My Review of Tarzan & Jane

Rating Scale:

12/10—a complete masterpiece; flawless and outstanding
11/10—Excellent, near-perfect film
10/10—the standard rating; awesome film with a couple of flaws
9/10—a wonderful film with several flaws
8/10–a great film with numerous flaws but not enough to ruin it
7/10—a fun and entertaining movie; not great but still enjoyable
6/10—a slightly above average film; it is something I might watch again
5/10—mediocre movie; not awful but not great either
4/10—a below average film; it could have been much better
3/10—a bad film; poorly written and poorly executed
2/10—a very bad movie; the few good things in the movie overshadowed by the bad things
1/10—a terrible movie; a total waste of time
0/10—a worthless piece of abomination; should have never been made

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Greetings, everyone! This is Mr. J back with another movie review for tonight! This evening, I will be reviewing the 2002 direct-to-video sequel entitled Tarzan & Jane! Oh boy, it’s been forever since I’ve reviewed these Disney sequels, hasn’t it? I remember some of the worst and some of the best ones out of the bunch. Well, what about this movie? Is it worth watching? To tell you the truth, I vaguely remember seeing this as a kid. Back in one of my preliminary schools, we as a class watched this movie at one time. Then a couple months ago, I decided to rewatch it on Disney+ to remember what this was all about. So here are my thoughts on this forgotten sequel:

This movie does the “frame story” method of storytelling as it contains three then-unaired episodes of the corresponding animated series “The Legend of Tarzan” where it takes place one year after the events of the first film and where Tarzan and Jane are happily married. Jane tries to think of a way to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. Both Terk and Tantor share with her three separate past events that reveal what happened when Tarzan was around.

To be honest, folks…this was dogshit. They couldn’t make a more original plot for this sequel where it would take our characters in a more intriguing journey, no, they took the lazy way out in producing three episodes via a flashback while the main narrative itself is just Jane, Terk, and Tantor having an hour and a half long conversation off-screen. Listen, if this type of story was done in a singular episode to convey a lesson, I would be fine with it. But I don’t like it when a movie does it. It just doesn’t fit well, in my opinion. It drags down the story which results in boring out the viewers.

While I haven’t seen the entire animated series, I could already tell with these three episodes what the overall spirit, tone, and quality it is. Never mind the below-budget, terrible animation or the subpar voice acting; what I hate the most about it is that it took our main characters and made them hold the idiot ball for the sake of the stupid plot.

You have a couple of British men who are seeking to collect all the diamonds, Tarzan gets suspicious of them, but instead of trusting his instincts, he gets easily fooled by their oily mannerisms and empty promises until they attempt to dispose of him. Tarzan, you dolt, do you not remember how Clayton tricked you into getting exactly what he wanted? Why are you not standing your ground against two complete strangers who gave a lot of red flags during their first encounter with you? He clearly didn’t learn his lesson from Clayton’s betrayal.

And these new characters—primarily the three English women who are friends with Jane—were incredibly annoying. I hate their irritating voices, their obnoxious personalities, and their stereotypical stupidity. They should have been cut from that episode entirely.

As far as Robert Canler is concerned, he wasn’t really that bad as a character, but the subplot of Tarzan being jealous of him and being somewhat proven right once the dude turns out to be the bad guy all along was so cliche. Again, it is all the more reason to never watch the animated series. This film does nothing unique with its characters and rehashes some of the most boring cliches into the plot, making the overall film an absolute chore to sit through.

I’m sorry, but this was trash. It felt like I watched three hours of this donkey manure because of how slow-paced and cringeworthy it was. I give it a 1/10! Tarzan, swing back to the jungle and never trust a suspicious stranger ever again.

I know, the film tries to enforce the moral of accepting and embracing what makes your special somebody unique and being happy for them no matter what, but it was done so terribly it didn’t make any positive impact at all. At best, it’s forgettable and poorly-written. Come on, Disney.

Peace out.

Comments

[A Man Undercover]

Yay, I had a feeling your review on this movie was going to be very negative. I watched it a couple times as a kid, and I also saw some episodes here and there, but even then…I agree with you whole-heartily on this.

If Disney really wanted to take the characters beyond just one film, they should’ve done the following:

1. Bring back every performer who played their parts in the movie no matter how expensive they are.

2. Ensure the animation quality is 100% eye-appealing.

3. Hire competent and passionate writers, producers, and directors who actually know what they’re doing.

Voice acting-wise, the only positive standout I can recall was Jim Cummings as Tantor. Not only did he do an excellent impression of Wayne Knight, but he successfully captured Tantor’s spirit while making the character his own. It’s pretty much one out of many reasons for why Cummings is one of my favorite voice actors, really.