I'm still here, sorta...

It's been a long time since I've blogged. Like, anywhere. My LiveJournal is little more than a graveyard now, and I only use my Dreamwidth to showcase all my Petz (I have too many, halp). I came to the realization a few years ago that I was uninterested in spilling out all my innermost thoughts for random online strangers to read, and I also was completely uninterested in reading those of others. I still feel this way.

Yet... here I am lol.

I haven't logged in here in awhile. I actually haven't even watched MLPFIM for quite awhile now. I think the last MLP thing I've seen is some of the Gen 5 show with my daughter, but even that's been awhile now. But... I've still been writing another MLP fic.

Well, kind of. I'm pretty sure I started writing it not too long after finishing Octopus's Garden, and that was well over a year ago now. And as of right now, this story's still sitting under 15,000 words, so there is absolutely no reason for it to have taken me this long to write it (and it's not even finished yet). I mean, I know I write slowly, but this is kind of ridiculous lol.

I guess what it boils down to is that I haven't had a strong desire to write, not just this story in particular but just write anything. When I have free time in the evenings and I think about what I plan to do, writing rarely enters my mind. I think this partly because I just don't have a lot of free time lately. With the pandemic finally ebbing back down, the music group I'm in is actually performing more. This past year or so I've finally started to take my health seriously, and I've been keeping fairly consistent at doing a workout three to four times a week. I've still got a ways to go to get back down to my ideal weight, but I'm pleased with the progress I've made so far. I also, you know, have a family that I like to spend time with lol. My daughter still likes for me to read to her most nights before going to bed--she'll be eight years old soon, so who knows how much longer she'll want that, but as long as she does then I'll be doing it with her. All of these things, and more, take priority over any of my hobbies... and, well, it doesn't leave too much spare time in the evenings. I'm not saying this to complain--I'm actually really happy with how my life is right now.

But, still... sometimes I think back to my fanfic, and all that time when I was younger spending time writing down all the scenes that run through my head, and... I don't know, I just kind of miss it. I don't miss being tied to my computer and feeling like I'm unable to do anything but write, don't get me wrong lol. Like I said, I'm happy with how life is going right now, but if I sit and think about it for a bit I'm like "But I'm not writing! What am I even DOING with myself?!" I've defined myself as a writer for so long, after all. And listen, I'm not delusional--I know I'm not super amazing at writing, lol. But, still... and at the risk of sounding full of myself, I do think I'm a pretty good writer. At the very least, let me put it this way--of all the things that I do, writing is the thing I'm best at. (Feel free to make negative assumptions regarding my other abilities with that knowledge, they'd be warranted lol)

With all that in mind, when I do write in my latest fic, sometimes it's just out of a sense of "Well, I should be doing this." I can say pretty confidently that the fic's more than halfway finished right now, probably even two-thirds finished, and with that in mind I feel like I owe it to myself and all of my future potential readers to put the final work in to finish it. I did write a bit last night, and it was an enjoyable experience. And I even feel like my "I don't have time to write" excuse is pretty flimsy, because I managed to scrapbook, and read to my daughter, AND write in my fic last night, all after a full day of work. I mean it does help that my daughter's done with piano and dance lessons for the summer now and I don't have to cart her around in the evenings, lol.

I'm going to commit to try to finish this fic within the next few months or so. I don't want to force it, and this summer's already shaping up to be somewhat busy, so I can't make any promises. And I don't know if anyone even reads these anyway lol. But I felt like I wanted to get this all out there, if only for my sake, just to confirm that yes, I still exist, and yes, I do write. I do not write nearly as much as I did even five years ago, let alone what I was doing fifteen to twenty years ago, but it's still more than zero, so it counts... I think. I'll make it count. Which is why I'm going to finish this fic eventually.