I feel that it's not good enough for the people reading it. And that's sad, to tell the truth. This is something that I should love doing in my free time, not something I worry about screwing up. Writing is one of the purest forms of expression, after all, and trying to shape it to something that isn't me just screws with the whole idea of it.
So, going forward, I'm not going to worry any more. I'm not going to worry about the next chapter, or the next story, or even just the next paragraph. I'm going to write for me, because the first person that I want to like my stories is myself. Heck, I've got my prereaders to trust if there is something really wrong with what I write, and even if there is, it's just a little extra effort to make it better.
So yeah. I think I'm finally back to understanding what makes writing so fun. And I truly hope that the rest of you can realize this too. In truth, I'm feeling great now. Like I'm at the top of my game.
Time to go have me some fun.
Until later,
-TSB
this is amazing
please post more of your psychological/philosophical/experiential insights in the future
swimminbrony-sensei
Good to hear man! I noticed that you weren't putting out too much recently, and I was wondering what the hay had happened to you.
Glad to hear your back to enjoying it rather than dreading it.
This is pretty good lesson if I say so myself :)
I can understand how frustrating it is to not do well in a skill based activity. But sometimes it's about playing and not about the score. After all, we learn and grow from experiences, not outcomes.
Funny thing, I was reading this, and I noticed that right at the bottom of the 'your stories' thing (just about at the actual lesson, before you dissected it) is Pinkzilla. I didn't know you wrote that. But it's totally the fun romp kinda thing you talked about.